


Isle of Flightless Birds

by sodunwithyou



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Basically, Depression, Dom/sub Undertones, Dreamwalking, Drug Use, Drug-Induced Sex, Fluff and Smut, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Recovery, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Shameless Smut, Slow Build, Smut, So much smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-25
Updated: 2016-09-07
Packaged: 2018-05-23 05:11:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 75,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6105973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sodunwithyou/pseuds/sodunwithyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn't a soulbond.</p><p>It couldn't be. Because they hadn't met. </p><p>But this boy in Josh's dreams with the hazel eyes almost black with fear felt more real than the chair Josh was sitting on. And the pain in his wrist felt as if there should be healing lines. And the emotions washing over him didn't always fit.</p><p>But it wasn't a soulbond. It was insanity. It had to be. Because they hadn't met and that was just unheard of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The sharp pain across his wrist was like a blade being slowly pulled across paper-thin skin. Josh clutched at his wrist like it was on fire, like his pale hands would make the pain disappear. It didn’t though. His face was the picture of pain, eyes squeezed shut, breath rushing out of his body. He felt like he was drowning.

But he wasn’t.

He wasn’t.

He was just sat in English. Sat there with Brendon frowning in concern, the silent question clear in wide eyes.

“Just a pain in my wrist,” Josh explained weakly, removing his hand to see nothing. Not a mark. Nothing to explain the agonising pain he’d experienced. “Too much writing,” the laughter was fake and forced as he struggled to find an explanation for it.

 

 

 

 

 

Tyler felt out of it. Deliciously so. As if he’d been smoking only the best weed.

But he hadn’t.

He really hadn’t.

He’d been locked away in his bedroom, dark curtains pulled shut to block out the too-bright sun, as he let sharp blades create art on tanned skin. Not smoking. But it sure felt like it. His movements were slow and lethargic, the cuts across his wrist twinging as he moved, his whole body felt heavy. He felt as if he were floating somewhere above himself.

He let himself smile as he finally felt sleep pull at his eyelids, exhaustion finally winning out.

 

 

 

 

 

Josh needed the hit more than he had thought. With each drag he felt more alive, more free, more like himself. Soon enough the occasional twinge of his wrist was forgotten in the drug-induced haze.

“Yo, we should play truth or dare!” Brendon giggled from where he was sprawled across Dallon’s lap, a dazed grin on his face.

“Seven minutes in heaven,” Dallon countered, eyes alight with hunger as he looked down into Brendon’s hooded eyes.

Josh should have stopped it there, should have been the voice of reason, but his mind had wandered to more important thoughts. To some strange silence, where even he was unsure what he was thinking about. He didn’t notice Dallon and Brendon slinking off to the spare bedroom, where they slowly made love to each other, savouring every exaggerated feeling in their drug-induced stupor.

 

 

 

 

 

Soulmates.

A word you hear a lot. Josh certainly had. He’d always been told about soulmates, about the soul bond, the soul connection, shit he didn’t particularly care about. But now he was wishing he’d listened a little more.

He woke that night breathing heavily, skin slick with cold-sweat causing white sheets to stick to his body. A dream so chilling he’d screamed himself awake. He was petrified and alone.

Except he hadn’t been.

He’d seen a boy. A boy his age. Nearly a man. Cowering in the corner. Hazel eyes nearly black with fear, tanned arms hugging long legs to his chest, head ducked down.

There was something so real about him. About this boy. In a world of fear and terror, of things falling apart and jumping out, he was safety. He was the island in the deepest of oceans, he was a glass of water after a hard-workout, a McDonalds after a long journey.

He was home.

And when they met eyes, something cleared in his, some of that boy’s fear fell away as well. “You’re real,” he whispered, his voice cracked as if it was rarely used.

“I think so,” Josh stammered, taking uneasy steps on a rolling floor towards the boy who seemed to be floating away.

Then things fell black, red eyes blinking all around him, one pair of brown eyes (nearly black with fear) staring at him. There was a scream, hoarse and primal, like a mother who lost her child or like a wounded animal, it chilled Josh to the bone. “Blurryface is here,” the boy whispered, fear clear in his voice along with a tone of resignment, then his eyes were gone to be replaced with his screams.

Josh’s soon joined. And eventually the noise became too much and his body jerked him out of that nightmare.

 

 

 

 

 

Breakfast was uneasy that morning, Josh was jumpy and everyone had noticed. They ate in silence for what felt like forever, before Josh finally spoke up, “I think I dreamwalked.”

“Only soulmates who have been bonded for years can do that Joshie,” Laura smiled softly as if lessening a blow, eyes glancing to her husband.

“But I did Mumma.”

“Listen Josh, maybe we should talk soulmates again?” Bill offered, concern causing his eyes to crinkle. Josh just nodded, because he _knew_ , he knew _exactly_ what this was. “You may never meet your soulmate, and that’s okay. You can be happy without them. And sometimes, well, sometimes there isn’t a soulmate to be happy with.”

“But if you do meet them, well, it’s beautiful honey. The world has never been so beautiful.”

“Not so much a spark, but a fire.” His parents were smiling but Josh thought it sounded terrifying, to be so wholly consumed by a feeling for someone he didn’t know, to be on fire, to be destroyed by this person. No. Josh didn’t like the sound of that. “It can be different for everyone, but there’s this feeling of belonging, and you just know. You’ll look into their eyes and it’ll be the only colour you’ll ever want to see. They will be your home, your everything.”

“And once the bond grows some couples can dreamwalk, or dreamshare. There are lots of words for it, but they can project their dreams onto the other, they can share dreams, things like that.” Laura was beaming happily, but Josh was just confused because that sounded pretty much exactly like what happened. “In rare cases, of the strongest bonds, they can even sense emotions and physical feelings. I’ve never experienced it myself.”

For Josh this information was the puzzle piece that looked like a perfect match but didn’t quite sit right. “But, that’s what it was Mumma.”

Laura placed a hand on his head checking for a temperature, “ssh Josh, it wasn’t. You haven’t met your soulmate yet. That’s unheard of.”

 

 

 

 

 

It happened again, but this time things were different. This time Josh knew he was imagining it. That it couldn’t be real.

They were on an island. It sounds nice, but it wasn’t. It was dreary, empty, like a vast desert. Things were drained of colour, everything just off as if it had been shifted two places to the left. But there he was. The boy. The colour. The home.

“Hey,” Josh greeted, falling down next to the boy. He looked up, alarmed at the new presence, smiling slowly at him. “I’m Josh.”

“Tyler,” his voice was quiet again, unsure, afraid. Josh didn’t really like it, someone that beautiful, with a voice so pure, shouldn’t be so frightened.

“That’s a cool name.”

Tyler blushed, eyes falling to his feet, “I like your hair.” It was a bright red, Josh wanted to change it, it reminded him of glowing eyes and dripping cuts.

“I was going to re-dye it, what colour do you think I should go?” For a second Josh questioned the ease he felt with what was not long ago a stranger, a person from his nightmare, before reminding himself it was all in his head anyway.

“Blue,” Tyler whispered, gaze lingering on the ocean. It was a sparkling blue, like the purest sapphire glinting in the sun. “Like the ocean.” There was something sad in Tyler’s eyes, they were glistening with unshed tears, turning to Josh with a frown. “I haven’t found a drop you know.”

“A drop?”

“Of water. Of faith. Of. Of. Life. I just. Faith is like water right, except maybe it’s more like the ocean. It isn’t so pure, tainted. It has ebbs and flows. And. I’ll try to run through the sand, but it drags me down. And the water will drain, no matter how hard I try to keep it.” Tyler’s words came fast, spoken in a hurried near-sob, but they fell on Josh’s ear with a musical perfection.

He wanted to hug the shaking boy, but instead Josh rushed to think of something to say, something to make it better. “The thing about the ocean is, it always comes back you know. And there’s a lot of it. And you don’t need to keep it for yourself, maybe you should, just sit here and admire it.”

It helped. Tyler smiled, looking at Josh like he was the sun, except not quite because if Josh was the sun he’d be squinting and his eyes would burn, but he was looking at Josh like he was everything he’d ever need, the answer to every question.

“Thank you,” Tyler whispered, gaze falling back to the ocean, with Josh’s joining him.

 

 

 

 

 

Tyler woke without screaming that night. He woke without crying. He woke still in his own bed. He woke unharmed.

Josh.

The strange red-haired boy that had permeated his mind for some unknown reason. He’d never seen the boy before, maybe passed him without knowing or realising. But it felt so strange to him.

Jenna was the one who entered his room that morning with breakfast, “how you doing Ty?”

“Good.” She almost fell over when Tyler actually responded, he’d stopped talking a while back, right around his first suicide attempt. They’d lost their Tyler then, he’d slowly been withering like a dying flower for months, but that night he disappeared. Withdrawing into himself completely.

She tried to keep calm, nodding and smiling, “you think maybe you’d like to come down for dinner tonight?” Tyler nodded, lips pressed tight together. Blurry had stayed quiet last night and he wanted to savour every last second of silence. “Cool Ty,” she pressed a soft kiss to his temple before seemingly floating out of the room, taking rays of sunshine with her.

His parents had hoped she would be his soulmate, still hope that they’ll just be late bloomers. But time continues to tick by and nothing changes. Jenna is gorgeous. Absolutely stunning. An exquisite piece of art, lovingly crafted. Tyler is flawed, he’s a mess of broken glass, delicate and deadly. He dreams of the day he dies. Jenna dreams of living.

Even if Tyler found his soulmate, and he isn’t convinced he has one, he wouldn’t drag them down by staying with them. No one asks for a soulmate as messed up as he is, fifty shades of insanity and self-hatred.

Still, Jenna stays. Her motivation was unclear to Tyler, the excuse of being a good friend wasn’t good enough for him, the idea that someone loves him, that someone truly cares, wasn’t one he was willing to entertain.

 

 

 

 

 

“Tyler started talking today!” Some blonde girl squealed, smiling at Dallon excitedly, who also seemed overjoyed with this news. Josh’s attention was drawn to the name he learnt last night.

“No one cares Jenna,” Brendon sighed, letting out a breath of smoke from the cigarette held loosely to his lips, rolling his eyes and returning to scribbling nonsense he calls lyrics onto a page.

Dallon shot him a look of disapproval, “some people care Bren, stop being so heartless.”

“Anyway, I have to go, but, maybe if you can visit tomorrow it’ll put him in a better mood,” Jenna suggested, turning her back to Brendon and inadvertently Josh. She spoke with her hands, Brendon was blabbering on about something in a low voice that probably meant he was insulting her, but Josh was paying little attention.

When she eventually bounced off, after giving Dallon a tight hug, Brendon glared at her retreating figure. “What was that about?”

“A friend of mine from Church hasn’t been too well,” Dallon shrugged, frowning deeply at Brendon. “Can you just stop being such an asshole for once?”

“No. I actually can’t,” Brendon snapped, eyes flaring with anger.

Josh sensed the argument coming and knew that getting any more information would be hopeless. “Fine then. If you can’t, then I don’t want to be here. For fuck sake Brendon, wake up and try being nice to people. This is over.” Dallon rushed off, long legs carrying him away before Brendon could even speak.

“Fuck,” he sighed, hand running through his hair as he always does when he gets nervous. Josh would be concerned, but those two were more in love than anyone he knew – soulmates if he ever had seen some. Sometimes Brendon needed a good slap, a bucket of ice-cold water over the head, to really wake him up and show him he’s an asshole. And Dallon’s really good at doing it. “I better go and find him.”

 

 

 

 

 

It was a few days later when Josh felt it, the slices across his thighs. They weren’t actually there, he knew that, but it felt like they were. It felt like he could feel the cold drag of the blade across his skin, the way it dug into his flesh, the way the blood trickled from the wounds winding their way down his legs.

But they weren’t there.

Josh decided he was going crazy. That he was a freak. Because if this wasn’t some freakish soul bond, then he was just downright insane and he wasn’t sure which option he preferred.

It somehow felt more real than any of the past times. It wasn’t a phantom pain, it wasn’t the feathery touch of a blade – no this was worse. He had thought those times were agony, but this put that pain to shame. Tears were threatening to spill, the book he’d hidden his face behind becoming just blurred, black lines.

He couldn’t understand how someone could do this to themselves, he couldn’t begin to imagine the pain they were in to see this as some form of release or control. When thoughts of soulmates flitted through his mind like the silhouette of a distant bird, he wanted to pull this mystery person close and stick their broken pieces back together. Josh wanted to be their glue. But he shooed those thoughts away as quickly as possible.

It wasn’t a soul bond.

His mother had made that painfully clear. She threatened to get him institutionalised, that he was edging closer to insanity – he’d stopped talking about it then too.

Through all this his one saving grace was his own mind – Tyler.

The hazel eyed, soft spoken Tyler that appeared in almost every dream and every nightmare. There was an ease with the boy that Josh hadn’t experienced with anyone else. They don’t talk about anything important, about their lives (or lack thereof), it’s useless talk until someone has a crisis. Then it’s comfort and companionship.

Some nights they just sit with each other. They are the strangest dreams Josh has ever had, but the best in every way.

 

 

 

 

 

Tyler couldn’t help but sob as he shakily cut at his legs, he’d been so much better but the voices were too loud. The quiet was too loud. The pain was too loud. It was all loud. Everything. The sadness screamed at him, pulled everything into the dark abyss, slowly drained him of life once again.

It felt wrong. He didn’t have the rush of release, the comfort of control that he usually found, just pain. Pain that he felt he deserved, pain inflicted by Blurryface. His parents were sat downstairs talking happily, his brother probably sat in his room across the hall with headphones in, but Tyler was sprawled out on the floor of the bathroom, blood trickling down his thighs and pooling beneath him.

It reminded him of Josh’s hair. Josh, his apparent imaginary friend. He wished that it was his voice who haunted his waking mind, but Josh only ever came at night with his soft smile and gentle words. Josh’s hair had been the same deep red, slowly fading as days passed, but like the blood on the floor and the blood on Tyler’s hands it never fully faded.

 

 

 

 

 

Josh had never been more grateful to collapse on his own bed. The world was left forgotten outside the closed door, his phone dead on his bedside table, he could hear the muffled voices of his family float up the stairs but he couldn’t bring himself to move.

It was a bad day. It had been a long time since Josh had felt quite so low, he’d learnt to deal with his depression and his coping methods had seemed successful. Perhaps it was the phantom cutting that was getting to him, or the thoughts of death that didn’t feel like his own that swept through his mind like a hurricane, leaving a path of devastation in its wake.

There was blue hair dye sat on his desk still unopened. Tyler’s face flashed before his eyes, that small hopeful smile with red-rimmed eyes. Before he really knew what he was doing he had the bottle in his hand.

Maybe it was time for a change.

 

 

 

 

 

“You dyed it,” Tyler smiled, the blue suited him.

“I promised,” Josh shrugged, falling into step beside Tyler who was walking along the beachfront.

Tyler let out a broken laugh, “promises are made to be broken.”

“Not always,” Josh frowned, there was something wrong. A tension in the air, this ever-present sadness that hung around Tyler. “Are you okay?”

He was met with silence, but he could see the tears that broke free, runaway diamonds that revealed just how broken Tyler was. He tried to hold them back, he wanted to look strong, wanted to be the perfect version of himself that dreams should always show. “I’ve been thinking too much.”

His voice was broken, emotion straining the words that rose and fell like the waves at their feet. “You can always talk to me Tyler, I’m here for you.”

“I can’t say it,” Tyler shook his head frantically, eyes filled with fear and tears.

An arm was thrown over his shoulder, instead of flinching away like he usually does Tyler found himself melting into the warmth of Josh’s touch, “I’m here when you can.” Josh’s voice was soft like a gentle spring breeze, smooth like velvet.

They didn’t say much else, they just walked the infinite beachfront with Tyler still held against Josh’s side.

 

 

 

 

 

“I want to die.” The words ran up his throat and spilled out of his mouth, like poison they spread their dark intentions. Dallon looked up with sad eyes, a small smile on his face.

“Ty, you have so much left to live for.” Tyler shook his head, fingers picking at the healing cuts on his wrist. “You do Ty, I know it. You are meant to do something amazing, I’ve seen what you’ve written. There’s nothing like it Ty. You’re going through a tough time right now, but when you get to the other side it’ll all be worth it.”

Despite his attempts Dallon knew nothing had changed for Tyler, he knew the words he’d blurted out weren’t intended for him and that Tyler didn’t want to hear any of that from him. He just hoped that Tyler would hold out until he found the person who could save him.

 

 

 

 

 

Dallon had been off all day and it was driving Brendon insane, who was in turn driving Josh insane. “Come on Dall, just one tiny little party.”

“I’m busy tonight, I’ve already told you,” Dallon sighed, he looked tired. His eyes framed with black bags, the blue dulled like the oceans Josh sees in his dream.

The answer only served to irritate Brendon more, his jealous (and possessive) streak shining through, “busy doing what Dall?”

“I need to visit a friend, they’re not very well. I, I’m worried about them.” Brendon was too worked up to notice, but Dallon was falling apart at the seams.

“Oh let me guess, _Tyler_. Tyler from Church. Tyler that no one has seen in months. I’m not sure if I can believe a word you say anymore Dall, maybe Tyler didn’t survive. Maybe he’s dead and gone and you’re just sneaking around,” Brendon fired the words with venom, each poisoned bullet hit its mark, causing Dallon to reel backwards. His eyes were filled with tears, tears that were outshone by the intensity of the anger burning in his eyes.

“Don’t you _dare_ say that. Fuck Brendon, I thought that you would change, that maybe, maybe you’d learn to love. But fuck I was so wrong, can you not hear what you’re saying? Tyler is suicidal. Tyler has nothing to live for. The guy only started talking again the other week. So yes, I’m visiting my friend to make sure he lives to see another day. Because I’m not losing him. Not to go to some stupid party. You know I hate parties anyway.” When Dallon stormed off Josh scrambled to follow him, leaving Brendon gob-smacked and alone.

When they stopped Dallon collapsed against the wall, his body sagging as if the puppeteer had just cut all his strings. “He’ll be okay.”

“Brendon’s always okay,” Dallon muttered bitterly, rubbing at his tired and teary eyes.

“No, Tyler, Tyler’s going to be okay,” Josh assured him. That thing in his chest screaming it was true.

“You don’t know him,” Dallon sounded defeated and he looked it too, slouched over with his head hanging low, his voice drained of its usual enthusiasm.

But he made a good point. Josh didn’t know him. Not at all. But Dallon’s Tyler and the Tyler in his mind were hard not to connect, the two merging into one, and Josh couldn’t help but believe it. “I feel like I do,” he shrugged, “have faith.”

 

 

 

 

 

Dallon watched as Tyler struggled in his sleep, his face contorting in pain before suddenly stopping, a small smile gracing his face. “Josh,” it was a breathy sigh, barely loud enough for Dallon to hear.

But he did hear. And he thought long and hard, but he knew that Tyler definitely did _not_ know Josh. He decided it must be another Josh that provided the solace in Tyler’s mind, not that he cared as long as Tyler wasn’t writhing around in agony.

 

 

 

 

 

It was Tyler who found Josh this time, they weren’t at the beach either, it a park. It was nicer than the beach, the colours faded but not in the drained way of the beach, more like a loved photograph that’s faded over time.

He spotted Josh on the swings, a smile making its way onto his face as he ran over to his friend and joined him, flopping onto the empty seat. “My Dad used to take me here all the time,” Josh said eventually.

“It’s like the park near my house.” Josh didn’t tell him that was because he was part of his imagination and it was close to his own home, just like Tyler didn’t tell him it was because Josh was a hallucination and his own Dad used to take him here all the time.

“Are you okay Tyler?” Josh asked this every time they met, waiting patiently for the day Tyler was ready to speak, forever hoping that today would be that day.

“No.” The swinging stopped, neither boy looking at each other. “I can’t take it Josh, there’s all these voices in my head and it’s ringing. I can’t keep them quiet, I can drown them out, because quiet is violent but I can’t live in a world of noise forever. I just want it to stop. Is that too much to ask? My legs and arms are littered with scars and healing cuts, I’m a mess and I, I just don’t know what to do anymore.”

Josh reached over, entwining their fingers. “It’s going to be okay Ty, just, just don’t leave me. Please, don’t leave me. You’re all I have. You keep me going.”

“You do the same for me,” Tyler admitted quietly. “I wrote a song.”

The mood brightened a little, their hands still locked together, “seriously? You have to show me!”

A light blush spread across Tyler’s cheeks, “it’s not ready yet Jish.” He let out a soft giggle, making Josh’s stomach flip at the sound.

“When it is you’ll show me, right?”

“Of course, you’re my best friend.”

“And you’re mine.” Both boys didn’t question saying the words, but silently worried about befriending their own mind. Because that’s all they could be, imaginary hallucinations.

 

 

 

 

 

It continued this way for too long, the two only seeing each other in their dreams (and occasional nightmares that were much less frequent) and experiencing the other’s pain (although they didn’t know that’s what was happening).

It was raining when things changed. It was raining and Brendon and Dallon still weren’t talking. They weren’t talking and Josh had promised he’d hang out with the both of them. Which is why on that day Josh didn’t see the quiet, hazel eyed boy hiding behind Dallon’s tall frame, instead it was Tyler who saw Josh. He saw the bright blue hair on the other side of the corridor, the boy he thought didn’t exist seemed pretty darn real as he laughed with some guy with an abnormally large forehead.

He ignored the pang of jealousy that sparked in his stomach at the sight, pushing away thoughts of soulmates and love and whatever was going on. It wasn’t real. Tyler wasn’t going to believe any of it.

He somehow avoided Josh all day, despite the part of him that was begging to finally meet him. He couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t.

 

 

 

 

 

That night was different. It was dark. Rain pouring down, thunder rumbling ominously, colour so faded it was almost black and white. The sea was nowhere to be seen, the island surrounded by pitch black nothingness. It wasn’t right and Josh felt sick looking at it.

“Ty?” He called out, searching for the boy who had created this scene.

When he found him, he almost wished he hadn’t. His eyes were a deep red, hands and neck coated in black as he sat at a piano. “I wrote a song,” his voice was trembling as he spoke, not looking over at Josh.

“Can I hear it?” The broken boy nodded once, and suddenly they were surrounded by music, Josh was enraptured by it. Pulled to it like the ocean to the moon or the mosquito to a light.

“The air begins to feel a little thin

As I start the car and then I begin

To add the miles piled up behind me

I barely feel a smile deep inside me

 

And I begin to envy the headlights driving south

I want to crack the door so I can just fall out

But then I remember when you packed my car

You reached in the back and buckled up your heart

 

For me to drive away with

I begin to understand

Why God died

 

The demon sat there waiting on her porch

It was a little dark so he held a makeshift torch

And when my car was far out of sight

He crept in her room and stayed there for the night

 

And then I felt chills in my bones

The breath I saw was not my own

I knew my skin that wrapped my frame

Wasn't made to play this game

And then I saw Him, torch in hand

He laid it out, what he had planned

And then I said, I'll take the grave

Please, just send them all my way

 

And then I felt chills in my bones

The breath I saw was not my own

I knew my skin that wrapped my frame

Wasn't made to play this game

And then I saw Him, torch in hand

He laid it out, what he had planned

And then I said, I'll take the grave

Please, just send them all my way

 

I began to understand

Why God died

 

The air begins to feel a little thin

As we're waiting for the morning to begin

But for now you told my to hold this jar

And when I looked inside, I saw

It held your heart

 

For me to walk away with

I began to understand

Why God died.” He rushed to Tyler’s side, holding him close.

“It’s okay Ty, we’re going to be okay.”

“I think I love you Josh,” he sobbed into his side, hiding his face in Josh’s shirt.

“I think I love you too,” Josh whispered, pressing a light kiss to his head. “I really think I do.”

 

 

 

 

 

Josh had been humming that darn song for days, days in which Tyler successfully avoiding seeing him, and he had made the mistake of humming it by Dallon. “So you’ve met Ty then?” He laughed.

“No?” Josh’s face was the picture of confusion, head cocked to the side.

“That’s his song,” Dallon clarified, joining Josh’s confusion and perhaps surpassing it when Josh paled. “You okay?”

He watched his friend shakily nod his head, slumping in his seat, “is he here now?”

“No, he only comes in for Mondays to Wednesdays.”

“I need to see him, could you, I’ll just, where does he live?”

“I’ll take you after-school,” Dallon offered, seeing Josh’s worked-up state. He wanted to question his strange behaviour but was scared of making him worse. “Meet you here?”

“Thanks Dall, thanks,” his eyes were filled with tears that he couldn’t explain as he rushed off.

 

 

 

 

 

Tyler had been better. Hence the going to school and the leaving his room and the healing cuts that were all bandaged up and hadn’t been added to. He was better. And it was all thanks to Josh. Josh who wasn’t at all imaginary, Josh who had to be his soulmate. Josh who had to be his soulmate who he never met.

But this revelation was a setback, because Tyler wasn’t good enough for Josh. Not even a little bit. No, he would bring him down and hold him back and Tyler couldn’t have that. No. He most definitely could not.

It wasn’t the first time Josh had heard music in his head, but this was different. This was Tyler. He could feel it. He could hear it. It was something he’d written. And it was devastating.

He was crying and he couldn’t stop. Dallon looked about ready to pull over and shake him as he continued to cry, until suddenly it wasn’t just tears because it was screaming. There was so much pain. Not just in his body, not just his arms or his thighs, it was his neck as Tyler struggled for breath, it was his heart as his soulmates faltered.

“Hurry Dall, Ty needs us,” Josh forced the words out, tears pouring down his face, body shaking, even Dallon was suitably terrified. When the car stopped Josh was out in a second, running to the house he knew was Tyler’s (Ty had explained it several times to him) and running up the stairs, pushing through the pain and ignoring the words Tyler was singing (had been singing, he’d grown quiet) about him going home and death and being okay.

Nothing was okay.

“Dallon, what’s happening?” Someone asked, probably Tyler’s Mum.

“CALL AN AMBULANCE!” Josh screamed, grabbing the limp body he’d never had the chance to see outside of his dreams. “Ty, please don’t leave me.”

Tyler remained unresponsive, blood everywhere, chest still and Josh was breaking. His world had been ripped away, his world had ripped himself away. “Ty, you promised. Stay with me. Stay alive, for me.” Josh sobbed into his chest, not moving until he was physically pulled away by paramedics.

He was more hysteric than Tyler’s family, who remained stoically sad. Glassy eyed and silent. Dallon drove him to the hospital. They’d all put the pieces together, although they didn’t understand quite the extent of the soul bond, it was evident that the two were soulmates.

“You made him happier,” Zach said softly, “I don’t think he’d have made it this far if it weren’t for you.”

“He’s going to be okay. He is.” Josh muttered, repeating the words to himself. He needed it to be true. It had to be.


	2. Chapter 2

It was quiet and everything was wrong.

There was no Tyler in his dreams, although his limp body featured in many of his nightmares, no phantom pain or emotions that weren’t his, no songs floating through his mind.

And Josh hated it with every fibre of his being. He wanted Tyler back, he wanted to hold him and look into his eyes and feel everything his Momma had gone on about.

Instead he was reduced to tears, barely leaving his home unless it was to see Tyler. Tyler who was in a coma. Tyler who was dying. “Come back to me Ty,” he pleaded, taking one cold, lifeless hand in his own. “I miss you. I want to see your eyes in this life, see you sing your songs in front of thousands, because you will. I’m never leaving you Ty, all I ask is that you don’t leave me.” He was met with the steady beeps of machinery, the sound that reminded him Ty was still alive.

“You should go have a shower J, you’re starting to smell,” Maddie laughed, but it sounded lifeless, she looked about as tired as Josh felt.

“I can’t leave him Mads.” Josh had grown very close to the Joseph family, they didn’t hesitate to pull him into warm embraces and ask him to stay when they first got here. They accepted him without a second thought and Josh had never been more grateful.

Her eyes were dull when she met Josh’s, “he’s not waking up today Josh. Go home.” The words were harsh, but true. There’d been no change in Tyler’s condition and Josh was forever stuck between being glad and disappointed.

He’d heard talk of turning off life support, of giving up on Ty, but he’d cried and screamed and argued like a 5 year-old throwing a tantrum. He hadn’t heard it mentioned since.

 

 

 

 

 

Dreaming was hard to do without Tyler, it all felt empty and wrong. He’d been gone a month. No changes. Sleep was just a painful reminder of what he has lost. The hospital a colourless void, draining his hope slowly every day when nothing changed.

“They have to J, they can’t keep paying for it,” Jenna whimpered, eyes wet.

“He can’t, he’s, but, I can’t lose him.” No one replied, there was nothing they could say to make it better, instead Dallon pulled him close and let him cry into his shirt as Brendon sat in a stoic silence, eyes slightly wetter than usual.

Jenna let her lips brush against Josh’s cheek, wiping away a stray tear, “a week. They’re giving him a week.”

 

 

 

 

 

Josh visited every single day. Nothing else mattered to him. Nothing but the boy with the hazel eyes that go black with fear, the boy with the crimson cuts fading into white scars, the boy with the world’s secrets hidden in his mind. Tyler was his everything and he wasn’t ready to lose him. He just couldn’t.

“So, you have two days left to wake the hell up Ty. Or just twitch or something, anything, because I can’t lose you. You can’t leave me. I can’t. You. I. Fuck. We’ve never even.” Josh found himself unable to say what he wanted, unable to express how he felt, if Ty were awake he’d have felt the waves of emotions crashing into him; fear, pain, sadness, love, loneliness. Josh could hardly stand the emotional hurricane inside him, his emotions spilling out at random times, erupting like a fiery volcano.

In his head he tried to call out to Tyler, tried to reach out to him in some way, to get some kind of sign. But there was nothing. He cried. Again. He didn’t think there could be this many tears in the world. “If you loved me, why’d you leave me?” He asked, voice breaking as his eyes fluttered shut, tears breaking free and running a ragged course down his face. His hands gripped at Tyler’s bedsheets, trying to hold onto something concrete, but he felt like he was falling, like everything around him was crumbling away leaving him more alone than ever before.

He was so lost that he didn’t notice the Joseph’s gathered at the door, they watched him with distant teary eyes. “Take my body,” Josh sobbed, “all I want, all I need is to find somebody.” His body was shaking, the moment too heart-breaking to interrupt. “You are my somebody.” Josh stared at Tyler hopefully, wishing that something would have happened. “Our love was made for movie screens,” Josh whispered sadly, grasping at Tyler’s hand and pulling it closer, as if the added warmth, as if his love, would bring him back.

It didn’t.

Tyler was just as still. Just as silent. The only reminder that he was even alive was the steady beeping of machines that seemed to just be mocking Josh, rather than comforting him.

“Josh,” Maddie spoke softly, ignoring how Josh jolted upright and all but threw Tyler’s hand back onto the bed, “you’re not alone.” And when Josh started sobbing even louder Maddie held him close and called his Mum to drive him home, he didn’t say a word to anyone, just cried and cried and cried until he fell asleep alone in the dark.

 

 

 

 

 

Tyler hadn't changed. Not one bit. Josh's incessant begging going nowhere, his prayers going unanswered, his faith in anything falling apart.

"I can't do this without you Ty, I just can't," Josh pressed a light kiss to his cheek, his cold unmoving cheek, before stumbling out of the room. He felt sick, dizzy from it, his legs shaking like jelly beneath him as he made his way outside. He threw up in the bushes, the coffee he'd been guzzling and the muffin Maddie had forced him to eat coming up a lot easier than they'd gone down. He slipped down the wall, legs curling beneath him as his head fell forward, fresh tears falling down the travelled path on his face.

When he returned to Tyler's room with red-rimmed eyes he couldn't quite get through the door. He didn't want to see Tyler like that anymore. And for a split second he thought maybe turning off the machines would be a kindness. The thought left as quickly as it had come. Leaving behind a new self-hatred and guilt that had Josh retching all over again.

He slumped against the wall, eyes itching with the need to cry, stomach twisting uncomfortably, body crying out for some sort of escape.

Tyler.

Stay strong for Tyler.

"What's up?" He turned to his side, seeing a girl with bright blue hair much like his own. If faces are windows, hers had black-out blinds clamped shut. Her eyes were the size of the moon, much like Josh's when Brendon supplied particularly good weed.

"Nothing," he shook his head, withdrawing into himself in an effort to make her leave.

"No one's here for nothing."

"They can't let him leave," he sighed, seeing this as a chance for some release, a way to vent. "They want to turn off the life support."

"Who's they?"

Josh sighed, still refusing to look at the girl, "his family. But I need him. We need each other."

"Bullshit. Soulmates are crap. I know that's what you're talking about and I can tell you that it means nothing. You don't need anyone but yourself." Josh looked at this point, saw the anger in her eyes and the pain and the sadness and the loneliness. He never wanted to feel like that, part of him wondered what could have happened to make her feel that way. Part of him wondered if he’d feel that way if Tyler never woke up.

"I can feel it. He's going to wake up he just needs more time. He's going to be okay."

"If there's a light at the end, it's just the sun in your eyes," she scoffed, eyes rolling. "There's no such thing as a happy ending."

"Halsey?" A nurse called, worry marring her features, only easing when she saw the blue haired girl. Josh’s question died on his lips. "Come on darling." She left like she had come, without a word of greeting and all too suddenly.

He couldn't think of anything to say to Tyler when he did return. He just sat there for a long time, memorising the features he may not see again. "I met a girl like you today. She was sad and lonely. I think you'd like her. I wish I could have found you first Ty. Before the world got to you. Before they destroyed you. Before you were pushed to do something like this. I really do."

 

 

 

 

 

Josh had grown used to seeing Tyler appear in his dreams as a mere figment of his imagination, a ploy from his own mind to hurt him more, forever pushing him closer to the edge.

But something about this was different. It wasn’t the island. In fact, it wasn’t anything, just blackness, but there was this sound like muffled music. And he followed. He followed it because it was a dream and nothing could go wrong here.

He followed the sound until it grew louder, until it grew clearer and stronger, the words floating to him now, clear and true. They were beautiful, not the original, but sung by a voice that was wise beyond its years. It sounded like Tyler and Josh thanked his own mind for giving him this small piece of heaven.

It was the song lyrics he’d mangled when he’d sobbed to Tyler a few days earlier, a song he’d claimed for his own, tears sprang to life again. There was a door in front of him, a glossy black barrier, he didn’t hesitate in opening it and going inside, nearly breaking down again at the sight.

Tyler.

Tyler.

Tyler.

Tyler, singing softly, throwing his soul into the performance. He hadn’t noticed his audience, lost in the song he was singing, a tear rolling down his face. Josh stayed frozen like a deer in the line of an oncoming bus, heart running wild in his chest. It’s your imagination, he told himself, destroying the lingering embers of hope before they could grow into something stronger. He didn’t step closer, didn’t interrupt the moment.

He couldn’t. But then there were no words, just music and a call that broke Josh’s stupor. "Josh!" It wasn't a scream for help, or a taunt, no this sounded more like an excited puppy. The cheered call when you see someone you've not seen for too long. "JOSH!"

"It's not you Ty. I can't do this again. I'm about to lose him. I can’t go through this again." Josh muttered, squeezing his eyes tight.

"It's me, I promise it's me. Oh god, Josh I messed up. I really did. And I was just so scared. And you. You don't deserve me. You deserve better. So much better than me. And. I didn't want to drag you down. I couldn't do that. You're an angel. And I'd just rip off your wings." Josh slowly looked up, seeing a dishevelled looking Tyler with teary eyes. “But, you, you said those things and you were so sad and I couldn’t leave you. I’ll never leave you,” their embrace was tight, the two bodies becoming one as Tyler pulled Josh impossibly closer.

"Ty?" He let the hope in his heart flare up, when Tyler nodded shyly he didn't hesitate in pulling him into a hug. "I love you. I love you. I fucking love you Tyler Joseph. You are perfect to me, you're the one I want to spend forever with. You're in a fucking coma Ty, I can't, this is, I just want you to be okay.”

“If you loved me, why’d you leave me? Take my body, take my body. All I want is, all I need is, to find somebody, I’ll find somebody like you,” Tyler sang the final verse, lips meeting Josh’s with a puff of warm breath. “I have you now, I’m going to be okay.” His confession was whispered against pale skin, head buried into Josh’s shoulder as he refused to move.

“I almost lost you Ty, I was so scared I was going to lose you.”

“I am so sorry Josh. And I knew, I could hear you but I couldn’t move, and god it was killing me. That was my biggest regret. I could feel you, your warmth, your sadness and I couldn’t move, couldn’t change anything. Fuck. I could, that whole time, I could hear and I could think but I was like, trapped, it was so strange. I was in some sort of bubble, I was stuck in my own mind, I wrote you so many songs, tried so hard to reach out to you. But it was one way. And then I heard those lyrics, how broken you were, and I pushed harder, I could feel your desperation. Don’t hurt yourself Josh, please, please promise me.”

“I promise, do you?” Tyler nodded, eyes wide. “God, it feels so great to have you back.”

“I missed you.”

A small smile graced Tyler’s lips. “You have me now.”

“And I won’t let go.” They stayed locked in each other’s embrace for far too long, time meant nothing to them, words weren’t needed. There was warmth and steady heartbeats and love flowing from the two of them, outside the house of Tyler’s creation the sea lapped at the shore, birds sang pretty songs, but none of it compared to the moment happening right now.

“You know, this is all a dream,” Ty reminded him with a sad sigh, “I, I don’t know if I can wake up yet.” And all too suddenly Josh remembered what was supposed to happen today.

 

 

 

 

 

He shot up, heart racing as he scrambled to his feet and pulled on the closest clothes. He didn’t stop to eat, just grabbed his phone and called Maddie. He didn’t check the time, but it was daylight and that was troubling enough.

“Mads, he’s awake, he’s awake. He’s okay. I saw him, okay? Just, just don’t turn off the machine,” Josh panted into the phone, leaving a desperate voicemail just like that one on each of the Joseph’s phones. It wasn’t enough though. No one answered. Not a single one, and the ice-cold fear in his veins spread further, the chill spreading to his bones.

His parents were out and he couldn’t cycle fast enough, legs burning with the exercise he’d forced them into, his lungs burnt with the need for air. He had to make it. He had too.

The ride to the hospital felt excruciatingly long, his whole body aching by the time he threw his bike to the ground and ran through the hospital doors. His breathing was coming in short gasps, the nurses who knew him smiling with sympathy, random strangers frowning in confusion as he barrelled past rushing to the room he’d spent the large majority of the past month in.

“STOP! DON’T TURN IT OFF!” Josh screamed, seeing Jay head into Tyler’s room, he turned at the sound with teary eyes. Josh nearly broke down there and then, fearing he was too late. “Please, he’s okay, he was in my dream, he was awake, he’s okay, he’s getting better, please,” Josh begged, pushing past Zach to clutch at Chris. “I promise,” he whimpered.

They all turned to Tyler’s body, not much had changed, not much at all but as they stared in defeat they saw something that had smiles growing on their faces.

A twitch.

His eyes twitched.

“Call a nurse son,” Chris smiled, an arm wrapping around Josh.

Kelly kissed his cheek, “I’m sorry we ever doubted you,” she whispered into his ear. But Josh didn’t care because Tyler was getting better.

 

 

 

 

 

It took a while for him to wake up, but that week seemed like nothing in comparison to the month prior, for a start Josh had those dream visits and Tyler would pass on messages to his family. Josh refused to leave the room, insisting that he _had_ to be there when Tyler woke up.

No amount of bribery was working, and everyone had tried.

They really had. But Josh was adamant. The nurses had learnt to work around him and to stop trying to convince him to leave, instead allowing him to use the shower and sneaking him food when they could. His tired smiles and endless thanks made it worthwhile, their budding romance was quite the story and all the nurses loved getting involved, smiling sweetly when they saw the devotion in Josh’s eyes.

So when Tyler actually woke up it was surprising and slightly anti-climatic.

Whether they expected fireworks, or his eyes to slowly blink open, or maybe him to hoarsely whisper a hello no one really knew.

Instead they were greeted with a choking noise, the tube down his throat causing discomfort when he tried to speak and breathe and do just about anything.

“TY!” Josh squealed, pressing the nurse button, “it’s okay, relax, they’ll take it out now.” When they did Tyler threw up, eyes glazed and distant, already falling shut. He seemed unable to do much, head falling back, body heavy and sluggish, he did however manage a small, weak smile at Josh.

“It’s alright honey, I’ll clean you up, you sleep.” Tyler whined, frowning sadly.

“Want a drink?” Josh offered, already moving the glass of water to Tyler’s lips, helping him take small sips. “That’s it, not too much or you’ll throw up again.”

‘I love you’, the words weren’t spoken aloud, rather in his head but Josh smiled all the same. He was pretty sure Tyler was asleep as soon as those words had finished, eyes shut and body still.

“I love you too.” Everything felt right with the world, turns out that light wasn’t just the sun in his eyes after all.

 

 

 

 

 

When Tyler next woke it was to see Josh hunched over in the chair, or he thought it was Josh – his eyes wouldn’t quite open all the way and through the slits he could see a blur of blue. He took his time blinking away the sleep in his eyes, he felt exhausted already but he had to talk to Josh. He had to.

“Josh,” his voice croaked and sounded alien to his ears, barely making a sound at all. “Josh.” It took a few seconds but eventually the blue-haired boy began to stir, stretching out his legs with a yawn.

“Ty,” his smile was tired but genuine, eyes still swollen with sleep met Tyler’s and it was like a warm blanket had been wrapped around them, a feeling of belonging and love and home. Not a spark or a tidal wave, just finally being where they needed to be. “I missed you,” he sighed eventually, taking Tyler’s hand in his.

Tyler smiled, a genuine smile that lit up his eyes, squeezing Josh’s hand softly, “I don’t plan on going anywhere.”

“Did you want a drink or something? A nurse? More medicine?” Josh asked, already looking around the room as if the answer would manifest. A soft blush spread across tanned cheeks as Tyler shook his head.

“I, uh, actually just wanted you,” his voice quiet with embarrassment and Josh’s eyes had never been so bright.

“Oh.” He couldn’t think of the words to say, so instead brought Tyler’s hand to his lips and pressed a soft kiss, smiling against the skin. “Your hands are warmer now.” Their moment was ruined by the door flying open and an awkward giant stumbling into the room.

“Ty!” Dallon was wrapped around Tyler in an awkward hug before either boy could get out a greeting. “Fuck, I thought, never mind, just-”

“It’s okay Dall, I don’t think that’ll be happening again.” Tyler glanced at Josh, full of hope and happiness. But Josh felt dread growing in the pit of his stomach, because he knew it wouldn’t be that easy and that Tyler’s depression and whatever else he was battling wouldn’t just disappear. He kept these thoughts to himself though, smiling easily over at Dallon.

“You know, this loser has barely left your side. The only times he has is when his mum shows up or Mads threw him out,” Dallon laughed, the conversation was a little awkward. The elephant in the room being Tyler’s condition, being what happened, being what will happen. Things weren’t back to plain sailing and no one could claim they were. Though it could have been worse, that’s what Tyler keeps telling himself, they could have reacted a whole lot worse.

Josh and Dallon had started speaking softly to each other when they realised Tyler was drifting again, the medicine left him spaced out and it was a miracle he was awake anyway. “How’s Brendon?” Tyler’s voice shocked the two of them, Dallon physically recoiling although that was probably due to the subject.

“He’s. Well. He’s Brendon.”

“That isn’t an answer Dall.”

“I don’t know, we went through a rough patch with you in here and him being a dick. Sometimes I wonder how we could be soulmates, how are we meant to be together? It doesn’t make sense. I put up with all his crap and all his baggage and he repays me with possessive jealousy. Some days I don’t think he’s even capable of love,” as Dallon spilled his thoughts, not for the first time in this hospital either, his eyes filled with unshed tears.

There was an uncomfortable tension in the room as Tyler rushed to think of what to say, “Dall, you, you don’t have to be with him. If he doesn’t make you happy. Okay? Please, for me, be happy.” Dallon nodded slowly, wiping away the tears trickling down his face.

“I, I, I really love him,” Dall sobbed, Josh moved to hug him since Tyler wasn’t in the position to do so.

“Talk to him Dall, talk to him and make him see,” Josh suggested, Dallon nodded again clutching onto Josh.

“I’m sorry, this is supposed to be about Tyler, we’re supposed to be happy and celebrate.”

“Dallon, don’t let anyone tell you you’re not important or that your feelings don’t matter. They do. They really do,” Tyler sighed, voice leaving no room for arguments but still holding that soft tone. “He’ll realise eventually, he doesn’t deserve you Dall, but for some reason you two are meant to be together. Maybe it’s a fuck up, or maybe it’s just taking a while for that to become clear.” Josh was gazing at Tyler as if he were some angelic messenger, a messiah, a God among men, and it was making Tyler blush and stare at his hands. “Stop staring at me,” he whined eventually, still not meeting Josh’s gaze.

“I can’t help it, you’re so pretty.” Tyler’s blush only intensified, Dallon chuckled softly at the two of them. “Shut up Dall.”

Conversation slowly started flowing again, Tyler drifted asleep not long later, his eyes refusing to stay open and his breath evening out. “He’s okay now Josh, he’s going to be okay,” Dallon reminded him, a hand patting at his knee. Josh didn’t want to voice his concerns, mostly because he didn’t want to have to think about them either, so instead he nodded and smiled up at Dallon.

“I know. He’s back now. We have him back.”

There was a look in Dallon’s eyes that he couldn’t quite place, something fond and fearful, “look after yourself Josh. You’re important too.” And with those words hanging heavy in the air Dallon left, the door clicking shut loudly behind him and effectively trapping Josh and Tyler in a bubble of silence.

But silence has always been violent. And violent thoughts grew louder in Josh’s head, spitting their venom at him and hitting their mark. It was only when Tyler whimpered that Josh was snapped from his stupor, when his eyes fell on the skinny figure of his soulmate the voices stopped and everything felt like home. Tyler’s face cleared, like the sun breaking through the clouds, his face relaxed and Josh couldn’t help but smile.

It felt good to belong.

 

 

 

 

 

“Why are you crying?” Tyler’s voice was small and fragile, as delicate as a beautiful glass ornament hidden safely on a high shelf, and all Josh could do was flinch back and rub at his eyes in an effort to scrub clean the evidence.

“It’s nothing,” but his voice was cracking and his hands were shaking and his leg was bouncing and he was still crying. Soft fingers landed on pale skin, scarred wrists brushing against shaking hands in an effort to still him. “It’s nothing,” Josh repeated, voice rising as he shuffled back.

Understanding crossed Tyler’s face, withdrawing his own hands and smiling sadly, “okay Jish, but I’m here. I’m here and I’m not leaving.” The words acted as a key to unleash the damn restraining Josh’s tears, his body wracked with sobs that left him heaving.

“But you’re not okay. You can’t just be okay. You don’t try to kill yourself and wake up fine. None of us are okay Tyler!” Josh shouted between wheezing breaths, he couldn’t see straight, couldn’t see anything but a blur of black blobs. He’d have been able to see Tyler wince, see a solitary tear fall down rosy cheeks, see hands reach out to touch before being brought back.

But he didn’t see. Because Josh was so worked up, he was distraught, Tyler could feel it in his own chest the aching sadness, the numb, the fear, the relief and the hope he was trying not to let grow. “We’re going to be fine Josh. We will be.” The words were whispered but hung heavy in the air, flew like doves up in hope and spiralled until falling, falling into the black Josh had created.

“I’m so scared,” Josh whispered, falling into Tyler’s lap, wrapping himself round the taller boy.

“Me too. But we’re going to get through this together J, we’re meant to get through this together.” Josh cried himself to sleep in Tyler’s arms, and Tyler finally realised what he had been putting people through.

He didn’t like it.

 

 

 

 

 

Tyler gripped Josh’s arm tightly as he put his weight on shaky legs, but Josh only smiled happily when Tyler was finally standing. “Wanna sit back down?”

“I want to walk to that chair,” his face was set, teeth drawing in his bottom lip in concentration, eyes narrowing on his target and Josh’s smile grew larger.

“Come on then baby boy.” It was more like Josh was carrying Tyler than Tyler actually walking, but Tyler’s smile lit up the entire room. “Well done Ty,” Josh laughed, pressing a kiss to his cheek in the excitement.

They’d only kissed in their dreams, not because they’d avoided it in the ‘real’ world but that it never felt right. Both boy’s cheeks flushed a deep red, smiles on their faces, “kiss me again?” Tyler looked up at Josh with fluttering eyelashes, screaming innocence in that pure smile and glowing eyes.

“You don’t have to ask,” Josh whispered against Tyler’s lips before bringing them together. It was slow and it was warm and it was love. It was everything they’d dreamed, the two in sync with each other as they got lost in the taste of the other.

“You taste like coffee,” Tyler laughed when they finally pulled back, hands resting on Josh’s shoulders as he stared into the crinkled eyes.

“You taste like home.”

“You’re such a sap,” teased Tyler, but his heart had fluttered and his stomach had done all sorts of flips.

Josh shrugged, “only for you.” He leant in for another kiss, unable to resist Tyler’s glistening red lips. “Now I’ve started I don’t know if I can stop,” he confessed with a small laugh.

“I don’t know if I want you to stop,” Tyler giggled, pulling Josh closer once more and pressing kisses all over his face.

Their love-fest was only stopped by the presence of Tyler’s family, who didn’t particularly mind, but Tyler was a bit distracted whenever Josh’s lips were on his body. They didn’t part though, Josh had slotted their fingers together, thumb rubbing small circles into Tyler’s hand as he let Tyler lean into his side.

 

 

 

 

 

“Doc said I can leave,” Tyler beamed as soon as Josh got through the door.

“Already?”

“It’s been two weeks Josh, how long is enough? I’m getting my strength back, my medication is back down and I’m in a good place.”

“You know I didn’t mean anything by it Ty, just want you to be okay.”

“We’re getting there Josh, I promise.” He opened his arms, pulling Josh in as soon as he could get a grip on his shirt. “Me and you, we’re going to be okay,” he pressed a kiss to Josh’s forehead, a smile breaking out onto his face when Josh smiled up at him.

“You know, I’m lucky to have you. I love you.”

“I love too.” Hands started running through Josh’s hair, gently pulling out tangles of the blue mop, “we should dye your hair again.” Tyler murmured more to himself then at Josh.

“What colour?”

The silence ticked by as Tyler thought seriously, “pink,” he smiled eventually the word bordering on a cheer.

A ragged sigh fell from Josh’s mouth, one that would suggest annoyance but he was smiling softly up at Tyler, “I must really love you.” Tyler only giggled before swooping down to capture Josh in another kiss. “I can’t wait to get you out of here.” Truth was Josh had had enough of white walls and the smell of hospitals, it was too clean, too pure, tainted with memories of pain and loss and death.

No.

Josh wanted out.

The hospital was just a painful reminder of what could have happened and had Josh itching to rip at his own skin.

“We’re going to be okay,” Tyler sighed, eyes scanning Josh’s face because he knew something was up, he could feel it in his gut. Something cold and dark and black twisting around and reaching out poisoned tendrils that wrapped around his lungs and continued to spread.

 

 

 

 

 

His heart was running wild in his chest, anxiety gripping his throat as his fingers danced a rhythm across his wrist. “It’ll be fine,” Josh assured him, not for the first time, reaching over and taking his hand instead.

“I’m meeting your parents!” Tyler squealed, itching to just leave.

“Ty, they’ve heard so much about you already, they’ll love you.” The assurances came easily and at regular intervals, but Josh could feel Tyler’s anxiety in waves, his own heart racing as a result. And when the door finally opened signalling the return of his parents Tyler pretty much fell over in a rush to go the mirror, patting his hair down before spiking it up again then letting out a whimper. “You look gorgeous, come on,” a kiss was planted on Tyler’s cheek before he was led down the stairs.

“You must be Tyler, Josh doesn’t shut up about you,” Laura smiled, skipping the handshake and pulling Tyler in for a hug instead. “We’re happy you’re okay.”

Tyler wasn’t sure what to do, his hands flailing at his sides before finally getting them round Laura to return her eager hug. “Nice to meet you son,” Bill smiled, a large hand falling softly onto his shoulder and squeezing gently. He was whisked into family life, with Laura taking him into the kitchen and fussing over him as she prepared their meal. Ashley had swooped in at some point, cooing over Ty’s floral kimono sparking the brightest of smiles from the tanned boy.

Josh hung back, resting against the doorway as he watched, smiling absently at the scene before him. Smiling as Tyler began to relax, as he span round the room with his kimono billowing behind him laughing that musical laugh, his eyes were bright and his crooked smile was brighter.

He was part of the family.

His heart ached at it, the love seeping through the cracks, and when Tyler turned to him with his head cocked to the side and a small smile on his face, “come on Joshie, lets dance,” he giggled. Josh’s hand was soon grabbed by Tyler as he was pulled into the room, Laura and Ashely laughed as the two span around laughing, Tyler was humming a tune under his breath.

“You’re beautiful you know,” Josh whispered, the words falling out of his mouth.

“I love you,” Tyler beamed, pressing a kiss to Josh’s cheek. Jordan and Bill were smiling at their interaction, no doubt making notes to tease Josh later.

“I love you too.” Josh forgot about the pressure in his mind, or the black wrapped around his soul, Tyler’s light made him forget all of that as they laughed and danced and kissed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the reaction to this has been insane and I've had a bit more free time so I figured I'd post this now. There is more to come, chapter 3 is being written right now.
> 
> This chapter was influenced by the Kodaline song 'All I Want' which was pretty much on repeat when I wrote this. 
> 
> Again, I want to hear what you think, comment or talk to me on tumblr: whatisdunisdun - this is a new account and I wanna know who all you lovely people are (also prompts are great so send me ideas frens) |-/


	3. Chapter 3

“Jish, Jishwa,” Tyler’s excited voice was accompanied with shaking as Josh woke slowly, blinking blearily at Tyler.

“What is it Ty?”

“Look!” Hands were thrust in front of his face, but in the semi-darkness of the room Josh couldn’t see a damn thing.

“I can’t see Ty,” he huffed out a laugh, moving to sit up and turning on the light. The yellow cast tall shadows across the walls, but Josh’s attention was captured by the boy practically vibrating with happiness.

“Look, look,” his fingers wiggled in front of Josh’s face, pastel pink painted over his nails. “Look what Ashley did!”

He was like a child at Christmas, bouncing at the side of the bed as he looked at Josh with eager eyes, both boys smiling, “they’re very cute baby boy.” He took the tanned hand in his own, running his thumb over a painted nail.

“Ashley said they really suit me, she said they’d go really well with my kimono,” he continued, the words rushing out of his mouth leaving Josh’s smile to grow wider and wider.

“They really will,” he laughed, pulling Tyler closer to press their lips together. The kiss was short and sweet, Tyler’s lips tasted like tangerines as he melted into Josh. “What did you want to do today?”

Hands reached up to mess with the faded locks atop his head, blue giving way to dark brown once again. “Let’s dye your hair,” Tyler suggested, it came out as more of a question and he beamed once more when Josh nodded, “we can get it to match my nails!”

Josh couldn’t help but laugh, but he knew that Tyler likely wasn’t joking at all. “You eaten yet?” Tyler shook his head, biting his lip nervously. It still wasn’t all plain-sailing, there has been more than one shouting match and Josh walked in on Tyler with a blade about a week ago, Tyler got dumb ideas sometimes. Those voices would whisper insults that planted poisoned seeds in his head that blossomed into devious ideas. “Let’s eat out then.”

 

 

 

 

 

They’d been stood in the hair-dye aisle for about 15 minutes as Tyler picked up box after box before placing them back again, Josh was starving and Tyler had insisted they buy the hair dye first. “What’s wrong with this one again?” Josh sighed, picking up a pink that looked identical to all the others Tyler had vetoed.

“It won’t suit you, it just isn’t right. Stop complaining,” Tyler muttered, still going through countless boxes before an excited gasp left his lips. “This one!”

Josh somehow held back the comment about it being identical to the first one Tyler had picked, “it looks cool.”

“You’ll match my nails,” Tyler giggled, the small smile on his face making it all worth it. Josh pulled him under one arm, which was pretty difficult given that Tyler was taller than him, but they managed it. The two leaning into each other, laughing and talking in hushed voices, eyes glistening with happiness, smiles on their faces.

Josh was about ready to eat his own hand by the time they sat down, ordering the biggest stack of pancakes as Tyler laughed at him. “What?”

“You’re a doofus, that’s what, and I love you.”

 

 

 

 

 

But every time they took a step forward, there was another step back. Whether it was the dark thoughts in Josh’s mind, or a stupid argument, or Tyler’s relapse. It wasn’t a walk in the park. Not every day.

“You promised!” Josh screamed, ignoring the tears on Tyler’s face, ignoring him as much as he could because there were thin red lines dripping on his wrist and Josh could feel them on his own wrist and it _hurt_.

It hurt because Tyler said he would talk to him instead. It hurt because it reminded him that things weren’t better. It hurt because it was exactly what he wanted. It hurt because it wasn’t enough.

“I’m sorry,” Tyler whimpered, dropping the blade to the floor with a clatter, blood smearing his fingertips.

Josh faltered, legs giving way beneath him as he fell to the floor, his body was shaking, his hands desperate to pick up the razor. “We’re supposed to be getting better.”

“We are, we are, I promise, we are,” Tyler cried, crawling beside Josh, hand brushing his cheek.

“I’m not. I’m not okay Ty.” It was the first time that Josh had verbally admitted anything, up until now it’s only been Tyler’s intuition and their bond that’s kept Ty in the loop.

Soft lips kissed away his tears, “that’s okay. We’re broken people. That’s okay. Our brains are sick, but that’s okay. We’re going to be okay.” They held onto each other, Tyler’s blood drying on the two of them, until their tears had gone leaving Josh with a numbness he needed rid of.

“Kiss me?” He asked, wiping away the last of his tears. Tyler couldn’t say no, he could feel Josh’s pain, feel how empty he felt and it was killing him too. When their lips met the warmth began to spread, painted fingers moving to grip candyfloss hair.

There still wasn’t enough though.

Tyler shifted, throwing a leg over Josh’s and straddling his lap, using his new position to deepen their kiss. He heard Josh moan, mouth falling open and allowing Tyler to explore the new territory, to taste every inch of him.

As Tyler continued his onslaught Josh let his fingers dance up Tyler’s back, slip up the shirt and skim the warm skin there before landing on slim hips. “I love you,” he gasped when Tyler pulled back.

“I love you too Josh, I love you so much,” he whispered against his neck before latching on and sucking a deep purple mark. Josh was moaning, groaning, gasping beneath him, breath hitching and eyes blown with arousal.

It was a strange feeling, the arousal coiling in his gut was accompanied by Josh’s, the two feelings twisting together until they were just one euphoria. Josh’s hips stuttered up, searching for a friction he couldn’t quite manage.

“You want more?” Tyler asked, searching his eyes for any reluctance. This would be their first time, their first sexual act.

“Please,” Josh whined, hungrily searching for Tyler’s mouth as he continued to rut against his leg.

“I’ll take care of you babe,” Tyler promised, fingers already grabbing at Josh’s jeans. He’d already decided he didn’t want to have sex, not like this, not with this memory as their first time. He’d pleasure Josh in other ways.

He wasn’t exactly experienced when it came to sex, or anything sexual actually, in fact all he knew came from porn he’d watch when no one else was around.

But Josh seemed to be enjoying it. Josh had been drowning, he’d been lost at sea, but Tyler was pulling him up, he was the ship that came to save him. “Fuck,” Josh groaned as Tyler finally freed his dick, hands still clutching at his slim body.

It wasn’t comfortable, not really, the position was all wrong and the bathroom was pretty small anyway already restricting their space. Tyler was not a quitter though. He latched his lips onto Josh’s neck, sucking blossoming bruises there as his hand began to pump Josh. “You know, if you stood up this would be easier.”

Josh would have agreed to anything in this moment, his brain struggling to cope. He managed to get to his feet, dragging Tyler up with him still kissing his jaw and his cheek and his neck and anywhere he could reach. His hands were momentarily distracted by Josh’s skin, the pale white expanse begging to be explored.

And Tyler could have done so for hours, but Josh’s whining brought him back to the issue at hand, “Ty.” His hips bucked again, rubbing his erection into Tyler’s clothed leg. Josh wasn’t sure what he thought Tyler was going to do, but drop to his knees and smile up at him wasn’t high on the list.

Not that he was complaining.

When Tyler wrapped plump, red lips around his dick Josh almost came right away. It wasn’t perfect, it was experimental, but Tyler’s eyes were fluttering shut. Eyelashes brushing against tan skin, hazel eyes meeting Josh’s, hazel eyes nearly black with lust.

Somehow Tyler managed to look innocent. Blinking up at him like that, lips red and wet, mouth turned up in a slight smile and his throat vibrating with the noises he was making around Josh’s cock.

Josh couldn’t manage anything, he was falling apart, his breath was ragged as moans were ripped from body, as the burning arousal coursed through his veins. “I’m going to cum Ty,” he gasped out his warning, hips stuttering as he tried to restrain from fucking Tyler’s mouth.

But Tyler didn’t stop. If anything he tried harder, taking Josh in a little further, fingers gripping at Josh’s thighs and when Josh came with a shout he did his best to swallow. Josh had him in a kiss as soon as he’d pulled off, the blissful euphoria of orgasm still engulfing him. Everything seemed heavenly and Tyler was looking more beautiful than ever.

His tongue explored his mouth, hands scrambling to get into his jeans. It was a messy attempt at a hand-job, but Tyler was close to the edge anyway and with Josh’s warm hands stroking his dick whilst his lips never faltered he was coming in minutes.

They found themselves on the floor again, along with the mess from earlier, but neither seemed to mind anymore. Josh pulled Tyler against his chest, fingers running through brown hair. Tyler just sighed, melting into Josh’s warm touch. “Thank you,” Josh whispered, eyes distant.

“I love you.”

“I love you too Ty, so much.” They fell asleep like that. Uncomfortable, messy, surrounded by reminders of how they slip up but of how love was so much more important.

 

 

 

 

 

Brendon nearly passed out he was laughing so hard when he saw Josh’s new hair colour. “Very manly Josh, loving it,” he had cackled, ignoring the way Tyler had flinched back and hid his hands in his pockets.

“I like it,” Josh shrugged, glaring at him when Tyler wasn’t looking.

“Sure, I mean, there are worse things,” Brendon agreed, “not many though.”

Dallon let out a groan, “just shut up will you,” he snapped. The two were still having issues, in fact, Dallon was only here because he didn’t want to leave Tyler and Tyler didn’t want to leave Josh and Brendon loved to annoy them all.

“You two are adorable,” Jenna smiled happily at the hands that gripped at each other, providing a blissful distraction from Brendon. “I’m loving the colour scheme.” Tyler’s fragile smile returned as he nervously glanced between Josh’s hair, his kimono, his flowery vans and the pastel varnish on his nails.

“You have Ashley to thank,” Josh laughed, pressing a kiss to Tyler’s cheek in an effort to help him relax.

“As much as I want to just stand here and stare at how cute you are, me and Ty need to get going,” she seemed reluctant to bring it up. Tyler and Josh had rarely spent a minute apart, crashing at each other’s houses, skipping school until Tyler was strong enough. Josh’s anxiety just wouldn’t have it.

He was so terrified something would happen and he wouldn’t be there. That Tyler would leave him. It was irrational, he knew it was mostly irrational, but the thoughts wouldn’t leave.

“Love you,” Tyler sighed meeting his lips for a chaste kiss.

“Catch you soon baby boy, love you.” As soon as Tyler was out of sight, when he was far enough away that he wouldn’t hear Josh turned to Brendon with fire in his eyes. “Do you have to be a dick to Tyler whenever you get the chance?” Josh spat angrily as Brendon jumped back.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Bullshit. Fucking bullshit. Damn it Brendon, just leave him alone. He doesn’t need you being an asshole, he’s always so nervous as it is. Just. Just think. Maybe if you tried thinking about other people for once then you and Dallon wouldn’t be having issues and you’d be less grouchy.”

Brendon looked about ready to explode, his eyes hardening, “the only grouchy one here is you. Stop being so protective over your little princess, he’ll be fine, he’s a big boy now.”

‘Calm down.’ It was Tyler’s voice in his head that cleared through the red he was seeing, that was the only thing that stopped his fist colliding with Brendon’s face.

‘I’m trying.’

He could feel Tyler’s laughter echoing through his body. ‘Try a little harder baby.’

“I’ll knock you out Brendon, I swear, don’t talk about Tyler like that.” Josh turned and stalked away before the anger that Tyler had kept at bay reappeared. He was desperate to go back and shout abuse, to make Brendon see just how much of an asshole he was, to make him see how cold and unfeeling he is.

But Tyler didn’t want that.

And that was reason enough for Josh not to do it.

 

 

 

 

 

Tyler was laughing as his fingers danced across the keys of the piano, glossy black reflecting the bright sun, reflecting his bright smile. As Tyler played random melodies, laughing along, humming at times, Josh just watched on in adoration.

The sea lapped at the shore behind them, no longer a dull grey but the most stunning of blue’s. It’s crystal clear waters like rare gems sparkling under the sun.

Their dream world had found colour. Tyler’s mind had found colour. “What are you thinking about over there?” Tyler asked, his voice melodic.

“You mostly.”

“Only mostly?” Tyler laughed, still playing as he watched Josh stretch his arms over his head, admiring the way his muscles moved under his skin.

“Maybe a little more than mostly.” Although the words were a quiet confession Tyler heard them, and Josh knew that Tyler would hear because he always did. “Sing a song for me?”

“What would I play?”

“I don’t know, something beautiful.”

Tyler scoffed, biting his lip as he tried to think of anything worthy of Josh’s time, “I don’t know anything beautiful.”

“Anything sung by you is beautiful.” Tyler shook his head, a blush spreading across his cheeks. “It is Tyler, you have a beautiful voice. You have a gift baby boy, and one day you’re going to share it with the world.”

He made his way next to Tyler, dropping down to sit beside him. “I don’t know anything beautiful,” Tyler whispered again, eyes duller than before and it broke Josh’s heart. He promised himself that he would make Tyler believe he was lovely, believe that he was beautiful, believe he had a gift.

“Okay, teach me instead,” he offered, smiling at Tyler. Although in theory the idea was a good one, there was the distraction of the boy beside him, of soft lips and softer hands, of warm bodies and warmer hearts. Needless to say Josh got caught up in Tyler, as he always did, and the two spent the rest of their time dreaming exploring each other’s body and getting lost in the taste.

 

 

 

 

 

“Morning,” Josh greeted with a kiss to Tyler’s cheek. “You played well last night.”

His cheeks were turning that delicious shade of red again as he smiled up at Josh, “I was a little distracted.”

“Really?” Josh asked, faking innocence, but Tyler just raised an eyebrow and Josh lost it. “I couldn’t help it, you were just sat there looking pretty.”

“I was trying to teach you!”

“And you were looking so pretty doing it. It’s not my fault.”

Tyler shook his head in exasperation, his lips turned up in a small smile. “It is most definitely your fault. But I suppose I’ll find it in my heart to forgive you.”

“Have you two stopped looking at each other with heart eyes yet?” Brendon called, not looking up from his phone. Almost instantly Josh felt the urge to scream and shout and throw a few punches, but Tyler’s small hand had dropped on his arm and he felt calmer. He felt it running through him like waves, like their sapphire sea lapping at the shore, Tyler helped calm him.

Surprisingly it was Tyler who spoke up, “fuck off Brendon. You’re just jealous because Dallon won’t put out until you learn how to feel.” People stared at Tyler with open mouths as Josh grinned proudly, even Dallon was struggling to hold back his laughter as Brendon gaped.

“Have I told you recently that I love you?”

“You may have mentioned it,” Tyler giggled, pulling Josh in for a quick kiss. “Really must dash, catch ya later dog breath.”

And like the spring breeze Tyler was gone in an instant, although his memory remained intact because Brendon was still silent and Dallon had finally cracked and was laughing hysterically and a couple of random people were whispering and Josh was just proud as hell.

 

 

 

 

 

“Are you seriously not gunna dry off any more than that?” Tyler asked in shock, Josh had a towel wrapped low around his waist but had seemed not to use it if the water running down his back was anything to go by.

“Nah,” he was rummaging through his drawers trying to find a vest and some boxers.

“Josh!” He turned at the outrage in Tyler’s voice, frowning in confusion, “you can’t not dry off, all your clothes will get wet.”

“So? They’ll dry.”

“Nope. Dry off. I am not living with an animal.”

“I like drying off naturally, it feels good. I’m letting the earth do it.” The water was glistening in diamonds across pale skin, and apart from making Josh look more attractive than usual, Tyler saw zero bonuses.

“I can’t believe this. I knew you were too good to be true, and here is the catch.”

“I actually can’t tell if you’re joking right now, but I really hope that you are.” Tyler sat cross legged with a pout, still frowning at a still dripping Josh.

Reluctantly Josh pulled on some boxers and quickly dried off, “happy now?”

“Very.” Tyler beamed as if nothing had ever happened, patting the bed beside him, “come sit down lover boy.”

“You’re a pain in my ass.”

“Only in your fantasises Jishwa.”

 

 

 

 

 

Josh was curled into Tyler’s chest, pastel pink fingers carding through pastel pink hair as they watched TV. Maddie was babbling on about something, her voice becoming nothing but background noise, Laura’s half-hearted answers also fading away. “Are you asleep?” Tyler asked quietly, hands never stilling.

“Just resting my eyes,” Josh whispered back, opening his eyes for a second to smile at Tyler before returning to the warmth. “What did you want?”

“Can we get ice-cream tomorrow?”

Josh couldn’t not laugh, it bubbled up out of him and spilt free like pastel petals. “Of course baby boy.” He didn’t have to open his eyes to know that Tyler was smiling down at him “Finally taking my baby on a date.”

The semi-silence returned and with Tyler’s soft hands and steady breathing and warmth Josh drifted into an easy sleep where he dreamt of hazel eyes and blossoming flowers that floated upon sapphire waters.

 

 

 

 

 

Ice-cream had been a bad idea. The worst idea in fact. Because Tyler was smiling and laughing and letting out gasps of happiness, and his tongue would peek out between red lips and melted ice-cream would drip and Josh had never seen anything so sexual.

To make matters worse, Tyler knew. And not in a way Josh could lie about, but because he could feel it through their bond. He could feel the arousal coiling in Josh’s gut, he could feel it as if it were his own.

Though, he also had eyes, and Josh’s cheeks were darker than his hair and his eyes were locked on Tyler’s mouth and he’d swallow hard every time his tongue peeked out and he was shuffling awkwardly in his chair. Thing was, Tyler was pretty aroused too.

He let his foot inch up Josh’s leg, rubbing softly and ignoring the small whine from Josh. “What’s up baby?”

“Nothing,” Josh choked out, breath catching in his throat, Tyler just smiled and let his foot climb higher. “Fuck.”

Tyler just beamed innocently, still licking at the ice-cream in his hand.

“Ty, please,” Josh gasped, nervously glancing around them, but everyone was so enraptured in their own world they couldn’t care less about the two lovers. Soft giggles filled the air, a bright smile making Josh’s heart ache, although Tyler didn’t move his foot from Josh’s dick he did stop torturing him so much. The ice cream was gone not long later and Tyler had Josh’s hand in his in a second, pulling him out to the car and pushing him against it.

The kiss was fire and Josh melted into it, moans being swallowed by Tyler’s greedy mouth still sweet and sticky from the ice-cream. “You okay there?” Tyler asked, eyes smiling.

“You’re a damn tease.”

“You’re too sexy,” Tyler shrugged, returning to Josh’s lips as his hands roamed his body. “Shall we take this elsewhere?” Josh was past forming words, just let Tyler lead him, let Tyler take care of him and this time he did a proper job of returning the favour.

 

 

 

 

 

Ashley was repainting Tyler’s nails, the same pastel pink that Tyler had fallen in love with. “You know, I do have other colours.”

“I won’t match Josh then,” Tyler shrugged, admiring the hand that was still drying. “Where is he by the way? Don’t think I didn’t notice.”

“He’s busy right now, nothing to worry about.” But that made Tyler worry because Josh never went anywhere without telling Ty, it was an unspoken agreement between the two of them. “I don’t need a soulbond to see you’re freaking out, listen, if something goes wrong you’ll feel it.”

It worked to calm him a little, nodding as he tried to convince himself that Ashley was right. He let her talk at him about everything and anything, about the boy in the back of the chemistry class that always smiles softly at her, about the clothes shop that just opened, about her poetry that she hides away.

“I write music,” he admitted, “it’s basically poetry.”

“Have you shown Josh any?”

“A little. It’s not very good,” Tyler sighed, gaze falling to his lap. “He never says that of course, but I know it is. He’s just humouring me.”

“Why don’t you show me something?” Ashley suggested, eyes soft, Tyler scrambled to his feet to grab the ukulele Josh kept for him in his room. “I’d wondered who that belonged to,” she giggled. Tyler just smiled, it didn’t quite reach his eyes, his focus returned to the ukulele, softly strumming ‘Can’t Help Falling In Love’.

He got a little lost in the performance, as the song progressed his confidence grew. When it drew to an end he looked up nervously at Ashley, already prepared for her to tell him it was ‘okay’.

“That was amazing!” Abbie’s voice made him jump, letting out what he would claim was a manly squeal.

Ashley just nodded along, smiling, “she’s right. That was beautiful Ty.”

“Take the ukulele with you tonight, serenade Josh.”

“Tonight? Where are we going?” Ashley turned to glare at Abbie, who nervously laughed claiming it was nothing, before hurrying off. “What’s going on Ash?”

She shook her head, resting a dainty hand on Tyler’s knee, “Josh has a surprise for you, that’s all. Don’t make me ruin it, he’s so proud of this one.” Tyler’s heart soared, like a bird taking flight, he couldn’t quite believe that Josh was going to all this trouble for him. Then again, he really could, because day in and day out Josh demonstrated his undying adoration for Tyler. And Tyler did his best to show Josh the same.

“Show me some of your poetry?” Tyler asked, enjoying the smile that brightened Ashley’s face as she pulled out a leather-bound journal. “This is nice,” he trailed his fingers over the worn cover, imagining all the lives it could of lived and all the stories it could tell.

“Momma bought it two years ago for my Christmas, but I know it was Josh who picked it out,” she laughed, treating the book carefully. “It’s one of my most precious possessions.”

Tyler knew how that felt, tucked under his bed beneath some boxes was his own leather bound book. His black book of secrets. Some days it’s a diary, most days its scrawled lyrics that demonstrate the dark places his mind goes. “It’s really beautiful.”

“Maybe Josh will get you one, he cares for you a lot.” He liked that, ‘cares for you a lot’, because it wasn’t just love and it wasn’t just a soulbond. There were countless stories of abuse and mismatches between soulmates, but with Josh everything just felt _right_.

Before anything more could be said the door opened and Josh peered in with a nervous smile, “can I steal away my boyfriend?”

“Just for tonight,” Ashley laughed, nudging Tyler with her foot and shooting him a knowing smile.

“Thanks Ash,” he pulled her in for a hug before they left, grabbing his ukulele on the way out. “Where are we going Jishwa?”

“It’s a surprise baby boy,” Josh laughed, eyes focused on the road as he drove in the darkness. “What did you and Ash talk about?”

For a moment Tyler listened to the sound of the road under the tyres, of life passing them by, “we talked about poetry.”

Surprise flashed across Josh’s face, illuminated by street lights, “she showed you her journal thing?” Tyler nodded, not quite sure why this was so shocking. “It’s just, she never really shows anyone.”

“Oh.” The silence consumed them comfortably, Tyler was lost in his thoughts and Josh was focused on not getting lost, finally slowing to a stop beside a forest. “Are we here?” Tyler’s face was scrunched in confusion, looking around for where they could be heading.

“Yeah, just follow me,” Josh smiled and took his hand, “I found this place accidently a few years back. I was having a low period, I couldn’t, and I needed to get away from it all. I ended up here. I just, it’s so beautiful Ty.” It was a confession that meant so much to the both of them, because although he didn’t say it Tyler knew what Josh meant.

He came here to kill himself.

He came back to the core of it all, to the peace and serenity of nature where judgement doesn’t exist in any form. “I love you.” The words were needed to comfort the two of them, to remind them that things are getting better now.

“I love you too. Now close your eyes.” Tyler rolled his eyes before letting them flutter shut, Josh’s hands covering them as a precaution. “Be careful, there’s twigs and rocks on the floor – don’t fall.”

“Damn, I was planning on dragging us both down,” Tyler muttered sarcastically.

“You’re so impatient,” Josh chuckled, “okay, open.” He stepped back and Tyler gasped softly at the sight before him. It was something out of a sappy romance, but his heart ached anyway. “Like it?”

There was this lake, still and silent, reflecting the twinkling stars in its black waters. Josh had set up these fairy lights around a wooden gazebo, thrown blankets and pillows on the floor and had a fire-pit burning softly. “I love it.” Tyler spoke in hushed tones, scared if he spoke too loudly it would all shatter and fade away.

He let Josh lead him to their blanket gazebo, smiling in awe at everything he saw. It was incredible and he still couldn’t believe that all of _this_ is for him. “I brought marshmallows,” Josh smiled, pulling a bag out from beneath a pillow.

That’s how they ended up cuddling before the fire, roasting marshmallows and whispering to each other. Tyler fell back when the marshmallows had gone, eyes on the sky, the moon glowing silver above them. “Do you think there’s anything out there?”

“I think everything is out there,” Josh sighed, allowing his eyes to leave Tyler’s face and instead follow the blinking lights of a plane. “We aren’t alone, ever. Whether it’s a God or aliens or just us, there’s always something out there.” Tyler’s hand found his in the dark, fairy lights casting a warm glow around them accompanied by the silver moon and golden stars and Tyler was lost in the beauty of it all, of the trees dancing in the summer breeze and the lake capturing it all in a perfect picture.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” Josh was distracted by the blinking lights and the stars and how far off everything was, he didn’t notice Tyler’s gaze fall to him instead or see him shuffle around. He did notice though when soft lips landed on his neck. “Ty.”

“Josh, I love you,” Tyler whispered promises into his skin, repeating the words over and over and pressing gentle kisses at each point. “I want you Josh, please, please,” he let his lips ghost over Josh’s, eyes twinkling with a desperate want.

“Okay baby, okay.” Truth was, that had been Josh’s plan all along, drag Tyler out here and show him this place he stumbled on and eventually have their first-time beneath the stars. Their lips met and refused to part, it was slow and passionate and infused with every ounce of their love. Clothing was removed slowly, each time new skin was revealed it was adored by the other person.

They made the other person feel their love, made them feel beautiful. Tyler had never felt more adored as Josh worshiped every inch of his body with gentle kisses and reverent hands. “Josh, please,” Tyler gasped, his dick hard and leaking. They’d never talked about who would top or bottom, Josh had always assumed it was Tyler, but it seemed he was wrong. “You fuck me right now Jishwa, I swear.” He tried to look stern, but it failed miserably and he only looked desperate and in love.

“I thought you’d be doing all the fucking,” Josh shrugged, reaching over for the lube and condoms.

“I don’t exactly have any experience. Just fuck me Josh, we can experiment next time.” He liked the sound of a ‘next time’. “If you put on that condom there won’t be a next time.”

“Ty-” his protests died on his lips when Tyler pounced on him, all lips and teeth and hands clawing at skin.

“Just fuck me Josh,” he begged, breath hot against Josh’s neck before he sucked a mark below his ear.

“Okay, going,” Josh gasped, slowly beginning to stretch Tyler open, revelling in the moans the taller boy made as he writhed beneath him. “I love you,” as he added another finger he let his lips land on Tyler’s neck, sucking purple marks across tanned skin.

For a while fingers were enough, Tyler would gasp and moan and push back, “Josh, I’m ready, please, I’m ready,” he whined.

“So needy,” Josh muttered, removing his fingers much to Tyler’s disappointment, but soon enough replacing them with his dick.

He moved slowly, reluctant to hurt Tyler, instead holding him close when he was fully inside him and pressing gentle kisses against his skin. “Move Josh, move,” Tyler’s voice was wrecked, breaking and wobbling with desperation. There wasn’t a fibre in Josh that could ignore him, so he began to move, slowly thrusting into Tyler who met him every time. “Harder, fuck, harder.”

By this point Josh was teetering on the edge, and he could feel Tyler was too, he allowed himself to lose control, pounding relentlessly into Tyler as he groaned in pleasure beneath him. He came crying Tyler’s name and Tyler came only a few moments later.

They lay together in post-coital bliss, a white haze covering everything. Tyler couldn’t help but admire Josh, pale skin glistening with a thin layer of sweat under the pale light of the moon, eyes half shut but heavy with love. He was beautiful.

Josh was thinking the same thing. Tyler was still struggling to get his breath, his hand clutching Josh’s, his eyes bright with lust and love and devotion and happiness. It was a sight to behold, his tall frame accentuated in the golden light of the stars and the fairy lights around them.

“You’re beautiful and I love you.”

“I love you too, thank you for everything.” Tyler pressed a kiss to Josh’s cheek, settling himself down on his chest. Josh’s limbs were too heavy to do anything meaningful like pull on boxers, but he made himself pull a blanket over them both. He heard Tyler mutter something against his chest, felt his smile and the fluttering of his lashes, feel his heart beating beside his own.

He fell asleep to his own special lullaby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much frens for your support, it's had me writing more than usual! So I'm gifting you with the next chapter. I'm not quite sure how long this will be (it was intended to be a oneshot, but you can see how that went!) so if you have any ideas feel free to comment or hit me up on tumblr (whatisdunisdun).
> 
> Love all you guys. Stay Street, Stay Alive |-/


	4. Chapter 4

When Tyler slowly blinked his eyes open it was to the golden glow of a slowly rising sun, the dark slowly getting beaten back to the tune of singing birds and chirping crickets. His eyes fell to a sleeping Josh, who's mouth hung open and his body rose and fell with gentle breaths.

"I love you," he whispered to the sleeping figure, pulling the nearest T-shirt over his head. He didn't care that it was actually Josh's, it felt like he had Josh wrapped around him and that thought made him smile. While Josh continued to dream happily Tyler rushed to the car, rummaging through the mess in the back to grab his ukulele.

With the golden backdrop he sang Josh awake, serenading him as Ashley had suggested. Josh smiled up sleepily at him, a drowsy smile lighting up his face as tired eyes blinked up at him. "That was beautiful," Josh beamed, kissing Tyler softly, "you're beautiful." His eyes seemed to hungrily take in the scene, memorising every inch of their surroundings and every millimetre of Tyler. "What a way to wake up," he sighed, pulling on Tyler's shirt without a second thought.

"What now?"

"Breakfast then home?" Josh suggested.

"Can we watch the sunrise first?" His voice was quiet, eyes on his hands, Josh nodded and pulled Tyler into his body. The two melted into each other, revelling in the warm touch as they watched the world come alive around them.

It felt as if they were in their own little bubble, as if outside of this paradise nothing else existed. Neither one wanted to leave, but they had little choice. "Come on, we should eat," Josh's voice was delicate and feather-light, cautious not to break the euphoria they'd found here. Their hands stayed locked together as they cleared up the mess they’d made and headed out for breakfast.

 

 

 

 

 

They wandered into the Joseph household still laughing not long after lunchtime, not expecting the members of both families to turn with knowing smiles. “Isn’t that Tyler’s shirt?” Ashley asked, breaking the strange silence with a raised eyebrow and a gleam in her eye.

“Not that I don’t want to see you, but why are you here?” Josh was growing increasingly anxious and he wasn’t quite sure if it was his or Tyler’s but he was definitely feeling it.

It was Laura who laughed softly, “time to meet the in-laws.” Her and Kelly were angled towards each other, coffees cradled in their hands and easy smiles on their face. “When were you going to introduce us Joshie?” He heard Tyler’s muffled giggle, turning to shoot him a glare before turning back to his Mum.

“Well Momma, I was thinking, you know, maybe when they were actually in-laws.” Both Kelly and Laura were howling with laughter, he’s pretty sure his Mum wiped away a tear or two. Even Chris was chuckling and Bill had a large smile on his face.

“You’re soulmates honey, that’s as close as you get,” she shook her head like it was insane to even question it, irritancy reared its ugly head in his chest at their ignorance to the issues with soulbonds, but Tyler being Tyler squeezed his hand a little Tyler, pushing calm thoughts his way.

“Sure, yeah, well I guess you’ve met so that’s good.”

“Josh and I are gunna go and shower, and do some school stuff,” Tyler announced, sensing Josh’s unease growing at the whole situation.

“Sure, save water loverboys,” Ashely giggled, with Maddie smiling brightly beside her. Tyler felt like his face was burning as he tugged Josh up the stairs.

Josh pulled Tyler down with him onto the bed, pressing a gentle kiss to his hair, “did that just happen?”

“I think it did.” There was a moment of silence between them, loud laughter and dulled chatter drifting up the stairs. “I wish we could turn back time.”

“You and me both Ty, what the actual hell.”

“I don’t know, but I think your sister was on the right track,” his eyes twinkled as he pulled Josh into the bathroom, slowly shedding clothing as the water warmed up. “So really, it wasn’t all bad,” he whispered low in Josh’s ear.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Things just seemed to get easier and easier for the two boys. Their time together only strengthened the bond they shared and their understanding of each other, not many people knew how unusual their bond was only their families, Jenna, Dallon and Brendon if he ever listened long enough to find out. Their families got along like a house on fire, Kelly and Laura met at least twice a week for coffee.

But just because their lives were looking up doesn’t mean everyone else’s was.

Tyler was humming a tune he’d come up with the night before, a smile on his face, as he wandered to Dallon’s house. They were going to the cinema, another attempt at distracting Dallon from the mess that is his relationship with Brendon. Things seemed to be going from bad to worse for them, and Tyler can’t help but feel a little responsible for it all. After all, if he had been at school then Dallon wouldn’t have skipped all the parties and wouldn’t be visiting him at the house all the time, and maybe he would have been able to give Brendon more of the attention he craved and maybe Brendon wouldn’t have let his imagination run wild with thoughts of cheating. But Josh had told him to stop thinking like that, that it was another vicious cycle that would lead to a spiral of depression and they’d been so much better, so he shooed the thoughts away, locking them in the deep dark corners of his mind.

When he opened the door he knew immediately something was wrong. There was an ominous silence that hung heavy in the air, the staleness choking him as he rushed to Dallon’s room where it was suddenly all too loud. Heaved sobs as Dallon tried, and mostly failed, to breathe through the force of his pain, whimpering as if there was something physically wrong but Tyler could see nothing.

“Dall?”

His head shot up, fear and pain and heartbreak written across his face, “he left. He’s gone. He left and it hu-hurts.” Tyler rushed to his side, wrapping him in a hug in an attempt to calm him. There was nothing he could say, not a single word, that could make this any better.

Josh felt the concern like it was his own, mixed with a dose of fear that was clawing up his throat, he fought it back and walked a little quicker to Dallon’s house because he knew something wasn’t right. “He’ll realise how wrong he was, he will Dall.”

“His whole family are gone, he isn’t coming back. He never is. It hurts so bad. It’s like someone’s ripping my heart into tiny pieces. There’s a tear in my heart and I’m bleeding out, he was the butcher and he carved me up with a fucking smile,” Dallon spluttered, merely the shell of the man they all loved. “What will I do?”

His voice was empty and broken, wavering, Josh felt tears in his eyes at the sight. He knew that Tyler knew he was there, something about the way his body relaxed and the fear slowly seeped out of him. “You’re going to be okay Dall, you’re going to be strong and successful and it’ll be hard at first. But you will be okay,” Josh assured him.

“We’re soulmates, how could he do this to me?” It was clear there was more to this than Dallon was telling, but there was also nothing they could say. They were both happy, insanely happy, and recovering from a time that felt as dark as Dallon’s did, they couldn’t just throw themselves back into that mindset. Call them selfish, but they’d fought through it already, Tyler was too scared to think back to that time, to scared it would lead to yet another relapse worse than all the others.

“It’s going to be okay,” Josh whispered that empty line, the one that for so long felt like a lie to himself, like the worst form of denial, hoping that Dallon would fall for it. His body sagged and his crying didn’t stop. Dallon had always been too smart for his own good.

 

 

 

 

 

“He’ll come back right?” Tyler asked in the darkness.

Josh knew who he was talking about, knew straight away, he also knew what his honest answer would be. Which is why he shoved that to the side to comfort his boyfriend. “Brendon’s an idiot, sometimes it takes him a while to figure things out. When he does, I’m sure he’ll come running back.”

There was an empty laugh beside him, sad eyes turning to look at him in the shadowy darkness, “nice try J. He’s not is he?”

“Probably not,” Josh sighed, refusing to look at Tyler’s face. “Sometimes soulbonds just don’t work out Ty, for whatever reason, maybe right now just isn’t the right time. Maybe Brendon is just too much of a dick for it to ever work out, maybe this is a blessing in disguise – we both know that Brendon was a selfish and manipulative boyfriend, he was possessive and jealous and lets not lie and say he was completely faithful. It hurts like hell now, but it’ll work out.”

“God has a plan.” But the words sounded empty, more sarcastic than Josh had expected.

He tried to make out Tyler’s features in the darkness, but couldn’t distinguish anything, “Ty?” The fear crept into his voice, that one syllable filled with all the emotions rushing through him, because one of their first conversations had been about faith. One of Tyler’s first problems had been with faith, and if this was the start of another drop then Josh wanted to be ready, he wanted to stop it before it got that far.

“I’m good J, just, it’s not like that.” A soft kiss was pressed to his cheek, a hand wrapping round his own as Tyler snuggled into his chest. “We should sleep, I promise I’m okay. Don’t worry about me.”

“You don’t need to believe in a God to believe in some form of fate Ty, you can still believe in soulmates and true love, but no one will make you believe in God. It wouldn’t matter to me, I can promise you that.” Tyler hummed sleepily in appreciation, lips pressing a sloppy kiss to Josh’s chest as he slowly drifted to sleep. Josh stayed awake a while later, eyes lingering on the outline of his boyfriend, of the rise and fall of his chest and the way his warm breath fanned across his chest.

He fell asleep with a smile on his face.

 

 

 

 

 

He woke with one too.

They both did.

Josh grinned sleepily, eyes crinkling at the corners in that way that melts Tyler’s insides, Tyler himself was giggling softly. “That was cute,” Tyler laughed again, nuzzling into Josh.

“I wasn’t sure it would work,” Josh smiled, face slowly relaxing. “But I’m glad it did.”

There was a short sweet kiss before Tyler jumped out of bed, “I am too.” He sauntered to the bathroom, hips waving sensuously, long limbs moving with an effortless grace, Josh’s eyes followed him without diversion.

He stayed where he was though, slowly willing himself awake as sounds of Tyler singing softly came muffled through the wall. It took him less than a minute to decide Tyler definitely needed company in there.

“Took you long enough lover boy,” Tyler smiled against his lips when Josh had wrapped himself around him under the warm spray.

“Shut up, I was listening to you sing,” Josh laughed, hands trailing over Tyler’s skin gently. He smiled at the blush on Tyler’s cheeks, the way his gaze drifted down in embarrassment. “Baby, you’re so good. You really are.”

Tyler crashed his lips against Josh’s, stopping the flow of compliments he knew were coming his way, “just fuck me already Josh.” His request was whispered lowly into Josh’s ear, teeth grazing the sensitive skin before sucking a deep bruise. “Please.”

As soon as that word has slipped through his lips Josh was kissing with a renewed passion, pushing Tyler against the cool tiles eliciting a small gasp from the taller boy. The kiss was hot and heavy, both boys desperate to get as much contact as possible, the water rushing over them was forgotten as they lost themselves in the feel of the other. “Ty,” Josh groaned, hand dropping between them to stroke Ty’s hard dick.

“Please, love you,” Tyler muttered against Josh’s skin, his own hand snaking down to grab Josh’s leaking member. It wasn’t the best situation, but both of them were close and beyond thinking rationally, their lips continued to meet in kisses which were more clacking teeth and bitten lips than an actual kiss, but neither cared. “So close,” Tyler groaned into Josh’s neck, hips bucking into Josh’s hand.

Josh focused a little harder, thinking of all the things he loved, he let his mouth drop to Tyler’s neck, sucking a mark that had Tyler gasping for breath. “Now they’ll know you’re mine baby, all mine,” his voice was wrecked and low, sending shivers of arousal down Tyler’s spine, as Josh pressed a more tender kiss to the same spot Tyler lost it, coming with a cry as he fell limp in Josh’s arms.

It didn’t take long for Josh to finish, not with the hazy-eyed Tyler smiling at him in his post-sex daze, his body practically glowing under the cool spray. “At least it’s easy to clean up,” Tyler laughed musically, fingers lingering on Josh, “let me clean you?” His eyes were soft and kind, this wasn’t sexual, this was something more.

It was love in the purest of forms. It was domesticity. It was everything either one had ever wanted.

“Sure,” Josh smiled, sighing as Tyler’s nimble fingers massaged his skin. His shoulders were tense from a particularly passionate drum session the other night.

“You’re so tense Joshie, what’ve you been up to?” Tyler pressed small kisses to his back as his fingers continued to knead the muscle.

Josh shrugged, head falling forward a little as a small groan escaped his lips as Tyler found a particularly tense knot. “Drums.”

“Drums?” Tyler seemed surprised and it suddenly occurred to Josh that it had never really come up in conversation.

It shocked him for a moment, because he thought he knew everything about Tyler, or everything important anyway. Though, there was good reason for his desire to truly understand. They’d been caught in the after-math of Tyler’s suicide attempt and other things seemed trivial. “Yeah, I wanna be in a band or something. I don’t know, it sounds dumb, but drumming is the only thing I’m good at. I love it so much, I can’t imagine doing anything else.”

“It’s not the only thing you’re good at,” his voice was authoritive, leaving Josh no room to argue, “and it isn’t dumb. I can imagine you in a band. You’d be the hottest one there for sure, you’d change your hair every month. You’d be the fan favourite.”

“Shut up and get back to massaging,” Josh laughed.

“So bossy,” Tyler pouted, but returned to Josh’s shoulders. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”                                                

 

 

 

 

 

The main reason that Tyler hadn’t noticed Josh played drums was that he didn’t own his own kit, when he practiced it was either down at the music store he worked at or using one a friend has. He had woken early, carefully moving out of Tyler’s grip to sneak off to the kit his friend was letting him use for the weekend.

“Stay,” Tyler yawned sleepily, trying to pull Josh back again.

“Going to play hunny, go back to sleep baby,” Josh whispered, smiling down at Tyler’s tired face as he blinked up at him.

“Can I come and watch?” Josh wanted to say no, he really did, because he doesn’t really practice in front of anyone, and Tyler was more than just anyone. But Tyler looked so hopeful and Josh’s resolve crumbled under his gaze.

“Come on then princess.”

Tyler was on his feet in a second, pulling on clothes with an excited smile. Somehow Josh couldn’t find it in himself to regret it.

 

 

 

 

 

It was once they got to the little practice room that Tyler really begun to question whether it was the right thing to do. Josh looked so tense, eyes nervously falling to Tyler at regular intervals as he set up the kit. And Tyler realised that he hadn’t let Josh hear him sing, but Josh never even questioned this, didn’t raise a single issue.

“It’s not going to be too fun for you, if you wanna disappear at any point you can,” Josh assured him, it wasn’t the first time.

“Do you want me to leave? I can, I don’t mind.”

Josh shook his head so fast he almost gave himself an injury, “stay.” The nerves didn’t leave, not for a few moments longer, he took his place behind the drums still tense and shaking slightly.

As soon as he started playing that changed. Tyler watched that drain out of him, watched him get engrossed in playing the beat, he hit the drums with a ferocity Tyler hadn’t seen before. He was the most captivating drummer Tyler had ever seen, in fact, he’d happily watch him play forever.

After what felt like minutes, but was actually approaching an hour, Josh pulled his shirt off, throwing the uneeded material into the corner. If Tyler’s eyes hadn’t been glued to Josh before, they definitely were now, he watched the way his muscle moved beneath his skin, the way the sweat slowly trickled down pale defined body. “Like what you see?” Josh teased, a little out of breath, playing a slower simplistic beat.

“Yeah,” Tyler has to remind himself to breath, licking his lips that suddenly felt way too dry. “Are you done?”

“Why?”

“Because I really want to kiss you.” The hurt that had begun to appear on Josh’s face vanished, a wide smile making its home there instead. Though he didn’t respond, Tyler had already made his way over there and had his lips on Josh’s in a second. “You’re amazing.”

Josh shook his head slightly, disbelieving of the compliments, instead trying to distract Tyler with a kiss. But Tyler only pulled back, dodging Josh’s attempts to kiss him again. “I mean it Joshie, you are the best drummer I’ve ever seen, and I mean that.”

“And you’re the best singer in the world Ty, you’re so special.”

“If you believe you’re the best drummer, then I will believe that,” Tyler answered warily, watching Josh’s smile falter for a second before nodding. “Tonight, tonight I’ll sing you something new. Something in the real world.”

They’d discovered that their little dream world wasn’t always representative of reality, that things can change, and Tyler was terrified his voice would be one of them. Josh didn’t even entertain the idea – he knew Tyler was brilliant. “Thank you.”

They continued to leisurely make out until Josh’s phone rang loudly beside them, it was his Mum asking if he was moving in with Tyler or if he was ever coming home, it was with sad smiles they parted ways.

 

 

 

 

 

As fate would have it, Tyler couldn’t sing to Josh that night. Both their families staged something of an intervention, forcing them to spend the night apart. Their dream was fairly uneventful, it was a beautiful green forest just before the sun set, they lay beside each other and talked in hushed voices with smiles on their faces.

They woke the same way.

It had become a bit of a habit by now, a long way from the nights Tyler would wake screaming.

 

 

 

 

 

“You promised,” Josh whined, frowning at Tyler who was trying to hide his face.

“It’s, I don’t like it.”

“I’ve heard you sing before, and you’re brilliant, so I don’t know what you think will happen. I’ve heard the stuff you’ve written. Please Ty, one song.” Josh was pressing soft kisses to his skin, a small smile on his face, “please.”

When Tyler started giggling softly Josh knew he had cracked him, there was a soft kiss shared between them, although it was more the two pressing their smiles together. “Fine, you’re so needy,” Tyler sighed, reluctantly leaving Josh’s side to set up the keyboard. “One song?”

“Two, three, four, forever,” Josh laughed, a cheeky smile on his face.

“Shut up,” Tyler muttered, but it had been the confidence boost he had needed. “Don’t laugh.” Josh nodded seriously, face softening as he watched Tyler slowly grow more confident. His voice shook with the raw emotion, eyes filled with unshed tears but when he looked up at Josh a smile appeared on his face. It was like the light at the end of the tunnel, it broke through all the darkness and suddenly everything seemed alright.

When it came to an end there was a moment of silence which had Tyler shifting uncomfortably, but Josh was still reeling. “I’m speechless,” he stammered eventually, unable to take his eyes off Tyler. “It’s even better in real life,” he laughed, the very sound as delicate as the words that fell from his lips. “Play me another?”

Tyler’s smile grew wider, eyes brightening as his cheeks grew a shade darker. “Really?” And the total surprise in his voice broke Josh’s heart, he just nodded firmly because words were struggling to get out how he wanted them. “This one’s for you.”

When you love someone, you reach a point where you honestly couldn’t love them any more than you already do, that you’re physically incapable of feeling any stronger about a person.

Josh had thought that about Tyler. But he was wrong, the whole thing is wrong. Because you’ll learn to love them with your whole body, with everything you have and more, there will be a moment when there is no separation between the two and you’re just one.

Josh fell impossibly more in love with Tyler as he sang him pretty sounds about what’s in his hair and staying alive. He fell impossibly more in love as Tyler glanced up through long, dark lashes with a small smile on face. He fell impossibly more in love as Tyler gave everything he had to the performance in his bedroom with his crowd of one.

Josh seemed to fall impossibly more in love with Tyler every day.

“You’re so brilliant, I mean it Ty, truly brilliant.”

Tyler fell beside Josh, melting into Josh’s warmth “shut up.”

 

 

 

 

 

After Tyler’s performance there really was nothing to hide between them, Tyler would wander around humming and singing, writing lyrics all over Josh’s stuff, recording snippets of songs at 2AM when inspiration hit. And Josh would drum beats on whatever surface he could find, rave about this sick thing some random drummer could do.

It was 1AM, the red numbers flashing angrily, Tyler was hunched over the desk with the light on cursing because he dropped something on his foot. With the dull yellow light illuminating half the room Josh suddenly had an idea, and it was without a doubt the best one he’d ever had.

“Ty. Ty. Shit, Ty,” Josh shot up, scrambling out of the bed and over to Tyler’s tired looking figure.

“What?” There was concern in his eyes, “was it a nightmare?”

Confusion crossed Josh’s face before the excitement took over again, “what? No. Something better, I’ve had an idea.”

Tyler no longer looked close to terrified, in fact, he now looked pleasantly amused. “What is it babe?”

“We should start a band!” Josh exclaimed, practically bouncing up and down. He reminded Tyler of a puppy, excitable and adorable and just to cute for it’s own good.

“A band?”

“Yeah, you’d be the singer and pianist and ukuleleist-“

“That’s not a word,” Tler laughed.

“Shut up, and I’d be the drummer. We’d be so sick!” Josh continued as if he’d never been interupted, only pausing briefly to glare at Tyler.

“Sick as frick,” Tyler was still giggling when he pulled Josh into bed, turned off the lights and hummed him to sleep.

“So sick,” Josh yawned, already half asleep. Tyler couldn’t help but smile, it didn’t sound half bad you know, starting a band.

 

 

 

 

 

It was Josh’s birthday and Tyler wanted it to be the best one yet. Josh was still sleeping soundly, mouth hung open and face a picture of serenity. He snuck out of the room, careful not to be too loud. The excitement was bubbling through his veins, making thoughts of more sleep impossible.

“Morning,” Ashley smiled happily, already sat with a mountain of presents around her. “We all sit around ‘till he wakes up. You know what he’s like, half the day is gone by then.”

“Would you help me set up my present for him?”

Ashley was on her feet before Tyler had finished the sentence, “of course I can. He’s going to love it.” The two headed into the garage, talking in hushed excited tones.

 

 

 

 

 

“Breakfast in bed? Now you’re spoiling me!” Josh was beaming up at Tyler, still wrapped up in blankets.

“It’s your special day.”

Josh just shrugged, eyes lingering on Tyler, “there have been better ones.” A pink blush spread across Tyler’s cheeks as he moved to sit beside Josh.

“Just eat dog breath.”

“You got it baby boy.” They ate in a comfortable silence, elbows knocking occasionally with small smiles shared between them. “What now?” Josh raised an eyebrow, eyes falling to Tyler’s lips.

“A kiss? Then presents,” Tyler suggested, Josh’s lips against his answered his question. Though it was a little more than a kiss, with Josh’s tongue finding it’s way into Tyler’s mouth as he moved to straddle the taller boy. “Presents,” Tyler reminded him, a little breathless. His cheeks were flushed, eyes dark, lips red and swollen.

There was a groan from Josh as he rolled off him, still pouting when they got downstairs. Tyler wasn’t much happier, he quite liked the way it was going. “Morning,” Josh smiled, greeting everyone with a cheery smile and a hug.

“Open mine first!” Ashley squealed, already placing the small package into his hands. It was such a warm moment, the sun lighting the room, Josh’s eyes bright and his smile even brighter. Everyone was smiling, everyone was happy.

Tyler felt it in his bones. The happiness. The belonging. The love.

He watched as Josh tore away at the paper, beaming up at Ashely when it was an X-files jacket, he watched as Josh put it on straight away and turned to Tyler excitedly, “isn’t it cool?”

“The coolest,” Tyler laughed, a fond smile stuck to his face. Soon enough Josh was surrounded by ripped up wrapping paper, with a pile of ‘sick as frick’ gifts beside him. “My turn,” Tyler was smiling nervously, refusing to look at Josh.

Josh jumped to his feet, “you didn’t have to get me anything you know.” Tyler didn’t even bother responding, just rolled his eyes and took Josh’s hand. “If my present is sex, I’m not sure it counts.”

They couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled up, it eased Tyler’s nerves again. Deep down he knew Josh would love it, it was nearly impossible for him not to. But that anxiety always seemed to seep into the cracks in his mind. “Close your eyes.”

There was a mumbled response about being a cliché, but Josh did it anyway and let Tyler lead him into the garage.

“You can look,” Tyler’s voice was soft, barely there like a soft breeze. When Josh opened his eyes he couldn’t find the words to speak. Sat in a space that did _not_ exist the day before was a shining new rum kit, new and untouched, perfect.

His mouth opened and closed but no words escaped, only strange choking noises. ‘I love you, fuck, so much’ he screamed through the bond, pouncing on Tyler with a passionate ferocity. The kiss was hungry, fuelled by something Josh couldn’t explain. He threw every part of himself into the kiss and Tyler returned the kiss just as passionately.

‘You not going to have a look’ Tyler’s laughing voice filled his mind, making him smile as he pulled back.

“This must have been expensive,” Josh muttered, taking a moment to admire his new kit. His own kit.

Tyler merely shrugged, “you’re gunna need it.” He took pleasure in Josh’s furrowed brows, the confusion clear. “Dude, I’m not having aa drummer without any drums. Our band would suck ass.” He knew it would be worth it. Josh’s face lit up, Tyler questioned how so much emotion could be shown on one face, how so much happiness could be expressed. He didn’t really care though. It was Josh, it was adorable, and it was something he never grew tired of seeing.

“Our band,” Josh whispered, smiling at the very thought. If he closed his eyes he could see them in front of stadiums, thousands of people singing their songs back to them.

“Our band,” Tyler agreed, pressing a feather kiss to Josh’s cheek. One thing was for sure, it was the start of something magical.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with this, I know it's been a while - sorry about that. I was wondering if you guys would be interested in a Brallon spin-off, I have some ideas for it but it would take too much time to deal with within this story. 
> 
> Let me know what you think, I love hearing from you (also, constructive criticism welcomed.)
> 
> Anyway, much love to all of you. Stay Alive Frens


	5. Chapter 5

Tyler was laughing as he absentmindedly strummed his ukulele, his eyes were the brightest they’d ever been as his gaze lingered on Josh. “It’s not funny Ty,” Josh frowned.

This only made Tyler laugh more, “it’s hilarious,” he gasped out. Josh pouted adorably, turning a little away from Tyler. “Oh come on Joshie, don’t be mad at me, it’s funny.”

“It isn’t funny.”

“Josh, it’s a little funny,” Tyler sighed, placing his ukulele down and heading over to Josh, who was still shaking his head. “It is a little,” he whispered, before pressing gentle, fluttering kisses across his skin. Beneath his lips he felt Josh’s racing heartbeat, stuttering at the touch of his loved one’s lips. Tyler risked a look up at Josh’s face, his eyes had fallen shut when his head titled back to give Ty better access, but he could see he was trying to hold on to his irritance. “I love you.”

Those three words washed away all the anger in Josh’s body, “I love you too,” he gave a defeated smile before crashing their lips together. “What about some make-up sex?”

“We weren’t even fighting,” Tyler argued.

Josh made a noise a little like a growl in the back of his throat, “shut up,” and then his lips were on Tyler’s and his warm hands were slipping beneath fabric and caressing angular lines and everything else seemed unimportant.

 

 

 

 

 

“We need a name for our band,” Josh blurted, face turning red when Tyler turned with one raised eyebrow. Tyler was currently bent over his lyric book scribbling away, the sun had just set and the room was dark and everywhere was getting colder, apparently it made for good lyrics. Josh was sprawled across Tyler’s bed, lying on his stomach with his head resting on his hand as he watched Tyler curiously, he loved hearing him mutter the words under his breath, hum unknown tunes, nibble at the end of the pen as he wracked his brain for more ideas.

It had become a habit of theirs, more so of Josh’s, because Tyler had always done this (though usually in the dead of the night when Blurry kept him awake with dangerous thoughts). Tyler made a non-committal humming noise, barely glancing up.

“Ty!” Josh whined.

“What?” He sighed, spinning round to face Josh, sounding both irritated and disinterested.

“We need a name for our band,” Josh repeated, albeit a little quieter as his voice shook a little.

A hand ran across Tyler’s face, rubbing at his forehead and the migraine forming there, “I’m sorry, Josh, sorry, I didn’t mean to snap.”

Josh shook his head, dismissing his apologies instantly, “it’s fine. Your busy, we can talk about this later. I didn’t even mean to say it.”

“No, I want to talk about it, just let me finish up this line and then I’ll be right there with you.” Though Tyler took longer than he intended because he kept thinking about how awful a boyfriend he was. “I’m sorry,” he whispered when he clambered into bed beside Josh.

He didn’t get a response, only the rhythmic sound of Josh’s slow breathing. He sighed and moved closer to his own personal radiator, hoping that tonight he’d see him in his dreams.

 

 

 

 

 

Tyler regretted that wish though. He never thought he’d say it, but he really, truly did.

Because Josh was crying. Josh was crying _hysterically_ and it hurt just to watch as the man he loved, the man he adored was in so much pain.

Not only that, but he was pretty sure he was the cause of it all.

“Josh?” He asked carefully, voice falling through the air like the daintiest white feather. It wasn’t soft enough though, because Josh choked on his tears and hid his face in his hands. “Josh, baby, please don’t cry.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, you deserve better, I’m sorry,” he kept repeating those words, rocking on the floor and still crying. Tyler was in agony, there were sharp shards of glass wedged in his heart and with each agonising beat the pain grew stronger.

“Please don’t cry, you don’t have to be sorry,” he rushed to Josh’s side and kissed his cheek, pulling him into a hug, “you are so perfect Joshie. I’m the one who’s sorry.”

Josh continued to shake in Tyler’s arms, arms wrapped tight around him, in his mind Tyler was all that was keeping him together. “I’m sorry,” Josh whimpered.

“No, you shouldn’t be sorry, baby I’m sorry I shouldn’t have snapped. That was mean of me.” Gentle kisses were pressed to his skin in an effort to reassure him. “I love you.”

“I’m a mess. I’m sorry, I love you,” Josh cried.

“Tell me why, I don’t understand Joshie, I just want to understand,” a few stray tears made their way down tanned cheeks, “explain it to me.”

There was a small, soft kiss, the gentle meeting of their lips, before Josh pulled back a little calmer. “I. I. I’m so scared you won’t want me anymore,” he stammered, “I’m scared I’ll start annoying you, that you’ll hate me. I’m scared I’ll mess up. That, like Brendon, you’ll leave because I’m not enough to keep you anymore. I’m scared I’ll fall apart like Dallon has. I’m scared that you’ll relapse, that I can’t help or be the reason. I’m so scared.”

The words wouldn’t stop coming, they’d broken through the damn and crashed into Tyler full force. His eyes were shimmering with tears, as he kissed Josh with all the love he could muster. “Oh baby, you don’t have to worry about that. I love you so much, so, so much.” Josh had mentioned his anxiety in the past, in passing, about how crippling it _had_ been.

Tyler had been naïve to think that was the end of it. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay baby, it’s okay. I’ll never grow tired of you, I’ll never leave you unless that’s what you wanted.” These words had Josh flinching in fear, scrambling to hold Tyler closer. “I’m not leaving.”

“I love you Ty, I really do.”

“I know baby, I love you too.” He continued to reassure Josh until the tears had all dried, everything seemed a little brighter now, though that feeling of claustrophobia hung over them, hanging heavy in the air around them. “What are we gunna be called then?”

He could feel Josh smile against his skin. “What do you think?”

“Nu-uh Joshie, I asked you,” Tyler laughed, pressing a kiss to Josh’s head.

“Two Happy Boys.”

Tyler laughed even harder, “that sounds like a movie.”

“How about Our Band Is So Much Better Than Yours?” Josh’s smile burned brighter than the sun and Tyler was crying with laughter. “I don’t know, you should come up with something, you always have the best ideas.”

“But you always make the best decisions, you can look at things objectively for the long term,” Tyler frowned, an idea blossoming in his head. “You make the decision that is best for everyone, not the one that will pay off immediately.”

“And?”

“Twenty one pilots died,” Tyler muttered, “they died because he didn’t make the right decision. He was selfish. But we can make the right decision, right?” Josh nodded, because he felt like that was probably the right response. “Don’t you remember Josh? That play by Arthur Miller, All My Sons?”

It sounded familiar, he vaguely recalled studying it a couple of years ago. “I remember, but, what has that got to do with anything?”

“That’s gunna be our name,” Tyler beamed.

Josh’s face was carefully neutral, he didn’t want to upset Tyler, “All My Sons?”

“No dummy, Twenty One Pilots.”

“That sounds perfect.” It just felt right, a little like being with Tyler, suddenly the world felt a little more homely, a little more perfect. “Twenty one pilots,” he whispered, loving the way it sounded, he couldn’t help but giggle a little before turning to crash his lips against Tyler’s.

 

 

 

 

Josh was drumming hard, eyes focused on the drums with sweat dripping down his body. He’d been at it for hours, pausing only to take a quick sip of his drink, and Tyler was officially concerned. It’s not uncommon for Josh to play for so long, but it had become clear that he played harder when he was anxious or upset.

“J?”

“Busy.”

“J, you need to stop,” Tyler spoke softly, moving towards Josh who didn’t even start to slow. “J, please.”

He shook his head, still giving his all to the drums, entire body being thrown into the beat. “I’m busy Ty.” He sounded almost angry and it hurt Ty a little, but he could sense when something wasn’t right.

Their bond was always getting stronger, evolving with their relationship, the skills sharpening. He opened it up, trying to feel Josh, sensing the pain and anger and upset, he tried to calm him down but it didn’t seem to help much. “Josh, baby, please, stop for a minute.” He placed a hand on Josh’s shoulder, but Josh just shrugged it off angrily.

“Stop Tyler. Stop, I’m busy.”

“Josh, just let me talk to you. Just for a minute, you gotta stop.”

“Just stop!” He screamed. “I’m trying to get better, I want to be the best for you,” his voice was angry, but the anger was just covering up the anxiety and sadness. “I want to be as good as I can be.” His voice was a whole lot quieter when he said this, almost as if he never meant to say it at all. But he knew that Tyler would figure it out eventually.

Not for the first time Tyler’s heart broke, “you are already the best, you are the best I could ever ask for.” He pressed a kiss to Josh’s wet forehead, running a hand through sticky hair.

There was a shaky breath from Josh, “I hate feeling this way.”

“We’ll work it out. You’re going to be okay,” Tyler insisted, pulling him into a hug. “It’s going to be okay.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

Tyler shook his head, smiling softly, “you don’t need to be sorry.” He continued running fingers through tangled hair, the brown was growing back. Fading blue locks were stuck together with sweat, gentle tanned fingers pulled at the hair, rubbing calming circles into his scalp. “You’re so gross.” He laughed, lips falling onto Josh’s neck.

Thankfully Josh also giggled softly, “I wanna dye my hair again.”

“I think you should let it grow out, I like the brown,” Tyler murmured into Josh’s skin, lips trailing fluttering kisses up and down the pale exposed skin.

“You do?” Josh’s voice wavered as Tyler dragged his teeth across sensitive skin.

He hummed into the skin, lips pulled up into a smile, “it looks cute.”

“Maybe for a little while,” Josh sighed, turning to press his lips against Tyler’s. They kissed passionately, moving in sync as they both fought to touch as much of each other as possible.

Tyler suddenly pulled back, only far enough for his breath to fan against Josh’s flushed face, “move in with me?”

“What?” He was completely confused, eyebrows furrowed. “We already live together practically,” he laughed.

“No, just me and you. Let’s get a flat. We’ll practice whenever we want, we can kiss whenever we want, we can have sex anywhere, anytime. Come on Josh, just say yes.”

They were both smiling, eyes full of love and lust and adoration, “I wouldn’t dream of saying no.”

“Good, now we can have celebratory sex.”

Josh’s laugh was full and happy, eyes practically glowing, “here?” Tyler’s smile grew wider, nodding as he kissed Josh with more passion.

“Yep, right here, right now.”

“You’re an idiot. An insatiable idiot.”

Tyler grinned like the cat who got the cream, “you love it.”

“You got that right,” anymore conversation was cut off, lips crashing together and refusing to part. The two moved in sync, practised bodies responding with ease to the movements of the other.

“And I love you too,” Tyler panted as he wiggled out of his jeans whilst simultaneously attempting to undo Josh’s.

“Slow down for a minute doofus,” Josh laughed, trying to grab at Tyler’s hands, but he only swatted them away and continued at his fast pace.

“Shut up and let me fuck you,” Tyler snapped, growing even more impatient. Josh rolled his eyes at his boyfriend’s behaviour, laughing briefly before meeting his lips passionately once more.

 

 

 

 

 

“I like this one,” Tyler whispered into Josh’s ear with a smile. Josh hummed in agreement, eyes glowing fondly. “Joshie, I really like this one,” he whined as Josh pulled away and continued examining the room.

He laughed at his boyfriend who was pouting when he risked a glance over his shoulder, “you’ve said that about every single one we’ve seen Ty.”

“But I mean it this time.” Josh shook his head, muttering something like ‘you’ve said that every time too’, but ultimately ignoring his soulmate who was practically bouncing off the walls. “Why are you ignoring me?”

“I’m trying to look around.” The estate agent was smiling fondly at them, her lips tugged up into a genuine smile as she watched the two interact like lovesick puppies. It was sickening really. “Seriously Ty, I like this one. I really, really like this one.”

It had a beautiful view. That’s what Josh loved, he loved the forest that grew only 5 minutes away, that stood proudly outside their bedroom window. Loved seeing the river that ran through the forest. Loved the dull sound of traffic roaring by. Loved the muffled giggling from the playground not too far away. “There’s a Taco Bell about 10 minutes from here,” Tyler added as if he were listening in to Josh’s thoughts. It hardly seemed unlikely.

“You’re kidding?” Tyler shook his head with a smile, wrapping his arms round Josh and resting his head on his shoulder. “I like this one Ty,” Josh whispered with a sigh, still gazing out the window.

“We could get it.”

Josh wanted to say yes, Lord knew that, but they hadn’t told their parents yet and this was a good hour from their part of the neighbourhood. “Nobody knows yet.”

The argument was begging to be ripped apart and they both knew it, “then we’ll tell them. They won’t exactly be surprised will they? It was bound to happen eventually.”

“We aren’t finished with college,” Josh sighed, reluctantly trying to convince both of them it was a bad idea. It was a hard battle because they both knew it felt so right.

Tyler seriously just laughed at him, shaking his head, “come on, you and I both know our hearts are in music. We’ll focus on that. We can drop out, get a job and play shows. We’ll be touring the world before you know it.” The laughter bubbled out of Josh without his consent, he’d been beaten and they both knew it. That life was easy to picture and his fingers were brushing against it. “Please?”

He shrugged out of Tyler’s grasp, marching over to the estate agent who quickly wiped her face clean of any lingering amusement and tried to look like she hadn’t been eavesdropping, “we’ll take it,” he beamed brightly. Tyler squealed, jumping up in excitement, kissing any part of Josh he could reach and embracing the estate agent like she was some sort of angel. She took it in her stride, smiling at the two and trying to get the papers from her bag when Tyler eventually loosened his grip.

“Oh man, I love you! This is gonna be so sick.”

“Sick as frick,” Josh giggled, lips finding Tyler’s with a smile.

 

 

 

 

Their parents looked furious. Like, about to explode with anger, you could hear a pin drop in the dead silence that followed Tyler’s blurted announcement. “You’ve done what?” Kelly asked, voice strained.

“Bought an apartment together,” Tyler answered nervously, fingers reaching to grasp at Josh. “And dropped out of college.” He hadn’t meant to say it now, not when the two families were having dinner together, when everyone was happy and laughing. They _had_ planned it all out, but the words had come spilling out without his consent.

“Me too Momma, you know how much we love each other, this is what we had to do.” Josh somehow sounded a lot more comfortable with this whole thing, his voice having a calming effect on everyone. Thankfully showing no signs of anger, in fact, Tyler felt only adoration from his lover.

“We know Joshie, but, you should have spoken to us first. Both of you.” Laura fixed them both with her best stern parent look, but it was beginning to crack at the edges. Josh always had that sort of effect on people.

Tyler really did look genuinely sorry, which is why both sets of parents crumbled. They looked happy, no one could deny it, and when they looked at each other it was as if nothing else mattered. “And you have everything you need?” Chris asked with a sigh, Tyler lit up the room with his smile, almost crushing Josh’s hand he squeezed so tight.

“We got it all planned, wait till you see the apartment Mum, it’s so beautiful.” Tyler rambled on in detail about every aspect of their new home and new life, with Josh occasionally clarifying something or adding his own opinion. More than anything, he enjoyed watching Tyler’s face as he talked, how his mouth formed words and how his hands provided actions, how every emotion he felt was scrawled across his face in that half-veiled, carefree way that only Tyler could pull off.

There was no denying his love for the tanned boy with long limbs that flailed aimlessly as he talked. Yeah, Josh fell deeper every day. But so did Tyler.

It was a beautifully mutual love. Both of them thought the other was the purest being, both thought the other deserved better, both were willing to give everything to see the other happy. They wanted the same things from life, had the same philosophies.

They weren’t identical, that would make for a strange relationship. But they were perfect for each other. _That_ was undeniable.

 

 

 

 

 

A strange feeling settled in Josh’s stomach as he stood outside his childhood home with suitcases in hand. His room had been left pretty much bare, with only his bed and some basic furniture being left behind. His family had gathered to say their goodbyes, eyes shimmering with tears that they refused to let fall as they smiled and wished him luck.

“You look after him Ty,” Laura ordered, eyes hardening for a second, “and you look after him Josh.” It went without saying really, they all knew it. The two would be happier like this. Together.

“I’ll call you Momma,” Josh promised, pressing a kiss to her cheek as she pulled him into a tight hug. He could feel Tyler’s excitement coursing through his own veins, when he glanced back at the boy he saw him rocking on his feet with the biggest smile on his face.

He had to take a moment to look at him. To just watch. The sun was bright behind him, making the air warm around them, Tyler had a loose vest on that hung beautifully from his body.

The thing that stood out the most though was his happiness. Josh let memories of their first meeting flit through his mind, of how broken Tyler looked, how sad he always was. That Tyler was just a shell, but standing in front of him patiently waiting for their new life was _his_ Tyler. It was the Tyler who would sing as he wandered round the house, the Tyler who would torture Josh until he was begging to be kissed or to be touched, he was the Tyler who stayed up too late making music.

It was _his_ Tyler. And he was so happy that it worked out this way.

Tyler smiled up shyly at him, “you gunna keep staring or can we leave?” There was a lightness to his voice that suggested nonchalance, but that self-doubt was lingering in his eyes.

Their lips met in a short sweet kiss, Josh reaching down to take Tyler’s hand, “come on, let’s go.” They both ignored the tears from their families, if they thought about it too hard then they’d end up going back. Instead they kept their eyes locked on the road ahead, Josh had one hand gripping the steering wheel and the other holding on to Tyler.

“We’re gunna live together,” Tyler whispered in wonder, turning to smile at Josh.

“Yeah we are baby boy.”

Tyler’s cheeks turned a delicious shade of red, pink dusting the tanned skin, “shut up dog breath.”

“Make me,” Josh challenged, turning back to the road.

“Not when we’re driving Joshie, I don’t want to die.” But his actions said otherwise. He wriggled his hand free, instead resting the warm skin against Josh’s thigh. It was innocent enough, but Josh was hyperaware of the heat radiating into his thigh, he could feel Tyler’s eyes on him, sense the smirk.

Maybe his pants were getting a little tighter. He is only human after all.

Tyler was grinning manically when he glanced over at a red light, his lips were begging to be kissed, all red and plump, wet from where his tongue darts out.

Josh was fucked.

“You know Joshie,” the playful tone was laced with sensuality, fingers trailing up and down his thigh, “new house means we have to christen every room.” His eyes followed Josh’s Adam’s apple as he gulped, fingers tightening on the wheel.

“Ty,” he whined, not entirely sure what it was he was asking for. Long fingers were tantalisingly close to his crotch, but the buzz of passing cars brought him back to reality. “Let me drive.”

“I’m not doing anything,” his voice was so innocent, so sweet, like melted chocolate or dripping honey. Josh could just picture his face, eyes wide and blinking up slowly, a smile tugging at the edge of his lips, but it would be his eyes that gave the game away. He knew they’d be shimmering with laughter, the glee and arousal he could faintly feel in their bond.

“Yes you are. Please, another 20 minutes and we’ll be in our new house. Can you imagine?”

Tyler giggled, hand moving further away, “I don’t need to imagine. We’re about to be living it.” There was a moment of silence, the idea finally really settling in. “We’re living together. Me and you Joshie. Just us.”

“The start of forever,” Josh smiled, tearing his eyes from the road to take in the beauty beside him.

He was met with happy giggles, easy smiles, before a frown pulled at Tyler’s face and he pushed Josh’s face back to the road, “I don’t want to die. Focus.”

But Josh kept looking over, getting a sigh from Tyler every time, “I can’t help it, you’re so pretty.”

“So I can’t touch you because it’s too distracting, but you can look at me more than the road and everything’s fine?” Tyler scoffed, eyebrow raised in challenge.

“Yes. Because whenever you touch me I go insane, and you know full well what you were doing, I’m admiring a work of art then returning to the road no problem.”

“It’s not like I would leave you hanging, I fully intended to give you a handjob or something.”

Josh nearly swerved off the road at Tyler’s words, his face burning and his eyes wide. “Jesus Ty, you are going to kill us, I swear to God.”

“Don’t use the Lord’s name in vain Josh, I’m a good Christian boy,” Tyler frowned, settling back into his seat like nothing had happened.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Fuck, God, just fucking fuck me Josh,” Tyler whined, writhing beneath Josh. “I swear to God Josh, please, I need you.”

Josh smiled into the next kiss, still using only his fingers, “don’t use the Lord’s name in vain Ty.”

A groan fell from Tyler’s lips, eyes rolling, “I hate you. I hate you so much. Seriously, is that what this is about?”

“No, this,” he made sure to push his fingers a little deeper at those words, eliciting a loud moan from Tyler, “is about me wanting to have sex without hurting you. I felt like topping. There are plenty of rooms. You can top next time.”

“You are too coherent,” Tyler complained through desperate moans and pants of frustration.

“Coherent’s a big word baby,” Josh argued, smirking as he said it. And Tyler just wanted to wipe that smirk clean off his face. Instead he pulled Josh into a kiss, it was dirty and a mess but that seemed unimportant. “You ready?”

“For the past hour,” Tyler grumbled, though the words were unintelligible through the deep breaths and the moans that fell from his lips. He whined at the loss of Josh’s fingers, but that soon morphed into a moan when he felt Josh slowly enter him. “Please. Fuck. Faster.”

Josh’s mouth fell to attack Tyler’s neck, sucking dark bruises wherever he could reach as he continued to slam into Tyler. The room was filled with the sound of skin hitting skin, breathy moans and gasps as they struggled to get enough air. “Fuck Ty.”

The two moved in sync, words failing them as they attempted to confess their love for each other, but it was hard to get the words out, instead they let their bodies show it. Josh felt the familiar warmth pooling in his stomach, the tightening which meant only one thing, one look at Tyler’s face told him he would follow soon after. With a cry Josh came, continuing to ride out his bliss as Tyler also came in white stripes. “Wow,” Tyler laughed breathlessly, “I’m all gross,” he whined.

“Shower round?”

“Can we just lay here for a minute?” Tyler’s chest was still heaving, the world slightly blurred at the edges.

Josh watched in adoration as Tyler’s heavy eyes fell shut, “as long as you need baby. What a way to start forever.”

A lazy smile blossomed on Tyler’s face, “I love you Josh.”

“I love you too Ty.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

The TV was only background noise as Tyler sang the words he’d just written. He refused to look at Josh as he sang them, instead locking his gaze on his hands, he forced his body to be still, forced himself to just sing. “What did you think?”

“Beautiful,” Josh sounded awestruck, and he looked it too, that familiar all adoring look in his eyes as he gazed at Tyler. “Jesus Ty, I can’t believe you can’t see it. But I promise you, you’re amazing.”

His cheeks turned pink at the compliment, moving closer to rest under Josh’s warm arm, “so are you. You’re so talented Joshie.”

“I’ll have to do all the believing for you, and you’ll have to believe for me.” It was the sad truth really, but it was just another way that they were perfect for each other.

“Okay,” it was just a sigh, barely more than a breath, but it was a promise for the both of them. Tyler let himself sink into Josh’s warmth, attention finally falling to the TV. It didn’t take long for him to lose interest, instead focusing on the rise and fall of Josh’s chest, the steady breathing, the rhythmic beating of his heart and the beautiful sound of his laughter.

It was to this symphony that Tyler fell asleep.

 

 

 

 

 

When he woke he was in bed, with Josh’s head on his chest and breath fanning his skin. The sun was up and peeking through the windows, heating squares of light on the bed. Josh looked perfect, his face a picture of calm, a barely there smile tugging at his lips as his mouth hung slightly open.

He looked perfect.

“How long have you been staring?” Josh asked sleepily, eyes still closed.

“I’m not,” Tyler argued, though the giggles that escaped suggested otherwise.

“We have a bond you doofus.”

“You’re the doofus,” Tyler muttered, fingers going to Josh’s hair. “Your hair looks good.”

He felt Josh cringe, could sense his disagreement, “I hate my hair.”

“I love it.”

“I don’t.”

“Well I do, so shut up.” Josh let out a little laugh, pressing himself unbelievably closer.

“Fine, but let me go back to sleep, I’m tired.”

Tyler sighed, but also burrowed back into the warmth, “okay dog breath, I’ll see you in my dreams.”

“You better fucking not Ty.” But they were both laughing, sleep probably wouldn’t visit again, but that didn’t matter when they had each other.

 

 

 

 

 

“I got a job!” Josh announced as soon as he came through the door, bags of food and other essential objects being dropped carelessly as he anticipated Tyler’s attack. It had taken long enough; they’d been so desperate that they’d had to get a loan from their parent’s just so they could eat. But jobs weren’t so easy to come by, with the two of them desperately searching for something that gave them the flexibility to carry on with the band.

“That’s so good baby!” Tyler rushed to hug him, the bags of food Josh had brought back lying abandoned on the floor. “Why do I smell Taco Bell?”

Josh had the decency to look a little sheepish, smiling sweetly at Tyler, “to celebrate?”

“You’re so lucky I love you,” Tyler mumbled into Josh’s neck before meeting his lips for a chaste kiss, “come on then, let’s feast.”

They ate in silence, the occasional minute conversation about that new song on the radio or that guy down the street. Or that old lady in the apartment below them who was always bringing them cookies and newspapers and plotted plants and had a cat who would follow Josh around for hours. “Where are you working?”

“Guitar Centre.”

“And you still want to do the band?”

“I’d drop this job in a second if this were some sort of choice.” He meant every single word, he didn’t even need to think about it. “Is it a choice?”

“No. Not at all. I was just wondering,” Tyler smiled, moving to kiss Josh’s cheek. “I’m excited.”

“So am I. I’ve got a good feeling about this Ty.”

“Me too baby.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for those of you interested the Brallon spin off is up. It's called Love's A Lifetime's Only Token and I'd love to hear what you think. Sorry it's been such a long time, been super busy lately. Hopefully there will be a couple more uploads over the holidays. 
> 
> Thanks frens |-/


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! This hasn't been proof-read. Wanted to get it out for you lovely lot!

“Are we really going to do this?” Josh asked, thumb hovering over his boss’ phone number.

Tyler glanced up at him, smiling softly, he didn’t say a word because he didn’t need to. ‘Yeah Joshie, I think we are’, the thought was tinged with excitement and fondness, an adoration that had Josh’s heart twinging. As Tyler’s smile blossomed on his face like the prettiest of roses, Josh felt his own face light up.

“Okay, okay,” he laughed softly, pressing the contact and holding the phone close to his ear. Tyler was scrambling at his side, clutching at his shoulder so he could press his ear close enough to the receiver to hear too. As the dial tone sounded Josh rolled his eyes, ‘you’re an idiot’.

‘I’m your idiot though,’ he felt the miniscule shrug of Tyler’s shoulders against him, his smile only growing. “Hello?”

“It’s Josh,” Josh began, before getting cut off by the gruff voice of his boss.

“Oh yeah, Josh, look now isn’t a good time. I’ll talk to you in work tomorrow.”

As the panic bubbled in his chest he practically vomited the words out, “I quit.” It was a little closer to shouting than he would have liked, but he panicked, and he makes bad decisions when he panics and Tyler was letting stifled giggles fall musically from his lips and it was getting him flustered.

There was a moment of silence and Josh wondered if he was too late, “you what?”

“I quit. Effective immediately. I won’t be in tomorrow.” Tyler’s hand on his thigh was the only thing grounding him, his calming thoughts helping him to speak his mind and not cave at the silent anger he could feel radiating through the line. “Sorry.”

“You can’t just quit Josh, that’s not how it works,” he was raising his voice and Josh kind of felt like he was drowning and Tyler was trying to calm him with gentle touches and calming thoughts but it didn’t feel like enough.

“I, I, have a show to play, I can’t come to work. I quit. I’m not coming in,” Josh stammered, his confidence failing him.

There was an irritated sigh from the other side, “this better be worth it. You’re one of our best.” The unexpected compliment helped ease the pressure in his chest, the tone falling into one of resignation rather than anger.

“It will be,” Josh smiled shakily.

His boss let out a good natured laugh, “I’ll be seeing you Josh.” And then he hung up.

“That could have gone better,” Josh sighed, dropping the phone and running a hand through disappointingly brown hair.

Tyler just giggled, lips meeting his cheek, “I thought it went great. And, now you’re free to come to the show.”

The smile grew more confident, eyes sparkling when he turned to Tyler, “oh, I can come to my own show can I?”

“Sure, I think I can squeeze you in somewhere, I’ll work something out, I’m a genius like that,” Tyler leant forward, pressing their lips together gleefully.

“I don’t know if I’d call you a genius,” Josh muttered when he pulled away, resting their foreheads together.

“What would you call me?”

Josh shook his head softly, “perfect,” he whispered before their lips met for a slow kiss. Tyler’s hand found its way to his hair, threading through the longer locks and taking hold. As he pulled at the hair a moan fell from Josh’s lips, swallowed by Tyler’s greedy mouth. “You’re so perfect.”

It was Tyler’s turn to shake his head, reluctantly pulling back far enough to look into Josh’s eyes, “I think you’re looking in a mirror.” No more words were needed. Actions speak louder anyway.

 

 

 

 

They’d practiced. Of course they had. But only in the privacy of their own apartment. With the audience of none.

Tyler had done some small shows in bars and cafés with whoever he could string together, somehow between the working and the practising and the writing and the playing and the being madly in love they’d found the time to record an album. A whole album.

And people liked it. People who weren’t their parents. Josh would never forget the feeling of joy that exploded in his chest. He was at work, rocking out to N*Sync as he stacked boxes, when the feeling took over. He knew Tyler would be phoning before the familiar ringtone started up, answering immediately.

“They like it! People like it,” Tyler shouted happily down the phone.

“What are you talking about?” Josh laughed fondly, finding himself smiling too.

“Our album, I mean, we haven’t sold many but people like it. I think, I think we really have something here.”

Josh just smiled wider, “I’ve thought that for a long time.”

He didn’t have to be looking at Tyler to know he rolled his eyes, “yeah, well, you told me so.”

And before long they’d managed to book a gig. An actual show as twenty one pilots, not ‘Tyler and some friends trying out their songs’. It wasn’t anything big or special, some dumb college show where everyone would be too drunk to know what was playing but that didn’t matter. Because they were together.

 

 

 

 

“Calm down,” Tyler frowned, placing a hand on Josh’s leg.

“I’m nervous.”

“It’s a bunch of drunk teens! There’s nothing to worry about,” Tyler pointed out with a smile.

Josh just rolled his eyes, looking away with a pout. When Tyler looked at him, really looked at him, he could see the tears shimmering in his eyes and the very real fear trapped beneath.

“Jishwa?” Josh refused to look over, partly because he was mad at Tyler but also because he felt like he was a second away from a major meltdown. “You know, you won’t be up there alone. You hit those drums as hard as you can, you’re the best drummer I’ve ever seen, you have nothing to worry about. I’ll go up there and be as crazy as possible.”

It succeeded in making Josh smile, memories of the first time Tyler let loose on stage and terrified his mother completely springing to life in his head. “It’s almost like you can read my mind.”

Tyler let his lips press against Josh’s neck, smiling into the warm skin, “hmm, anyone would think we’re soulmates or something.” Josh’s laughter was like the cool breeze in summer, or cuddling under the blanket as it snows outside. It was warmth and comfort and home and life.

“I love you,” Josh said, turning to kiss Tyler’s face.

“I love you too.” Someone was pointing at the ‘stage’, that was barely more than raised ground, and Tyler took that as their cue. “Come on Dog Breath, we have a show to rock.”

It wasn’t perfect. Not even a little.

Some guy tried peeing on Josh’s drums and got a jab to the stomach for his efforts. And someone tried peeing on their merch (Josh is adamant it’s the same guy because “really, really Ty? There are two lunatics running around with their pants down and their dick out needing a pee? Nope I don’t think so.”) and the cops turned up half way through the _second_ song and made them shut it all down.

But it was the beginning of something special. As Josh played (and pushed away drunk idiots who couldn’t find a bathroom) he felt that spark within his heart, he knew he couldn’t do anything else with anyone else by his side.

It was him and Tyler, performing forever. And if they’re never going to play to more than 20 drunk college kids or a bar full of disinterested old men then so be it. But there was that feeling tugging at him that they were going to make it, that they would succeed.

When he looked over at Tyler on the drive home and saw the smile on his face and the far-off look in his eyes, he knew Tyler felt it too.

 

 

 

Tyler was having a bad day.

It happens.

And Josh wasn’t sure what more he could do.

It was a lie in bed with the curtains drawn kind of day, one where no food seemed to sit right, where everything felt hopeless.

All Josh could do was sit through it, tell Tyler stories in the quietest voice he could manage, try to keep him relaxed through the bond, try to make him smile.

The room was silent and the darkness didn’t help Josh guess the time. Tyler was crying again, he felt numb and empty and sad and awful and he hated every second of it because he _shouldn’t_.

“Stop it,” Josh sighed, kissing his cheek, hating the harsh thoughts barrelling through his mind insistently. “We all have off days. You’re allowed an off day.”

Tyler shook his head frowning, “no, I can’t. It hurts Josh. And I don’t want to feel this way because everything’s so good and people have it worse and I can’t feel this way.”

As Tyler sobbed into Josh’s shoulder, fingers clawing at his exposed skin, Josh held him close. He rubbed circles into his back and hummed until he had quietened down. “Other people’s happiness or sadness has nothing to do with you, your emotions are in no way influenced by them. We all have dark days and some will be worse than others. But you have me and I have you and no matter what we’re going to make it and we’re going to be okay. Through the bad days and the good days.”

“I just want it to end,” Tyler whispered sadly, his dejected confession chilling Josh to the bone and making his stomach churn. “I feel like, like, _that_ again, and it’s not _fair_ because I’m _happy_. So happy. I have you and music and fans and friends and _you_. But it’s still there, the longing.”

“Stay strong baby boy, stay alive for me,” Josh pleaded, kissing Tyler’s head. “You’re fighting and that’s what matters. You’re not harming yourself are you?” Tyler didn’t verbally respond, just shook his head, huffing when Josh began checking his body. “I’m so proud of you baby, so, so proud.”

Tyler cried harder, holding onto Josh for dear life, “you shouldn’t be. You shouldn’t.”

“But I am, and I’ll never stop being proud of you because you’re so smart and strong and beautiful, you’re the best thing to ever happen to me.” It was clear Tyler wasn’t convinced, shaking in his arms as tears still rolled down rosy cheeks. His eyes were hollow, framed by black bags and lacking the light that usually shines from them. “Even if you relapsed, even if you threw me out, even if you decided this music thing wasn’t for you, I’d still be proud of you baby. I’ll stand by you every step of the way.

Trembling lips pressed a kiss to Josh’s cheek before Tyler buried himself in his neck, “I love you Josh, sometimes you’re all that keeps me going,” he whispered sleepily, eyes falling shut.

“Stay strong baby, I’ll always be here,” Josh promised, his own eyes filling with tears as Tyler slowly drifted away in his arms. He watched as he slept, the tiny smile that tugged at his lips, the steady breathing, the whispered words that would fall from his mouth.

 

 

 

 

“Come on Jishwa,” Tyler laughed, tugging at Josh’s hand with a smile.

“I don’t want to go,” Josh pouted, trying to escape Tyler’s grip. “They’ll just make fun of us the whole time.”

Tyler rolled his eyes, “you already promised you’d go. Dallon’s going too.” It was the mention of Dallon that convinced him to go, he hadn’t been the same since Brendon left, he still refused to tell anyone what _really_ happened. Thankfully Breezy had been able to glue some of his broken pieces back together, but nothing was fixed, not even close.

Since they’d moved it had been harder meeting up, there were phone calls and text messages and the odd cup of coffee, but it had been too long. “Fine,” Josh sighed, letting Tyler pull him out to the car.

“If you’re good I’ll give you a blow job,” Tyler smiled innocently, as if he was merely commenting on the weather, as he kept his eyes fixed on the road.

“You’d do that anyway,” Josh shrugged, cheeks dusted with red.

Another laugh bubbled from Tyler’s lips, eyes glancing over at Josh for a moment full of mischief, “oh Joshie, I know, I meant at my parent’s house.” For a moment Josh forgot how to breathe, wide eyes staring at Tyler. “I mean, we’ve done that before, but just imagine Josh, all of our friends and family sat talking in the living room not suspecting a thing, when I have you in the bathroom with your dick in my mouth. You’d have to be so quiet. But I bet you could do it Joshie. You can be good for me, right?”

There was a moment where Josh honestly believed he’d died and gone to heaven, his mouth felt incredibly dry and suddenly his jeans felt tighter. “What?” He asked breathlessly.

“You know how it works Joshie,” Tyler smiled casually, the glint in his eyes the only sign that he really knew what he was doing here, “you behave through dinner, and when they’re all distracted I’ll give you exactly what you need.”

A hand landed on his thigh, long fingers brushing up the sensitive skin and landing tantalisingly close to his crotch. “Tyler,” he whined.

Tyler laughed again, not even looking at Josh this time, “come on Josh, I hardly think that’s behaving.”

And all to suddenly they were pulling up outside the Joseph house and Tyler’s hand was gone and he was up and out, smirking when Josh finally joined him. “You okay there Jishwa, looking a little flustered?”

“I hate you so much,” Josh muttered, voice lacking any sincerity.

“Come on baby, it’s our anniversary, you can’t hate me today,” Tyler giggled, kissing his cheek. The glare Josh attempted to muster was pathetic and just made Tyler laugh harder as they fell through the doorway. “Here Ma,” Tyler shouted.

Both Kelly and Laura were at their sides in a second, pulling them into a tight hug, “oh Joshie, I love your hair like this,” Laura smiled, running her hand through it.

“I know, I tell him all the time, it’s so nice brown,” Tyler agreed, turning to Josh with an ‘I told you so’ ringing loudly in his head.

“You boys look so grown up,” Kelly beamed, looking a little teary.

“More like loved up!” Jordan shouted from the living room, earning chuckles all around.

Tyler just shrugged, because it was true, they were disgustingly loved up. He leaned over to lean against Josh, loving the way he melted into it, the way he couldn’t help but cave despite his attempt at trying to be angry. “Really sweetie, I mean it, you two look so good.”

“Thanks Mum,” Tyler sighed, hand trailing down Josh’s back. He could feel the shivers, the muscles tensing beneath feather light touches. “Is Dall here yet?”

Her face fell slightly, her smile faltering as her eyes clouded with pity, “he’s in the living room.” Her tone was dripping with sadness and pity, and Tyler felt Josh’s wave of guilt as if it were his own. He didn’t question it when Josh escaped his grasp and sped into the living room, he knew full well how much Josh was blaming himself for everything that had happened. Though he didn’t quite understand why.

Instead, he stayed with their mothers, chatting idly about next to nothing whilst Josh had the time he needed with Dallon. Despite the fact that Dallon had been Tyler’s friend for longer, considerably longer, Josh was taking it hard, taking the blame for an uncaring Brendon, feeling guilty for moving away and having less time to spend with him.

“Dall,” Josh smiled, examining the man in front of him. He seemed a little better, the smile on his face not quite as forced, the bags under his eyes much less defined. He wasn’t the walking, talking skeleton they’d grown used to. “How are you?”

“Better.” He sighed, that lingering sadness still glimmering in his eyes. “Breezy’s helping out, you know, I’m so lucky to have her.”

Almost as soon as her name fell from his lips she was by his side, smiling that easy smile and leaning into him. “You’re the luckiest,” she laughed, kissing his cheek.

“I’m glad you two are happy,” Josh was beaming by now, his guilt easing up, because Dallon was in good hands. Dallon was in the best hands.

As he watched the two whispering to each other, an arm wrapped round his waist, a face buried itself in his neck and pressed kisses there. “Missed you,” Tyler whispered into the skin.

“Shut up,” Josh laughed, “you saw me a second ago you idiot.”

“Feels like years,” Tyler was smiling into his skin, lips brushing over Josh’s pulse in a tantalisingly teasing way. Josh was trying his hardest to push that to the side, but he was high-strung, Tyler’s earlier promise ringing in his ears. “Being good baby?” His lips moved to Josh’s ear, breathing the words out so quietly, the words practically a purr.

Josh couldn’t risk opening his mouth, not with Tyler pressed so close, not with his hand running lightly over his back the other gripping his hip, not with those whispered words in his ear and those lips that kept _brushing_. Instead he nodded, a little shakily perhaps, but a nod all the same.

“Good boy,” he beamed, pride washing through their bond alongside some images that were not helping Josh’s little _problem_ at all.

“Dinner!” Kelly called, oblivious to the trouble Tyler was causing. They all were.

A moment’s hesitation was all it took, a second where Josh was lost in his thoughts, before Tyler was tugging him to the last two seats on the table. Relief washed over him when he saw they were sat next to each other.

Surely Tyler couldn’t do too much from there.

But, unfortunately for Josh, he completely underestimated his lover.

Completely.

He was tucking into the meal, smiling and laughing and nodding at all the right points, a passive member of conversation. Tyler was quiet, but they were all used to that. He’d been mute for what felt like years during those dark days. And then, seemingly out of nowhere, a hand landed on his thigh.

It was innocuous enough. Not even moving. Just a warm presence.

But Josh knew better. Josh knew that Tyler was up to something in that devious mind of his. “Two years and you’re not bored of him yet?” Zach asked with a teasing smile.

“There’s still time,” Josh laughed, risking a glance over at Tyler to see a smile tugging at his lips. “Seriously though, I’ve never been happier. He’s not getting rid of me.”

Tyler sighed dramatically, still smiling, “that’s a shame.”

“Yeah, sorry baby boy.”

“Strangely, I think I’ll get over it Dog Breath,” Tyler leant in to kiss his cheek, his hand sliding to the inner part of Josh’s thigh, still not high enough to cause any _real_ problems. But Josh was becoming painfully aware of its presence.

Kelly was smiling softly, “and the band, how’s the band going?”

“We’re practicing,” Tyler shrugged, rubbing small circles into Josh’s leg. “Right Josh?”

As soon as Tyler’s eyes fell to him, his hand edged higher, until fingers were unbuttoning his jeans subtly. “Yeah, we, uh, are getting good,” Josh stammered, voice faltering.

“You guys should come to our next show,” Tyler suggested, voice calm and collected as he let his hand rub against the growing bulge in Josh’s pants. “I think it’s in a week or so, right Joshie?”

A whine escaped from Josh’s throat, he managed to disguise it as being deep in thought, pointedly ignoring Tyler and his goddamn smirk. “Yeah, sounds right. How’s the basketball going Jay?”

His rush to change the subject went unnoticed, not by Tyler though. His hand moved more firmly against him, Josh’s hips twitching to find more friction. Josh was practically biting his tongue to stay quiet, trying to continue eating.

Tyler was somehow managing to stay in the conversation. Josh was struggling to keep his eyes open, to even still be at the table.

Then, out of nowhere, there were images in Josh’s head. One’s that felt so excruciatingly real. Tyler with his hands running all over him, his lips on exposed skin, their bodies slick with sweat, both of them moaning and groaning and grinding for any relief they could find.

The clattering of his fork against his plate pulled him from those thoughts and crashing back to reality, with Tyler’s hand still down his jeans and his face burning. “Uh, sorry,” he mumbled.

“You’re so clumsy Josh,” Laura laughed before returning to whatever they had been saying.

Josh turned to Tyler in desperation, “Ty, please,” he whispered. Not entirely sure what he was asking for.

‘Be good baby, come on, wait till after dessert. You can do it.’ Honestly, Josh thought he might start crying. He was desperate for some release, Tyler not putting in enough effort to get him to the edge, just keeping him hard and aching. He was getting beyond embarrassed, despite everyone seemingly oblivious to the whole thing. ‘I can stop.’

“I’m going to the toilet,” he quickly zipped his pants after slapping Tyler’s hand away and stumbled off. Ignoring anything anyone may have said about his abrupt departure and making a beeline for the downstairs bathroom. The cold water he was splashing on his face wasn’t helping at all. ‘Josh, I’m sorry.’ He let his head fall against the wall as he sank to the floor shakily.

‘Please stop ignoring me, I love you, I’m sorry.’ Tyler’s guilt and shame and regret spilled from every word, but Josh felt overwhelmed. He wasn’t _mad_ , not really.

‘Love you,’ he sent back, the words strained. Images flickered through his mind, soft kisses from Tyler, a warm hand in his own, the two snuggled on the sofa watching some awful movie. As Tyler expected it helped calm Josh down, sensing Josh’s smile. ‘I really do love you, I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t be sorry, get back in here. I think you’ve done well enough, I’ll definitely suck you off after dessert. You’ve earnt it.’

‘I hate you.’ It meant nothing though, because Tyler could feel exactly how Josh felt.

He took his seat with a quiet apology, sheepishly smiling at Tyler who instantly leant in and pressed a kiss to his neck. “I’m sorry baby, I went too far and that wasn’t fair of me.”

“I’ll get over it,” Josh shrugged, honestly, he was over it already. If he was ever in it.

They were drawn into conversation for what felt like forever, Josh was praying for them to get dessert, for this whole thing to come to an end. There’s only so much conversation he could take. “How about I go get dessert?” Tyler offered, smiling that cute church boy smile that screamed innocence at everyone.

“What a great idea sweetie,” Kelly cooed, “it’s in the fridge.”

“Under the white bowl,” Chris added with a sigh and an eye-roll as the two women jumped back into conversation about who wore what to church last week and the latest gossip.

When Tyler next stuck his head through the door way Josh wished he hadn’t looked up, because there he was with whipped cream on his fingers, seductively sucking it off as he smiled round his fingers. There was intense eye contact being made and Josh felt his jeans tightening again. “Cream anyone?”

Josh nodded numbly, forgetting what words were when Tyler’s gaze returned back to him. He _knew_ he wasn’t imagining Tyler’s parting wink, and there was definitely some extra hip action going on as he walked away.

Yeah. Josh was convinced he would die before the night was over.

 

 

 

 

Dinner was done. Dessert was done. Dishes were done. Yet Josh still hadn’t got the D.

Or given the D in this case, but he was practically bursting at the seams. A mere glance from Tyler, with his eyes twinkling in the dim light and his face practically glowing, would have him twitching in his jeans. At this rate he’ll come in his pants.

The conversation had dulled. Their parents half asleep, some awful movie was playing and Breezy and Dallon already had their tongues down each other’s throats. So when Tyler quietly got to his feet, gave Josh the most gorgeous smile he’d ever seen then sauntered off, Josh didn’t worry _too_ much about being subtle.

He gave him a head start. 3 minutes. And he was painfully aware of every millisecond. But as soon as he got into the room he had Tyler’s lips on his, he had warm hands and soft touches that were just forceful enough.

The door was clicked shut quietly before Josh was shoved against it, grunting a little at the impact, but Tyler swallowed every noise with his greedy lips. Words weren’t needed, everything was being said with the look in their eyes, with the proximity of their bodies.

Josh knew Tyler loved him, that he was sorry, that he felt awful, that he wanted to make up for it. Tyler knew Josh loved him, that he forgives him, that he’ll always forgive him, that there’s not a thing in this world that could keep them apart.

It wasn’t as teasing as before. There was no torturous touches, or flirtations intended to arouse.

Nope. Tyler dropped down to the floor once he’d had enough ravaging Josh’s mouth, unzipping the jeans and shoving them down to the floor. “Love you,” he said before he took Josh in his mouth. He smiled around the throbbing member, bobbing his head like a pro, taking Josh as deep as he could go (and he could go _deep_ ).

Josh had a hand clamped over his mouth in an attempt to muffle the sound, breathing heavily as Tyler swirled his tongue in the most delicious of ways, smiling around the cock in his mouth like it was nothing.

It was when Tyler moved his hands to Josh’s thighs, spreading them a little wider and tracing patterns on the sensitive skin that he came with a muffled cry of Tyler’s name. Through the bond he was screaming, and Tyler swallowed every last drop of come with a smile before pulling off with a plop.

They sat beside eachother, sprawled across the floor with Josh falling into Tyler’s lap. “I liked it you know,” Josh whispered randomly, eyes feeling heavy as Tyler pulled his fingers through his hair.

“I aim to please,” Tyler laughed softly, body shaking beneath Josh.

“No, no, not that. The, uh, the other thing.”

Tyler’s face scrunched up in confusion, not that Josh could see with his eyes closed. “What?”

“It was just too much too soon, I wasn’t ready. But I liked it. I was really turned on baby boy. Maybe just not with our parents.” The yet hung heavy in the air, like an unspoken promise between them.

“I should have said something, I shouldn’t have jumped into it.”

“I liked it,” Josh yawned, shrugging as he pressed himself closer to Tyler’s warmth.

“Okay baby, okay,” there was a smile on Tyler’s face, mind running wild with thoughts of just where this could take them. “We should get back out there.”

They didn’t care about the others seeing them walk in together, they’d been so long that if anyone would work it out then they’d already done so. What they weren’t expecting was every single person to be looking at them with a poorly hidden smile.

“As long as you cleaned up,” Chris frowned before bursting out laughing. Josh looked like a tomato and Tyler thought the heat from his cheeks alone would speed up global warming.

But he looked around the room, at Dallon and Breezy’s entwined hands, at his parents, at a blushing Josh and a giggling Jenna, at his siblings rolling on the floor and Josh’s family mixed with his own, and he knew that he wouldn’t change a damn thing.

‘I’m happy too.’ Yeah. Tyler had lucked out snagging the cute boy by his side and this perfect life, but Josh had hit the nail on the head. _Happy_.

Tyler finally knew what it felt like. He knew what belonging felt like. He knew what being whole felt like.

It felt like the start of forever, like the moment of euphoria when writing a song, like the most blissful moment of an orgasm, like the moment you step through those pearly white gates. There were angels singing every second he was with Josh and moment’s like this one must have had hordes of angels, with harps and pianos and Tyler found himself hoping at least one of them had a ukulele and that somewhere there was an angel hitting a triangle.

“I love you,” he promised, kissing Josh passionately.

“I love you too baby,” Josh was beaming when their lips met again.

Two years.

And they were ready for a whole lot more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Schools a pain in the ass and I've been really struggling with this one. I know where I want to go, just not sure how to get there.
> 
> Let me know what you think though, I've missed you guys! Stay strong frens
> 
> tumblr: whatisdunisdun  
> kik:saidanddun


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken so long!! The next three weeks = SUPER busy because I have my final exams of school EVER. But after that I'm gunna try and update more. thank you all so much for still reading, and for commenting - it honestly makes me so happy.

“We have a photographer coming today,” Tyler announced excitedly, clutching at Josh’s arm.

“I know baby, you’ve told me a thousand times – and that’s just today,” Josh laughed, turning to kiss his cheek. “I’m just as excited as you are,” he whispered against tan skin.

Tyler melted into Josh’s side, revelling in the steady warmth, “everything is coming together.”

“I know.” They stayed sat there for a while, a tiny little stage in a crumby club, but Tyler let his head fall against Josh’s shoulder. They stayed wrapped around each other, the room silent, feet kicking in the air, until the door opened. “Hi?”

The guy walked up to them, smiling politely the whole time and held out a hand to shake, “I’m Mark Eshleman, from the clothing company – kind of.”

“Tyler Joseph,” Ty was beaming as he shook his hand, “so what are your plans for this then?”

And Tyler and Mark spoke about photos and the show and the t-shirts and Josh watched in amusement. He loved how animated Tyler got when talking about their music, and loved how that increased if the other person was at all interested. Right now Tyler was in heaven. ‘Gonna go call my Ma, I’ll just be outside.’ He saw Tyler’s head nod in response and then he was off.

As selfish as it was, he just didn’t want to be there anymore. Tyler and Mark had hit it off and Josh had barely had time to introduce himself. Not that he minded – not that much. He just didn’t want to sit there watching them get along like a house on fire.

 

 

 

 

 

It was one of their best shows too. Mark fit in like a missing puzzle piece, slotting into a space they had never noticed before. He seemed to just _know_ where he needed to be, getting all the best shots. Despite the large room only being filled with maybe 20 people, there was that buzz in the air again – everything was coming together.

“Drinks?” Josh suggested when he and Tyler got ‘backstage’ (a tiny room that was more like a cupboard than anything useful) and were joined by a beaming Mark.

“Sure, you in Mark?” Tyler responded, wiping away the sweat that was coating his body.

“That’d be great – you know, you guys rocked it. If you ever want any footage or photos doing, you should let me know.” They bounded off together, speaking excitedly about their hopes and dreams and plans for the year. And Josh, who will now admit he was slightly jealous, could see this friendship lasting forever, he just knew that Mark was going to be there for every single step.

 

 

 

 

“I love you,” Josh sighed, staring at Tyler like he was everything that mattered (which was exactly how Josh felt).

Tyler looked up in confusion, cheeks dusted with red as he smiled, “I love you too Jish.” The scene was just too perfect, with Tyler stood at the oven flipping pancakes as Josh took the time to admire his half-dressed lover. “You want syrup or something?”

“Nah, you’re sweet enough,” he saw Tyler roll his eyes, but that smile was tugging at his lips and he could feel the amusement through their bond, could feel Tyler’s cheeks heat up.

“I hate you,” he grumbled, passing Josh’s plate over.

“I’ve got enough love for the two of us,” Josh shrugged, smiling up at Tyler again.

“What has got into you today?” Tyler asked, foot nudging him under the table. Josh just shrugged, blushing a little. “I really lucked out with you buddy.” They ate in comfortable silence, with Josh’s eyes lingering on Tyler’s frame but shooting away whenever Tyler looked up. “I love you,” Tyler sighed after Josh had looked away for what felt like the 50th time (it was the 27th, he counted).

A bright smile grew on Josh’s face, blossoming like the prettiest flower. “I love you too,” his voice was so quiet and careful, “I’m so glad I didn’t lose you.” And suddenly it made sense.

Tyler lent over to press a soft kiss to Josh’s cheek, “it’s all because of you baby, I love you so much and I’m so happy now. I’m getting better and you’re getting better, and we’re okay – just like you promised.”

There were tears in Josh’s eyes that were hastily blinked away, “stay here,” he whispered before rushing off. He returned with a sheepish smile, phone behind his back. When a soft melody filled the room Tyler couldn’t help but smile, “may I have this dance Mr Joseph?”

“Yes you may Mr Dun,” Tyler laughed, taking Josh’s outstretched hand and falling into his warm chest. “If you love me, why’d you leave me,” he sang softly as Josh did the same. Despite the reminders of the coma, of his suicide, of a time in his life where things went wrong, this song meant something else to the both of them. It was the song that brought them back together, it was the beginning of their happiness, of their forever. “This is our forever.”

He could feel Josh’s smile against his skin, as the continued to sway with each other, “you bet baby. Me and you ‘till the end of time.”

And they smiled and laughed, dancing around the kitchen together and pressing soft kisses to any exposed skin (and there was a lot because Tyler was still shirtless and it didn’t take much for Josh to lose his shirt too). “I’m going to marry you one day Ty, and this song will be playing and I’ll be thinking of every moment I ever spent with you and how we got better together and how we fought and how we always just fit. We were meant to be, and our love is made for movie screens.”

Tyler had never smiled so wide, happy tears rolled down his cheek as he met Josh for a slow kiss, “that sounds perfect J. And I won’t leave you, I promise, I learnt my mistake.” They continued to dance together for hours, that song playing more times than they could count between the other songs on the playlist.

 

 

 

 

 

It was Tyler who was shaking like a leaf this time. Ski mask clutched in his hands, a skeleton hoodie zipped to his chin, and his smile wavering. “It’s going to be okay,” Josh assured him, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

Mark was behind them, taking pictures of the intimacy before him. “I know, but I’m scared – it’s weird right. This is weird.”

Maybe laughing wasn’t the best response, but he couldn’t help it, “no Ty, you’ve done it before.”

“In tiny bars,” he groaned, “where it was the only way to get attention. People are actually showing up now, they actually _want_ to see us.”

“And they want to see _us_ , the kind of crazy guys; the band of two people, the cute ass guy who raps and plays piano. The guy who’s voice is full of pain and hope, who’s words are sad but songs are happy, the guy who jumps too high and climbs shit and prances around stage like a lunatic. They want skeleton hoodies and ski masks, they want to see me do backflips and see us laugh and joke with each other. They want the theatre, they want the realism – they _want_ twenty one pilots and that’s exactly what you give them.”

Tyler just sat there, blinking in astonishment as Josh’s cheeks blushed a few shades darker. “That, wow, J,” and then they kissed. And Tyler’s tongue was begging for entrance and it was only when Mark cleared his throat that the two reluctantly parted.

“You gotta get out there in a couple of minutes,” he informed them with a shrug, camera in hand.

“Did you record that?” Josh asked awkwardly, rubbing at the back of his neck. Mark nodded, smiling as Josh just sighed and left to get the final things ready.

“You’ll send that to me, right?” Tyler asked, smiling too.

At this Mark laughed, “Of course I will – poetry in motion. You bagged yourself a winner.”

“Don’t I know it,” Tyler replied with a smile, voice soft as his thoughts turned to Josh. ‘Stop thinking about my sexy ass and get ready, or I’ll start without you,’ Josh’s playful threat echoed in his mind and he couldn’t help but giggle as he zipped up his skeleton mask and headed out there.

 

 

 

 

 

They were causing quite the buzz in Columbus, their little band, they’d get recognised on the street, they got asked for autographs and photos. Each show grew and grew until pubs and clubs weren’t big enough for their little gathering.

Things were falling into place.

Tyler was sat between Josh’s legs on the floor, a notebook in hand as he scrawled lyrics down, Josh’s hand was pulling softly at his hair absently. “You want anything Ty?” Josh asked, his voice soft.

“I’m okay, thanks,” his muttered response was distant almost, his mind focused on finding the right words, but he leant into Josh’s hand a little more as affectionately as possible.

Josh loved every second, the warmth of Tyler’s body against his and his soft hair through his fingers, just knowing that someone he loved was so close and loved him back just as much. He let his attention return to The X-Files, which is where it stayed until he noticed Tyler was crying. “Baby?”

There wasn’t a response, other than Tyler’s sobs becoming louder as they spilled from his mouth, his pen dropped to the ground as he covered his face just as Josh dropped to the ground and pulled him against his chest. “It’s okay Ty, it’s okay,” he whispered these words into Tyler’s ear, pressing soft kisses there.

It wasn’t the first time this had happened.

Not at all. Sometimes Tyler gets to lost in the world of his lyrics, delves a little too deep and the thoughts terrify him, and this is how it ends up – with him crying and Josh trying desperately to bring him back to the real world. “Why is silence so violent J? Why? We’re going to die. And what then? What’s next? I can’t stand the thought of not having you Josh, I can’t, I, you are my reason to keep going and if I can’t have you in the next life then why bother sticking around in this one because all this will mean nothing?” Tyler sobbed, words falling over each other.

It broke Josh’s heart, as he pressed more kisses to Tyler’s skin. “You listen here baby, this is worth it because we make it worth it. If there’s nothing next, then there’s nothing we can do about it. But I promise, until then we’re making every second count – me and you, we were meant to be together Ty, we’re soulmates and that doesn’t happen for no reason.”

The shaky nod of Tyler’s head against his chest was comforting, if only a little, because there’s usually more fight than this. And perhaps he should have worried about Tyler caving to his words so quickly, but his thoughts were silence by Tyler’s desperate lips on his.

Desperate hands accompanied those begging lips, tugging at Josh’s clothes as Tyler moved to straddle him. “Please,” he whispered when he saw Josh’s look of concern, and Josh cracked. Tyler had always been his weakness, and seeing him so broken and desperate, the way that one word fell so quietly, the way it seemed to fill the room with a sadness Josh wanted to scrub away, left him nodding and returning Tyler’s kiss.

They were opposites. Tyler kiss was harsh, there was too much teeth, too much aggression, but Josh just responded with gentle touches, brushing Tyler’s skin like the softest feathers, his kisses were filled with love. He made himself into a mould for Tyler, directing him a little, as Tyler continued to lead the kiss, hands fumbling with Josh’s jeans.

It was what he needed. And Josh would always be there to give him what he needed, whenever he needed it. “I love you Ty,” he assured him, another kiss to Tyler’s neck.

“Love you Jish,” Tyler responded, sounding a little more like himself, there was a small smile on his face that didn’t quite look like it belonged but Josh wasn’t going to complain. And then they shed the last pieces of clothing, and Tyler’s sadness and anger seemed to leave with them, he lost himself in Josh and their kisses and Josh writhing in pleasure beneath him.

 

 

 

 

 

They had another album under their belts. It was hard for either of them to believe. It felt like only yesterday they had released the self-titled album and suddenly they had ‘Regional At Best’ out in the world.

Josh thought it was the best thing since sliced bread, Tyler wasn’t as convinced. The album had barely been in the world for 24 hours when he’d begun tweaking tracks, despite knowing they were out there already. “This is the one,” Josh smiled as they listened back to it driving to see their parents.

“No it’s not,” Tyler frowned, “my voice breaks here, and I don’t think I should have screamed that bit-”

“Babe, shut the fuck up. The album is perfect, you are perfect. I have a good feeling about this one, I don’t care what you think.”

Tyler pouted, but there was a smile glistening in those hazel eyes that he just couldn’t hide, not from Josh, “okay.”

A hand reached over to land on Tyler’s leg, just to reassure him, “you still good meeting our parents?”

“It’s just a dinner J,” Tyler giggled.

“It’s a celebration and you know it, take the praise baby boy because you deserve it. It’s good that you’re not a dick about how awesome you are, but there’s a difference between being grounded and putting yourself down. Appreciate that we made the best thing we could, and save all these comments to make the next thing even better.”

“I thought I was supposed to be the smart one,” Tyler frowned, before laughing a little and bringing Josh’s hands to his peach lips to press a soft kiss there.

A smile broke out on Josh’s face as he shook his head, “you’re the talented one dumbass, sometimes I gotta step in and remind you just how great you are.” They pulled up outside some fancy restaurant and Tyler started tugging at the floral shirt Josh had thrown at him. “You look fucking delicious, stop,” Josh laughed, trying to sound assertive. He grabbed Tyler’s hand and pulled him inside before he could say a damn thing.

It took less than a second for Tyler and Josh’s Mums to have them both pulled into a hug, Josh was struggling to get air and Tyler was squealing and trying to wriggle free. “I’m so proud of you boys,” Laura cooed, pressing a kiss to both their headlines.

“It’s nothing really Momma Dun,” Tyler tried, but soon stopped speaking when both parents fixed him with a stern look.

“How many boys your age have two albums out there in the world? Work endlessly to tour and play and record? Not many.” Kelly challenged, smirking as she watched Tyler flounder before heading back to the table.

‘She’s right baby boy,’ Josh couldn’t say it out loud because he was too busy giggling, his fingers trailed down Tyler’s arm as he walked past in what was meant to be consoling but really just made Tyler want to kiss him until their vision began to blur. ‘You sitting down?’ When Tyler blinked his way back to reality and looked over at the table he saw Josh’s shit-eating grin he blushed a deep red, shuffling over and joining the others in conversation.

“You know, people are talking about you at school now,” Jay mentioned after they’d made their orders, he looked proud and Tyler felt something inside him blossom, that warmth spreading through his body and only intensifying when Josh shared his emotions with him and let his hand land on his leg again.

In fact, everyone had a look of wonder on their faces as if only just realising that this music thing wasn’t trapped in their little bubble. “Really?” And Tyler’s voice was careful so not to break the beautiful golden haze that had settled over them all.

It seemed everyone felt that same fragility, with Jay just nodding his head meeting Tyler’s eyes. “Told you baby boy,” Josh smiled, laughing as Tyler blushed and eyes turned to them in shock.

“Baby boy?” Jordan was trying hard not to laugh, as were the others. Although their parents looked more like they were praying for the ground to swallow them whole. “You his daddy?”

Josh’s laughter ceased in a second. In fact, everything stopped for a second. Maybe it was Josh’s reaction, so immediate and extreme, that made them stop or maybe it was because they too wanted to turn back time. “No,” Josh spat the word out, getting up and rushing out.

He needed air.

It felt as if he couldn’t breathe. His lungs refused to take in the air he so desperately needed.

When Tyler pressed his hand to his back he was heaving in shaky breaths, his head buzzing and the world spinning. “You’re okay baby, they didn’t mean anything by it,” Tyler assured him, pressing a kiss to Josh’s rapid pulse

“I don’t know why,” Josh cried, pulling Tyler close. He felt his body relax a little when Tyler pressed another kiss to his hair.

“It’s okay, you’re just stressed – that’s fine. But, if you’re into that-”

“I’m not, I’m not, I promise,” he insisted, shaking his head frantically.

Tyler sighed, hating the anxiety-ridden picture before him. “Okay baby, okay, but if you were that’s okay. I love you. All of you.”

Josh felt so fragile, like a broken figurine that was never quite fixed properly. Even in Tyler’s gentle arms, with the softest gaze and softer touches, he felt broken. He hated it, he hated what the anxiety made him. “You can go back, I just need another second.”

Although he left he hated it, Josh felt his presence through the bond though, sending those reassuring feelings every few seconds. When Josh shuffled back in he received mumbled apologies and concerned looks. He leant heavily into Tyler until their food arrived.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what got into me,” Josh sighed halfway through the meal.

“It’s alright honey,” his Mum smiled, the others nodding too. They all had some awareness, and Tyler may have snapped some harsh words before he left to comfort Josh.

“I ruined our celebration meal,” he sighed, frowning at his plate.

Ashley burst out laughing, “there’s more than enough dinner for you to make it up to us.”

A small giggle escaped from Tyler’s mouth, he looked over at Josh sheepishly, “she’s right babe, just, you know, smile.” And he did a small smile appearing on his face. “That’s more like it Dog Breath.”

Everyone took it in their stride, returning to their easy conversation and ~~insulting~~ teasing jokes. Josh knew Tyler was worried, and likely would be for the next few days, but he was smiling softly and laughing and joking and the meal turned out to be an even bigger success than predicted.

 

 

 

 

 

Once they got home Josh had his lips against Tyler’s before Tyler could form a single word. The kiss was slow and deep, hands reaching under Tyler’s shirt and making his intentions perfectly clear.

Their bodies were on fire, burning with the passion they felt, they stumbled their way to the bedroom. Lips barely parting the whole time, only to suck in heaving breaths of air before diving back into the taste of the other.

Clothes were shed without thought, happening almost automatically. It was a blur of touches and kisses and clothes, so much going on both in the real world and in their heads. Images flitting between the two of laying sated and naked on the bed in a tangle of limbs, or of Tyler hovering over a whining and desperate Josh, the images were relentless and had the two of them achingly hard.

“Ty, come on man,” Josh whined, pulling Tyler over him and bucking his hips up in a desperate search for friction. “Please baby,” Josh begged, blinking up with something akin to innocence that had Tyler letting out a small, broken moan.

“Fuck Josh,” he muttered before swooping down and connecting their lips, a lubed hand finding Josh’s entrance and slowly stretching him open. He took his time, swallowing every moan that Josh made (and there were a lot), peppering kisses down his neck as Josh let out a slew of words that only vaguely made sense.

When Tyler finally pushed into Josh the room was filled with the sound of skin on skin and desperate moaning. “Harder Ty, come on,” Josh gasped, lifting his hips to meet Tyler’s. “So close.”

Those whimpered words made Tyler moan, long and low in Josh’s ear. “Me too,” he mumbled, panting heavily against Josh’s skin. “Let me see you,” those words had barely finished leaving Tyler’s lips when Josh came with a desperate shout of Tyler’s name, with Tyler following soon after.

They collapsed in a heap together, a burning, sweaty mess of limbs. “Love you Ty, so much,” Josh whispered, reaching out to brush his fingers softly across Tyler’s skin.

“And I love you baby boy, so much.” Tyler moved to clean them up, watching fondly as Josh struggled to keep his eyes open. When he returned to the bed he was pretty sure Josh was already asleep, his eyes shut and face relaxed, his mouth hanging open.

Tyler took a moment to appreciate the view before carefully covering him with the blanket, making sure he was comfortable, before climbing in next to him. “Thank you for being there, for always being there,” Josh whispered, words slurring together.

Thankfully his eyes were still closed, so he didn’t see Tyler jump in surprise, but he did pull him back into his arms, “always Josh, I’m always going to be there.” There was a smile on his face when he fell asleep, it matched the smile of his boyfriend.

 

 

 

 

 

They’d played their first festival, it wasn’t much, but they were buzzing. It was a tiny tent, with an even smaller crowd but that crowd had grown when they started playing. And sure, it was small, but that meant they could meet every single person who had come to say hello.

It also meant that they were exhausted, currently curled around each other as Mark had graciously offered to drive. He had thought he was tired, but when he had seen the two boys leaning heavily on each other with drooping eyelids he knew that what he felt paled in comparison.

There were hands tugging through Josh’s hair, which had matted together with sweat, and Josh was pressing gentle kisses to the skin he could reach. “You know, you’ll have to come up with a cover story,” Mark sighed as he watched them fondly.

“What do you mean?” Tyler asked, but his words had all joined to make one muttered line.

“People are going to want to interview you guys, when they ask how you met what will you say?” Mark had a point, but the boys were way too tired to think about it.

So Tyler shrugged, making Josh whine from his place against his shoulder, “we’ll deal with it when it comes to it.” Mark just nodded, knowing his words would be lost on them in this state anyway.

The next time he looked over Josh was drooling all over Tyler’s shoulder and Tyler was snoring softly into Josh’s hair. He made sure to snap a picture, not just because it was cute but because he always needs blackmail material.

 

 

 

 

 

That time came quicker than expected. Some local blogger had reached out to them and they’d jumped at the chance.

“So how did you two meet?” And it just came out of nowhere, like a child jumping from their hiding place.

It shocked them so much that they just told the truth. “We met in each other’s dreams.”

“Yeah, because we love each other so much that we couldn’t wait until we’d met each other,” Tyler added. It was only when the interview began to laugh that they awkwardly laughed with her.

“I like that, it’s cute. But really, how did you meet?”

“That’s, uh, we really did,” Josh stammered, looking to Tyler with a lost and slightly terrified look in his eyes.

“We met through a mutual friend. I was playing music and Josh kinda digged it.”

Josh was quick to play along, “I just wanted to make him smile.” It was close enough to the truth that they wouldn’t forget but also believable enough that people wouldn’t question it. Tyler could hear Mark’s ‘I-told-you-so’s already.

 

 

 

 

 

“That was quick thinking,” Josh murmured against Tyler’s skin when they were finally alone.

“Had to do something,” he whispered, “sorry they don’t believe us.”

Tyler could feel Josh’s emptiness swirling with his own disappointment, it was unusual for the two to feel low at the same time. One of them always pulls the other out of the darkness. “It’s okay, it’s probably better, you know.”

And Tyler did know.

Gay.

Most people are fine with it, especially if that person is your soulmate – you’re meant to be, so who cares what gender they are. But many are not, and in the industry that sort of thing is frowned upon. “We’re not hiding who we are Josh, we’ll be subtle, we’ll not scream about it, but we’re not changing who we are for this. Our fans love us for being genuine, and that’s what we’ll do.”

“Okay,” he felt Josh’s smile against his shoulder, it was small but an improvement from before. “I love you, was I being dumb?”

“Not even a little baby, I love you too,” he turned to connect their lips, smiling into the kiss and making it more a clash of teeth than anything else. “Mario Kart?”

“I’m always up for beating your ass,” Josh laughed, before blushing a deep red, “not, uh, I didn’t.”

Tyler was doubled over with laughter, clutching at his stomach and laughing harder whenever he risked a glance at Josh’s face. “Oh man, no, you can beat my ass – let’s go,” he giggled, ignoring Josh’s eye roll as he set up the Wii. “For the record, would you?” And Tyler managed not to laugh for a whole 20 seconds, blinking innocently at a blushing (and confused) Josh.

“I hate you,” Josh grumbled when Tyler started laughing again.

“Sure, but for the record, if anyone’s beating anyone’s ass – it’s me.”

And Josh was left wondering if Tyler was still talking about Mario Kart.

 

 

 

 

“And how did you two meet?” That question again. Mark had been right. People did want to interview them.

Columbus had grown to love the small band rising through the venues, growing bigger and bigger without the help of a label. And in came the interview requests, sometimes more than they could manage, and pleas for them to play at schools or churches or weddings or whatever the hell it was.

And each time that question came up Tyler’s heart hurt when he lied, and he knew Josh could feel it too, he knew Josh could feel something similar. That cold feeling in his gut spreading through his body alongside the pain in his heart.

“Well, we were both on a train,” Tyler started, humming softly when Josh turned to him curiously, sending him a brief glimpse of his plan through the bond, before leaving him in the dark. “And then the train crashed and everyone died.”

“Except us,” Josh piped up.

“Exactly, and so we crawled out of the wreckage,”

“And I was like, you okay dude?”

“And I was like yeah. But I looked at him and I was like this guy looks like a dude who would want to start a band. So I said, dude, you wanna start a band. And that’s actually how we first met, and all our songs are about that experience.” Everyone was laughing and Tyler felt pride well up in his chest alongside the warmth he’d been craving.

He let his eyes fall to Josh as he laughed, the way his eyes crinkled at the edges and his head fell back. He was crazily in love.

‘Thank you,’ Josh smiled through their bond, eyes locked on the interviewer. Tyler kind of zoned out for some of the interview, but Josh jumped in to save him. Answering as many questions as he could.

‘I love you.’

‘I know.’

 

 

 

 

They were wrapped around each other again. It was a default state for the both of them. Something warm and homey about being surrounded by the person you love with every inch of you.

“You guys ready for the show?”

“Sure,” Tyler sighed, running his hands through Josh’s hair with a smile.

“I heard that there’s been talk of you guys playing Newport,” Mark smiled, loving the domesticity of it all. He was overwhelmed with pride, he felt at home with these two and would never stop being grateful for being allowed into their circle of trusted friends.

Tyler and Josh just smiled, eyes meeting for a second, “it’s just talk.” But Mark recognised the glint in their eyes.

“You guys are liars and I hate you,” he grumbled.

Tyler faked hurt, grasping at his chest, “I never lie.”

Mark laughed, knowing already he had won this round, “so you guys really did meet in a train crash? Or was it on a chat page? Maybe in a gay club.”

A look of betrayal fell upon Tyler’s face as Josh laughed, sitting up so he didn’t choke, “ouch. Low blow.”

“I think we should use the gay club one,” Josh giggled, hiding behind his hands.

“Of course you do,” Mark sighed, rolling his eyes, “get your asses out there before these fans go rabid. And just so you know, I’m coming to Newport with you.”

He saw Tyler wink mischievously, grabbing Josh’s hand and pulling him up before throwing his mask at him. “Sure Mark, I’ll invite you.” The words dripped with sarcasm, but everyone knew Mark would be invited. He always was.

“Ah thanks, that is so kind of you. Now hurry up, I wanna grab food after this.” They headed out together, laughing, before parting ways – Josh heading out first. As the beat kicked in and hummed through Tyler’s entire body he felt safe.

This was it.

He could feel it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally updated! Let me know what you think of this one <3   
> I was listening to Keaton Henson whilst writing a lot of this, let me tell you, that makes for some awesome vibes.

“Newport,” Tyler whispered, that one word falling like a prayer from his lips.

“Newport,” Josh replied, smiling wider than he thought possible. He pressed a kiss to Tyler’s cheek, linking their fingers together, “we could play Newport.” The two giggled, the sound bubbling up from inside, from the happiness and love and pride swirling in their stomachs.

There wasn’t a single bad thought, not a single doubt, as they lay beside each other, Tyler’s phone abandoned beside him. Left where it fell from shaking fingers that moved to grasp at Josh as soon as he was able.

Tyler’s eyes were filled with tears, happy tears, as he excitedly told Josh the news. They were playing Newport. “I can’t believe it, this is our dream Josh,” he whispered shakily.

“And we did it all on our own, all thanks to you,” Josh assured him, leaning over and meeting his lips for a passionate kiss. “I’m so proud of you,” he murmured against his jaw, teeth grazing Tyler’s skin.

A ragged breath was pulled through Tyler’s swollen lips, hands grabbing at Josh’s shirt. “Take this off,” he ordered, already dragging the fabric up, revealing more and more of Josh’s toned body. He admired the swirling colours of his tattoo, the one he’d started work on recently.

He loved it. Loved tracing the lines of the colours, following the tree, reaching the stars. He couldn’t wait to have it finished so he could love every single inch of it. “Tyler,” Josh whined, pulling him from his thoughts as Josh ground his hips down.

Tyler shed his shirt quickly, needing _more_ , he wanted to feel every inch of Josh. “You fuck me tonight,” he gasped after a heated kiss.

“So romantic,” Josh laughed, reaching down to work on Tyler’s belt. It took longer than usual, with Tyler attaching his lips to every inch of skin. Sucking dark bruises on his collar bone, arching up to reach his neck. Focusing on the belt was getting harder and harder with each nip against his neck and each attempt from Tyler to grind against Josh in any way he could. “Tyler,” he complained, trying to focus on the task at hand.

“Shut up Josh,” Tyler flipped them over, leaning down and attacking Josh’s neck once more.

“Thought I was doing the fucking,” Josh sniggered between gasped breaths.

Tyler didn’t respond, his hands were softly massaging Josh’s growing bulge as he continued kissing and sucking everywhere he could reach, once more. He’d long ago decided his favourite taste was Josh, he’d decided around that time that he wanted to mark him up, that he felt a swell of pride and love every time he saw one of those dark marks on Josh’s skin. “Too slow, I’mma ride you,” he drawled, pulling an obscene moan from Josh that made him smile against his skin.

After finally releasing Josh from the confines of his jeans, he blinked up at him in that gloriously innocent way that had become all too familiar for Josh.

Before it had even clicked in his mind, Tyler has his lips around his dick. Head bobbing as Josh’s hands moved to grip at his hair. It wasn’t long enough to truly wrap round his fingers, not like Josh’s, but god it was so soft that nothing else mattered.

He’d lost the ability to think when Tyler had started sucking bruises on his skin, and that felt like an eternity ago. “Ty,” he whimpered brokenly, a half-hearted attempt to get him to stop, to warn him that if he continued he would cum and this celebration would be brought to an abrupt halt (or at least a pause).

“It’s okay baby,” Tyler whispered softly, smiling after he pulled off and ignoring Josh’s sad groan. He attached his lips to Josh’s inner thigh, sucking more deep purple marks (and by now Josh is a masterpiece of various shades of red and purple) that made his dick twitch when he saw them, that made him feel safe and in love. That made him feel like they _belonged_ , like Josh was _his_ and only ever his.

Josh was alive with the sensations, lost in the mass of feelings, even Tyler was feeling on edge with all those emotions bubbling inside him. It was glorious, even a soft breath against his skin had Josh shivering. He was desperate for Tyler’s touch, for his lips, for pleasure.

And Tyler loved the power, the feeling of control he never used to have. The cutting had been an escape, a control, an attempt to stop the voices – now he had Josh and he had this.

And Josh was not complaining. Not at all. He needed it just as much, he craved the loss of control, he gave it up without a fight and let Tyler do whatever he wished. That was how he coped with the dark thoughts, with his anxiety, it was all Tyler.

It was always Tyler.

And it was always Josh.

“You gunna open me up,” Tyler asked, voice as sweet as honey, dripping warm words against Josh’s pale skin. Josh was long past forming any coherent words, instead making an affirmative humming that turned to an abrupt moan as Tyler shifted above him. “Or shall I put on a show?”

Tyler, ever the perceptive boyfriend, knew Josh wasn’t doing anything right now. He was so close, floating in a euphoria of Tyler. Instead Tyler went to work at opening himself up, it wasn’t as great as Josh’s fingers would have been. But it was still enough to pull small moans, barely more than exhaled breaths, from his swollen lips, and Josh was staring at him like some sort of messiah and he was unable to look away.

Nothing seemed to exist outside their bodies, not a single thing.

“Okay, Ty, go, ready,” Josh whimpered, Tyler had started fucking himself on his fingers, his bouncing sending jolts through Josh’s body and making his dick bounce painfully. He was so hard it hurt, the only relief coming from Tyler’s touch.

Which explains the pornographic moan that broke free when Tyler grabbed his cock and lowered himself down. Both of them moaned in sync as he pushed himself all the way down, until their two bodies were flush together. “I love you,” Tyler promised against Josh’s lips.

“Love you,” Josh gasped, grabbing Tyler’s hips and encouraging him to move. A smile broke out on Tyler’s face, one that was too sweet and innocent for the moment they were in. A softness shining in his eyes that made Josh’s heart twinge ~~and his dick twitch,~~ their two bodies became one. Moving in practiced sync with each other.

As Tyler moved himself on Josh, hands placed on his chest, Josh was thrusting up to meet Tyler’s hips every time. His hands held tightly to those sharp hips, holding on like his life depended on it as the room was filled with the sound of skin on skin. “Close,” Josh whined desperately, movements becoming sporadic.

“Show me,” Tyler demanded, voice rough and low, and at that sound Josh came and at the feeling of Josh filling him up Tyler followed soon after. Ribbons of white covered Josh’s body and the sheets, as they fell beside each other.

Their chests rose and fell rapidly, both boys flushed a dark red. At some point in their post-orgasm haze their hands had met, fingers glued together as Tyler pressed himself closer to Josh’s body. “That was amazing,” Josh smiled.

 _‘It was.’_ A small laugh bubbled out of Josh’s mouth, the sound infectious as Tyler began giggling too. As they laughed themselves silly, Josh leant over and pressed their lips together again. “God, I love you,” Tyler admitted when Josh pulled back to look at him.

He placed a hand on his chest with faux-pain plastered on his face, “you love God? I thought we had something Tyler.” The smile on his face only grew as Tyler rolled his eyes with a laugh. “But, God I love you too.”

After basking in the afterglow for far too long, Tyler made the two of them get up and clean up after themselves. Pointedly ignoring the sticky white stains drying on the sheets, instead focusing on the mess of their bodies. “Tyler, fuck, look at me I’m covered in damn bruises!” But they both knew Josh was far from upset or angry, he found comfort in those marks as much as Tyler did – he felt that same belonging, that same love, he felt Tyler in each bruise.

“You look pretty in purple,” he commented, words light and airy as he rushed to the bathroom. Not before seeing Josh’s cheeks dusted with red and that pearly white smile.

 

 

 

 

 

They were gathered round a table, tucked away at the back of the restaurant. The table was filled with polite quiet conversation, surrounded by family and close friends. Josh and Tyler were beside each other, Mark sat opposite alongside Michael and Sam.

It was a gathering of everyone who really mattered, everyone who had been there for them. Breezy and Dallon sat hand in hand towards the end of the table, small smiles on their faces. Their families were all laughing, probably at some story one of them had told about the boys. The crew were laughing along with them, likely saving whatever bizarre story their families shared this time to use as a form of bribery on the next tour. “Okay, we have something we want to share,” Tyler started, voice wavering as he smiled at Josh.

Instantly the table fell silent, all eyes turning to them as conversation halted. “Is everything okay?” Laura asked in concern, looking around almost frantically making Josh laugh.

“If you let us finish you’ll find out,” he laughed, shaking his head fondly. “We have some brilliant news and we wanted to wait to tell everyone together, and when we knew it was definitely happening.”

“You’re pregnant!” Jordan shouted before bursting out laughing as Tyler and Josh tried not to laugh too hard.

Their parents actually seemed genuinely concerned for a second, but Tyler just sighed once he’d finished biting his lip to stop himself from laughing. “Can I tell you? Or shall me and Josh keep it to ourselves?” That silenced them, they watched with baited breath. “We’re playing Newport.”

“Oh my goodness!” Kelly squealed, jumping from her seat to pull the two boys into a hug, with Laura only seconds behind.

Soon enough everyone was trying to squeeze into the hug, it was quite a sight. There were various forms of congratulations from everyone, kind-hearted insults from Zach and Ashley and words that were spoken through soft touches. “I knew you boys could do it, congratulations,” Mark smiled once everyone had returned to their seats, giving the two of them a high-five before raising his glass to the boys.

“You helped us get there buddy,” Tyler smiled, pulling him in for half a hug and following his toast. The table followed suit, each and every one of them smiling wildly, smiling proudly.

“I just took some photos, pointed the camera where you told me to, you guys did all the hard work,” he disagreed, pushing Tyler playfully. “Now, I think the next round should be on the rock stars.”

It was.

 

 

 

 

 

Tyler was locked in the bathroom. And Josh hadn’t been this scared in months. “Tyler, Tyler, please let me in.” But he didn’t get a response. Just listened to the muffled sobbing from the other side. “Tyler, please baby let me in.”

His heart was heavy as he begged and begged. His whole chest felt _wrongwrongwrong_ and he wasn’t sure if the deadly mix of panic, pain and sadness was his or Tyler’s, or perhaps a mix of the two.

The only saving grace was the lack of pain on his wrists or thighs, no sign of self-harm. _Yet_. And Tyler had always been more adept with the bond, he wouldn’t be surprised if he had found a way to hide something like this. “Please baby, please let me know you’re okay.”

“I don’t want to talk to you,” Tyler sobbed, each word choked out and filled with pain. Each word a bullet that painfully hit Josh’s heart.

“Tyler, you kno-”

“I don’t want to hear it Josh! Just go away.” The words were venomous, the black shadow tightening its hold on Josh’s body. “Get out.”

A frown appeared on Josh’s face, “I’m not in.”

“Get out of my house,” He spat angrily, still sobbing uncontrollably.

“Ty-”

“I SAID GET OUT!” He screamed, each word shaking dangerously. Josh could feel everything Tyler felt, he hated himself with as much passion in that moment. He couldn’t even argue with him. Tyler was right to hate him, even without the bond Josh would hate himself for doing this to him.

If he could turn back time, he would. But unfortunately that was not an option. “I love you,” he sighed sadly, hoping Tyler would unlock the door and let him make him smile again.

That didn’t happen either.

He didn’t even acknowledge he’d heard him at all.

So Josh threw a few t-shirts in a bag, grabbed his phone and left. Calling out a sad goodbye before leaving that went ignored. He was dialling a familiar number in seconds, “Hey Jish, what’s up?” Mark greeted him cheerfully.

And without a moments warning Josh started crying. “I fucked up, oh Jesus, I messed up so bad. Tyler threw me out, I can’t, he. Please keep an eye on him. I can’t lose him again, please,” he cried, a debilitating panic filling his chest.

“I’ll head over right now, Josh, what did you do?” Mark was trying to sound calm and composed, but the severity of the situation was not lost on him. Not at all.

“Please don’t make me say it,” Josh said quietly, desperately.

“At least tell me how bad it is?”

“Pretty bad,” Josh started crying even heavier. “P-pretty f-fu-fucking bad. He’s in the bat-bathroom an-and I think he migh-might hurt hi-hi-himself again. Please. P-please make s-sure he d-doesn-doesn’t hur-hurt himself.”

Mark wished he could wave a magic wand and make it all alright again. “I’ll stay with him, he’s just stressed at the moment. You know that. Tomorrow he’ll feel completely differently.”

 

 

 

 

 

He didn’t.

When Josh woke up he felt that _angrypainfulsadness_ deep in his chest and cried. His mother heard his desperate sobs, rushing in to hold him close. “You gotta tell me what happened, please Joshie, so I can make it better.”

“It was a joke,” he cried into her shoulder. “Tyler and I were talking about the show and he asked what we could do to make the show even better.” As he paused to take a heaving breath Laura knew what was coming, she knew Josh’s humour and Tyler’s self-doubt didn’t always see eye to eye. This was another one of those times. “And I said get another singer.”

“Joshie,” she whispered softly, rocking him.

“Momma, his face. I never want to see him look at me like that again. He was so very sad, and his eyes filled with tears. And it felt like forever, he just looked at me with that pain on his face before sprinting out the room, I’ll never forget it.”

Her heart broke at the sight of her first child in so much pain, she wanted nothing more than to kiss that pain away. “Honey, it’ll be okay. You two are meant to be, he just needs a bit of time.”

“I was so stupid, oh god, why did I say that? I know he’s anxious, he’s so nervous about the show, this one more than all the others, so fragile anyway. Momma, what if he hurts himself again. It’ll be my fault.” All Laura could do was hold him until he cried himself to sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

Tyler hadn’t slept a wink. (Except for maybe an hour after Mark had bribed him out of the bathroom.) If his own hurt wasn’t enough, he could feel Josh’s pain and despair swirling round his gut. It never ceased, even in Josh’s fitful slumber Tyler felt every single twinge of guilt and pain and regret that haunted his soulmates nightmares. Glimpses of those dark dreams shot through the bond, scaring Tyler from sleep even more than before.

“He didn’t mean it you know,” Mark commented sadly, he was editing some photos on his laptop and pointedly ignoring the eyes trained on his face.

“I know,” Tyler’s voice was quiet as he responded, because he _knew_ Josh didn’t mean it. Josh would never ever hurt him intentionally, it’s just not something he’s capable of. But Tyler was hurt. And sometimes that is hard to look past. “Why does it hurt so much?”

He almost hoped Mark wouldn’t hear his tiny voice. But he did. “Because you love him. And you’re afraid. Afraid that he’ll hurt you, that he’ll leave, that somehow things will all go wrong. You’re terrified that you’ll mess up, that you’ll relapse, that things will be your fault. But you need to trust him, you’ve got so much better, but Josh needs to know. You need to tell him everything.” At Mark’s words Tyler began sniffling again sadly. “Tyler, he loves you more than anything. You two idiots are meant to be and he’d never hurt you intentionally. You guys will come out of this closer than ever, I know it, but you have to learn from this.”

As these words echoed in his mind he couldn’t help but burst into tears, the sobs wracking his whole body. “I need to see him, I gotta,” he cried, stumbling to his feet and tripping after only a few steps. He somehow managed to shatter a glass, the shards digging painfully into exposed skin.

“Jesus Tyler,” Mark shouted, jumping to help Tyler to his feet. “I had one job,” he muttered.

“Job?” Tyler whimpered as he was led to the kitchen.

Mark hummed absentmindedly, wetting a towel to start cleaning up the blood and remove the glass. “Josh asked me to make sure you didn’t hurt yourself,” he commented.

A small whine escaped Tyler’s throat as Mark pulled out the first piece of glass, “oh.”

“He really loves you,” Mark laughed, “I know it’s not completely sunk in yet. Maybe you’re waiting for him to change his mind. But he _is_ your soulmate, you are the literal definition of meant to be.” A soft blush spread across Tyler’s face, small whimpers escaping his mouth.

Because they were.

And he knew it.

 

 

 

 

 

He let out a broken shriek, Momma Dun rushing to his side as he cradled his arm. “What’s wrong baby?” His family gathered around him with looks of concern, “Joshie.”

“He’s hurt,” he gasped, “Momma, he hurt himself.”

“He may not have, it may have been an accident,” but those words fell on deaf ears.

“I gotta go and see him, I need to make sure he’s okay,” Josh got to his feet, swaying unsteadily as he did so.

Jordan grabbed the car keys before Josh got the chance. “how about I drive you down?”

A shaky sigh of relief fell from his lips, “okay. Thank you.”

The drive was silent, Josh was taking shaky breaths and trying not to freak out. But every few seconds he felt a painful pinch of his skin and the sensation of _something_ ~~please God not blood~~ trickling down skin. “He’s going to be okay.”

“What if it’s not though?”

“I don’t know what it’s going to take for you two to finally have a little faith.”

“It was all going so well, I just, now it’s going downhill,” Josh’s voice was strained.

Jordan shook his head, reaching over to squeeze Josh’s leg comfortingly, “life is full of ups and downs. This is just one of them. Not even days ago you two were all over each other, you were like two excited little puppies thinking about the show and what it means for the band and both of you. This is just a dip. So maybe a bigger one than most people, but then the two of you do go big or go home.”

There was no response from Josh, not that Jordan was expecting one, because he pulled up outside the apartment and Josh was up and out of the car before it had even stopped moving. He was desperately trying to think happy thoughts, to reach out and comfort Tyler through their bond but his panic was crippling and it felt as though Tyler was trying to lock him out. Or something.

None of that seemed to matter as he fell through the door to their apartment, “Tyler? Ty are you okay? Please be okay?” He called out, not noticing the shards of glass on the floor or spots of blood on the table.

“Josh?” Tyler’s soft voice sounded from the kitchen, without a moment’s hesitation Josh ran in.

“I’m so sorry,” he cried, pulling Tyler into a hug and pressing his lips to his cheek before drawing back to assess the damage. “What happened? Are you okay?”

Tyler has his face pressed into Josh’s shirt, crying softly, so Josh turned to Mark expectantly. “he was on his way to see you, and he fell over. The glass smashed and his arm broke his fall, but they’re all shallow cuts. Nothing to worry about. Just keep an eye on them to make sure they don’t get infected.”

He pressed a relieved kiss to Tyler’s head before smiling back at Mark, “thank you Mark.” With his sigh it was like all the tension faded away, the weight of the world disappeared and he just had Tyler.

Warm, soft Tyler. With the warm body in his arms he felt _home_ , he felt _complete_. “I think I’ll let you two have some time. Text me.”

“Can you tell Jordan he can leave?” Josh asked, Mark merely nodded. Not that Josh or Tyler noticed, they were completely engrossed in each other. Quiet tears rolling down their faces. Gently Josh brushed away on falling jewel, smiling sadly at Tyler. “I am so sorry.”

_Me too._

“No Ty, you have nothing to be sorry for. I shouldn’t have said that, it was out of line-”

“It was a joke Josh, you were joking. I overreacted. I’m sorry, but sometimes I’m not okay. I guess, I don’t know, things didn’t feel right. I was nervous, scared. I’m always scared.”

Josh connected their lips for a slow kiss, infused with love, “you don’t have to be scared when I’m by your side Ty. I’ll always protect you, always love you.”

 _I’m scared I’ll lose you._ As Tyler spoke these words through the bond he began crying again, his body shaking in Josh’s arms.

“No Tyler, you’ll never lose me. I promised you before. I told you I’ll be here until you get sick of me and kick me out, I love you so much it hurts Tyler and I can’t imagine a life without you baby. You don’t need to worry.”

“I’m sorry,” he cried into Josh’s chest.

Carefully Josh pulled Tyler up, carrying him to the bedroom. “Don’t be sorry. Come on baby, let’s get some sleep.” He heard a muffled response against his chest, before setting Tyler down carefully. “I’m not letting you go Tyler, not ever,” he whispered softly when he climbed into bed beside Tyler.

_I love you Josh._

_I love you Tyler._

 

 

 

 

 

“So you think, you think this is good?” Tyler asked again, for like the hundredth time.

“I think it is perfect Ty,” Josh laughed, kissing his cheek. “Everything you do is perfect though, so it’s hardly a surprise.”

He loved watching the blush spread across Tyler’s cheeks, and see him attempt to hide his face, ducking down with a sheepish smile. “You sound better than ever,” he commented quietly.

The smile on Josh’s face was blinding, splitting his face in two, “it’s all that working out I do.”

Tyler barked out a laugh, nearly falling off the piano stool, “the only working out you do is walking to Taco Bell.”

“I am offended,” Josh cried out, leaning over to tickle Tyler who shrieked and jumped back. “Take it back you monster!”

“No!” Tyler shouted, wriggling free from Josh’s strong grip and running off. The stage was filled with the echoes of laughter, the two boys were oblivious to the eyes of the crew who were watching on in amusement.

Mark had the camera out, filming the two boys mess about instead of the practise they were supposed to be doing. Eventually Josh managed to get Tyler to the ground, straddling him and pinning him to the ground. “Surrender?” Josh suggested.

“What’s in it for me?” There was a warm glow in his eyes, Josh felt melted honey drip in his stomach beside that familiar coil.

He leant down, lips brushing against Tyler’s, “I think I’ll make it worth your time.” Each word was a whispered breath, so painfully close to a kiss.

“It sounds promising,” Tyler smiled, before spinning them round, “but I think I’ll have to decline.” And then he began to attack Josh, tickling him as he kept him pinned down.

Josh was thrashing around, shouting about Tyler being a “cheat” and that “there will be no sex for a week Tyler” between hysterical laughter and heaved breaths. “I hate you,” he pouted when Tyler finally gave up.

The musical giggles that bubbled from Tyler’s mouth like blossoming flowers made Josh’s heart fly, “no you don’t.” Tyler smiled up at him, pressing their lips together.

“Maybe I don’t,” Josh agreed, pulling Tyler in to deepen the kiss. “But we really should actually rehearse.”

With those words Tyler jumped to his feet and ran to grab his ukulele, leaving Josh to smile happily at the place he had occupied. “We told you it would all work out,” Mark commented, patting Josh’s shoulder comfortingly.

He nodded, watching Tyler set up, the way he bit his lip in concentration and the spasmic but purposeful movements he made, “you did.”

 

 

 

 

They lay together, a mess of tangled limbs, already sweaty and stuck together. “Not cleaning up?” Tyler asked, voice a little raspy.

“We might go another round yet,” Josh laughed, kissing Tyler’s cheek.

“One can hope,” Tyler pressed his kiss to Josh’s head, smiling into the brown locks. “Thank you.” _For staying._

Whether those words were meant to drift across the bond was unclear, but Josh chose to remain just as unclear. “Always.”

Rain was pattering outside, a rhythmic beat against their window. The golden glow of streetlights and stars, the silver light of the moon, casting shadows across their skin. They were a masterpiece, and both of them saw it in the other.

Tyler saw the deep colours of Josh’s eyes, the wisdom that hid there, the heart he put into everything. He saw the pale skin, a blank canvas waiting to be littered with symbols of love, for Tyler, for faith, for fans. He saw the rise and fall of Josh’s chest, another rhythm that soothed him alongside the beat of the rain.

Josh saw it against the tanned skin, the golden hue making it shine brighter than ever before. He saw it in the scars that seemed to glow before him, a reminder of all they got through, all they are getting through. He saw it in the swirling browns of Tyler’s eyes, a mixture of honey and hazel and chocolate that rivalled the colours of the night sky and the galaxies.

Together they were more beautiful than they realised. A tangled mess of imperfections, of reminders of love and pain and beauty and ugliness, of right and wrong and bright and dark. They embodied it all. They embodied life as they lay together, moved together, breathed together.

Without even realising it Tyler found himself above Josh, smiling as he pressed their lips together. “That third round?”

“Sounds perfect,” Josh laughed, hands reaching up to touch smooth skin. They moved in a practised ease, moving with a purpose that only two practised lovers could gain.

 

 

 

 

 

“You ready for this?” Josh asked, looking up with that blinding smile. For a second Tyler forgot to breathe, forgot there was a question to be answered at all. “Ty?”

“Yeah, I’ve got you by my side,” he smiled, nudging their feet together. There was a nervous energy bubbling around them, the hustle and bustle had quietened.

It was fast approaching the time to go on stage. It felt like forever and a blink of the eye at the same time. “It’s the same as any other show,” Josh reminded him, sensing Tyler’s increasing discomfort before even Tyler had. Effectively quelling the fire before it had begun to burn.

“You and I both know it is different,” Tyler sighed, reaching over to steal one of Josh’s crisps. Though Josh had long stopped seeing _his_ and _Tyler’s_ it was _ours_. And if Tyler stopped to think about he saw that too. “Labels are coming,” he whispered, voice a mixture of fear and awe.

“They’re coming for a reason Ty. We’ll give them everything we’ve got, but that’s what we do every show. This is no different, not unless we make it that way.” He took Tyler’s hand in his, rubbing circles into the skin there. “You’re going to knock their socks off, and if they don’t want to sign us then maybe the world just isn’t ready for your kind of genius. But we sold out the Newport Ty, Newport – that doesn’t happen by accident.”

Tyler nodded, smiling, “you’re getting good at this.”

“What?”

There was a half-hearted shrug in response trying to demonstrate a nonchalance that wasn’t really present, “encouraging me, making me feel better, knowing what to say.”

Josh’s response was to lean across the table to lock their lips together, “always, you know that. You’re not half bad at those things either you know.”

“I’m not as good as you though,” Tyler smiled into the next kiss, the intimate moment ruined by Mark running through the door.

“You guys have 10 minutes.” They didn’t respond, just took deep breaths, Tyler held onto Josh’s hand tightly. Right up until they reached the stage doors.

They stood beside each other in silence, energy pulsing through their bodies. They could hear the screaming crowd, could feel the passion in the room. “They just want us. In all our crazy glory. Don’t ever sacrifice yourself for the sake of fame or success,” Josh said into his ear, they kissed once more.

With Josh ignoring the way Tyler desperately clung to him when he pulled back, and how he had to nearly pry those long tan fingers from his shirt before heading out, they separated. They both knew that this show would be something special.

This show would be the best they’d ever done.

And it was.

Oh boy, it was.


	9. Chapter 9

This was the third record label that had approached them, and any other band would be jumping for joy. But Tyler couldn’t find it in him to even smile.

“You guys could be the next Mumford and Sons,” the executive continued, a wave of nausea washed over Tyler. One look at Josh told him he felt the exact same way, his face was carefully emotionless as he listened to this man ramble on about something he clearly did not understand.

Tyler shook his head, refusing to let this madness go on, “that song isn’t us. It’s just something I wrote in a parking lot for my Mum, it’s hardly the song that encapsulates our band. That’s just not the sound we’ll stick with.”

“What you don’t understand Mr Joseph, is that the music industry is full of formulas. You could be big, we could be looking at the next Lumineers, or Of Monsters and Men, a few tweaks here and there and a move towards the sound of ‘House of Gold’ and we’re set for success.”

An anger burnt through his veins that came straight from Josh, who had his hands clenched into fists by his side, “and what you don’t understand is that we got to where we are on our own. We have a group of dedicated fans and we don’t need your fake sounds to get success. That’s not what we’re looking for.”

“We’re talking about a lot of money here, you boys would be touring the world within the year.”

“And I’m saying we don’t care,” Tyler snapped, grabbing his coat and leaving. Josh followed on after, not before shooting the pretentious money-grabbing asshole an angry glare.

 

 

 

 

 

“The nerve of these people!” Josh shouted, waving his arms about as he paced their living room. “To think it’s all about the money, can’t they see what we’re about. Do they listen at all?”

Tyler sighed sadly, looking up from his position on the couch. “I didn’t think it would be this hard, we were supposed to hit it big. This was supposed to be when it all changed. It’s only got harder.”

There was a tone of resignation that put Josh on edge, “it will Ty, we’re just waiting for the right deal. Twenty one pilots, remember?”

A small smile was tugging at his lips before he let out a sigh, “I just, sometimes I feel like there isn’t a label out there for us.”

Josh sat beside him, taking a hand in his, “there will be. We will find a way. And if one doesn’t show up then me and you can start our own label.” At this Tyler’s smile grew, he leant into Josh side and smiled into his skin.

“I like it,” he giggled softly.

“Mhmm, then you can be my boss,” Josh laughed and pressed a kiss to Tyler’s head.

Tyler turned to look at him, something gleaming in those hazel eyes, “you want me to be your boss?” His voice held a teasing tone, but there was something more there, an offer of something new.

The question made Josh think, evaluate, consider, before settling on a small shrug and focusing on the rings of dried coffee on the table in front of him.

“It’s okay if you do, we can try it out baby, anything to make you happy,” Tyler drawled, fingers skimming across Josh’s chest in a way that had his heart fluttering manically. But he found himself shaking his head at the offer frantically, a look of pure fear on his face. “Shh, it’s okay baby, we’ll start slow hm.”

“Ty, I, but, what if,” Josh stammered, anxiety gripping at his throat.

But his words were cut off with a gentle kiss, “it’s okay baby, we won’t do anything like that. But we’re already skirting the edges, if you’re uncomfortable you can tell me and I’ll stop. Anytime.”

Josh was melting under Tyler’s touch and his honey eyes that dripped with lust and love and adoration. “I’m scared.”

Tyler couldn’t say he understood this fear, just like Josh’s strange reaction to the whole daddy kink thing, but he understood _fear_ and he didn’t want his baby scared. “You don’t have to be scared when I’m by your side,” he whispered, watching Josh’s grin grow.

“I think I’ve heard that somewhere else,” he laughed softly, running a hand through his hair.

“Yeah, the smartest guy I know told me,” Tyler shrugged, leaning in to kiss Josh slowly, letting one hand trail down the growing tattoo.

His lips were met eagerly, hungrily even, “you must not know many smart people,” Josh whispered into the kiss. Tyler ignored his words, but made sure Josh felt more love in that moment than ever before.

 

 

 

 

 

Josh was laughing, his eyes crinkling at the sides and his hands wrapped around the cup of coffee Tyler had picked for him. “Thanks for this,” he smiled once the laughter had subsided.

“Any time Josh,” Tyler beamed back at him. “Now, I’m gunna respond to some emails and you’re going to think about sick drum beats and enjoy your coffee.”

Laughter bubbled up out of Josh again, “sir yes sir,” he giggled, nudging Tyler’s foot under the table. _Love you baby boy._

Tyler’s smile was blinding, crooked teeth on display as his eyes glowed happily, _love you too sweetheart_. And then he returned to his phone, scrolling through the countless emails, and Josh watched Tyler with a smile, sipping at the sweet coffee as he did so.

He could get lost in Tyler. In his rosy cheeks and the smiles that tugged at his lips, the way his eyes showed every inch of his emotion. He couldn’t help but notice how cute Tyler was, wrapped up in a scarf, his hoodie hanging off his slim body, a beanie abandoned on the table. _You have sex hair_.

 _Shut up_ , but the voice was tinted with humour. _It is not sex hair_.

“Looks like it,” Josh whispered with a smile, watching Tyler shake his head softly and continue going through emails. The thing is Josh was bored, and his phone was close to being dead and Tyler was clearly busy.

But then he thought of something.

That time they went to get ice-cream, way back when their relationship was still growing, and Tyler had teased and teased ‘till Josh was practically exploding. “I’m gunna go see what food they have,” Josh informed him, receiving a hummed approval.

Unfortunately, he couldn’t get ice-cream, but there was some sort of tart that had so much whipped cream on that Josh was practically drooling. And strawberries. In the back of his mind he knew this would help with the whole ‘arouse Tyler and stop being bored’ plan, but it also looked fucking delicious.

So it really was a win/win situation. _Want anything?_ The silence in response was answer enough, when he glanced back Tyler was completely engrossed in whatever he was typing. Josh decided to just bring two spoons back to the table, so if Ty really was hungry they could share.

“What did you get?” Tyler asked, still not looking up.

“I think it’s a strawberry tart, I dunno,” he shrugged, frowning when Tyler didn’t look up. He started eating slowly, savouring every bite, and the breathy sigh that escaped his lips wasn’t forced in the slightest.

Though, it did get Tyler’s attention. Not that Josh noticed. Tyler looked up through his lashes to see Josh getting every morsel off the spoon, sucking it dry. He could see his tongue running under the bottom of the spoon, the whipped cream sticking to his lips.

The sight had him shuffling in his seat, his dick twitching with interest. He remained glued to the unaware Josh until the tart had gone, Josh licking his lips with a smile. “You done?” Tyler’s voice cracked a little, making Josh squint in confusion.

“Uh, yeah I guess.”

“We’re going then,” Tyler snapped, grabbing Josh’s arm and pulling him out of the door.

“You left your beanie,” Josh pointed out, voice quiet and unsure.

Tyler just shrugged, “I’ll buy another one.” The coffee shop was only a short walk from their apartment, but Tyler had them nearly running back. Pushing Josh through the door and jumping in after him, locking their lips together as soon as the door had closed. “You taste so sweet,” Tyler gasped, letting his tongue run across Josh’s lips.

“Is this why we left?” Josh laughed a little, letting his head fall against the wall.

The way Tyler pressed up against him desperately would say yes, yes it was. He could feel Tyler’s dick growing harder against his thigh, his own cock showing an interest in what was going on. “You looked so damn pretty,” Tyler growled, kissing those lips again and slipping his tongue into Josh’s mouth.

His sweet taste made even sweeter by the strawberries and cream, that left Tyler wanting _moremoremore_ , left him hungry to taste more of Josh. So he did.

He dropped to his knees, hands at Josh’s jeans before Josh had even registered the kiss had stopped. Tyler wasn’t taking his time, pulling the boxers down with his jeans and admiring Josh’s half-hard dick for a second before taking it in his mouth. Letting his tongue swirl around the tip, caress the underneath of his cock just like Josh had done with that damn spoon.

Feeling Josh harden in his mouth made his dick twitch painfully within the confines of his jeans. Josh’s hands moved to grab his hair, pulling at the soft strands and causing Tyler to moan around his dick. “God, love you Ty, your lips feel so good. You’re so good at this,” he babbled as Tyler worked his dick like a damn pro. Fingers were running across his thighs, gentle circles and swirling patterns up and around his stomach, his ass, his thighs. It all felt so good and Josh was so lost in the intense consuming pleasure that the orgasm seemed to come from nowhere. He shouted in surprise and pleasure as he shot into Tyler’s mouth.

And Tyler swallowed every last drop, licking his lips with a smile. “So sweet,” he whispered, voice a little hoarse. Josh couldn’t help but laugh a little, pulling Tyler up and into a kiss. Hands bunched up in Tyler’s shirt as he held him as close as possible.

“Let me help you with that,” Josh murmured softly as his knee pressed against Tyler’s straining erection. The desperate whine was answer enough, Josh dropped to his knees in a similar fashion to Tyler. Though he decided to take his time, slowly pulling Tyler’s jeans down and watching on lustfully as Tyler’s dick pressed against the fabric of his boxers, precum leaving a wet stain. “Beautiful,” he whispered, pulling the boxers down and letting Tyler’s dick jump free.

 _You’re the beautiful one._ Even Tyler’s thoughts were sporadic, forced, desperate and Josh loved it. He loved knowing he was the cause of all that, that he would be the one to fix it.

He leant in, ghosting his lips against Tyler’s cock, pressing a teasing kiss to the base before moving to sink his teeth into tan thighs. He sucked dark bruises there, where no one would see, but he would _know_ they were there.

When he was happy with the trail of purple marks down Tyler’s thighs, he finally returned to Tyler’s cock. By this point Ty was painfully hard, his cock a deep red and precum glistening on the tip. “Fuck my mouth Ty baby, do it,” Josh invited, looking up innocently.

Tyler didn’t need to be told twice, his hands gripped Josh’s hair, just long enough to wrap around his fingers, just long enough to abuse. Josh’s current pace was agonisingly slow, he was barely going halfway, his lips loose around Tyler’s throbbing dick.

 

He knew it would be enough to push Tyler over the edge. To force him to take control in the way Josh needed.

And it did.

With something that sounded like a growl, but bordered on a moan, Tyler began thrusting into Josh’s mouth. Meeting each weak attempt at taking him in, he felt his cock touch the back of Josh’s throat, felt the muscles there contract around him. As Josh attempted to swallow Tyler let out an obscene moan, gripping his hair tighter and trying to get even deeper into that wet warm pleasure.

“I’m gunna cum baby,” Tyler warned, grip not loosening as his thrusts became erratic. With an affirmative hum Josh began working Tyler, sucking and licking and swallowing as he bobbed his head. Tyler came with a cry of Josh’s name, pulling Josh flush to his stomach.

Josh swallowed every last bit, just like Tyler had, with a smile. He blinked up innocently, admiring Tyler’s flushed cheeks and heavy breathing, just as Tyler was admiring Josh’s red cheeks and swollen lips.

“God, you’re so pretty,” Tyler laughed, pulling Josh in for a kiss.

“I could say the same about you,” Josh smiled, breaking the kiss for a moment before diving back in. “Now as much as I love tasting you, I’m going to brush my teeth.”

Tyler feigned offence, grabbing at his chest dramatically, “that one hurt Joshie, I’m wounded.”

“You love me really,” there was a quick kiss to his cheek before he was bounding off to the bathroom, with Tyler following with a soft smile.

 

 

 

 

 

Josh was curled up in Tyler’s side, hands locked together as they watched some shitty romance that Tyler found way more interesting than Josh did. He could try and deny it, but Josh could feel the sadness thrumming under his bond. Barely there.

But the main couple just broke up, and Ty was trying not to cry, despite knowing it would end happily. And Josh was trying not to laugh, because Tyler looked adorable and it was hard not to giggle at it all.

Fingers were twisting his hair, absently fiddling as they watched the TV, a bowl of snacks were abandoned on the table besides a bottle of beer for Josh and a fizzy soda for Tyler. The moment of serenity and comfort and something domestically intimate, was ruined by Tyler’s phone ringing.

He shot up from his place, causing Josh to fall to the sofa with a pout, he let out a strained laugh before answering the phone. “Hello?”

“Is this Mr Joseph?”

“Yeah, can I ask who this is?” He gave Josh an attempt at a comforting smile, but it failed. It was clear that Josh was interested in whomever was calling and when Tyler tried to leave, it was Josh’s grip on his wrist that stopped him.

“It’s Mr Godfrey, from Fueled By Ramen. I wanted to organise a meeting, to talk about potentially signing you.”

Tyler felt his breath hitch in his throat, he felt sick to his stomach in the best of ways, “of course, we can make it work. When would be best for you?”

“Well, Mr Joseph would Friday work for you and Mr Dun? At about 10AM, in New York.”

“New York,” his voice squeaked, suddenly trying to figure out how they’d get there.

Josh was prodding with interest at their bond, trying to figure out what was going on, but Tyler was managing to shroud some things. To divert him with different ideas and thoughts and feelings. “Of course we’d provide the plane tickets. We’re very keen to welcome you to our family, there’s many details I know you’ll want to talk through but I think that’s best done in person for all of us to get what we want.”

“Yeah, uh, that sounds great Mr Godfrey.”

A small laugh was heard from the phone, “call me Shaun. I’ll get those tickets emailed over, I look forward to seeing you Mr Joseph.” And with that the man hung up.

The smile wormed it’s way onto his face without his consent. “Who was it?” Josh asked, tugging at Tyler’s t-shirt.

“How do you feel about a trip to New York?”

“We can’t afford that Tyler,” Josh sighed sadly, feeling as if he’d let his boyfriend down.

But Tyler’s musical laughter made him look up again, “I think that’s covered.”

Josh’s face contorted in confusion, “what are you talking about?”

“We’re flying to New York for a label meeting,” Tyler reported excitedly, smile growing impossibly bigger. That warm feeling of hope was growing in their guts, spreading through their bond like a warm sea lapping at the edges. “I think this might be the one.”

“New York?” As Tyler nodded Josh jumped up in happiness, “this is amazing Ty! If they’re paying for us to go, they must really like us. Who is it?”

That crooked smile made Josh’s heart melt, made it difficult to breathe or to focus on the words coming from those perfect lips. “Fueled By Ramen,” he whispered the words carefully.

Josh nearly passed out. “Oh my god, Jesus, wow. Tyler, Fall Out Boy are signed to that label! Panic! At The Disco are on that label.”

“You mean that band Brendon started after abandoning Dallon.”

An expression of shame passed over Josh’s face, “yeah. Uh, you gotta remember Brendon’s my friend and has been for a long time.”

Tyler shook his head, “I know you’ve been keeping in touch with him Josh. I’m not stupid. I’ve listened to their music, it’s not half bad. Just don’t tell Dall, that’s why he moved away you know. Everywhere reminded him of Brendon.” Josh nodded slowly, a sadness drifting through him at the thought.

It had been sad to see Dallon go, but he was much happier now. Him and Breezy were living together, healing together. They’d been forced to leave, scared away by happy memories of Brendon and terrified by the awful memories. Friends and family would brag proudly about where Brendon is now, with his new boyfriend, his new band, his new life.

“But, don’t let that distract us, we’re celebrating,” Tyler smiled, nudging Josh playfully. “We could get signed.”

The sadness faded, replaced with that warm hope and bubbling happiness, “we could get signed,” Josh said quietly, smiling as he pulled Tyler into his arms. “How about we finish watching this dumb movie?”

“I think that sounds great,” Tyler pressed a quick kiss to his lips, smiling as their lips connected. Thoughts of this new future echoing in his mind.

 

 

 

 

 

“Tyler! Have you seen my hat?” Josh shouted, throwing shirts on to the bed as he frantically searched for the hat.

“It’s by the oven,” Tyler’s voice called out, “we do have only 10 minutes.”

“I know!” Josh shouted out, scrambling to his feet as he ran to the kitchen. Tyler was stood there with a small smile, Josh’s hat in his hand. “Thanks baby boy,” Josh sighed, leaning in to kiss him.

“Stop stressing, it’s one long weekend. It’s not the end of the world if you haven’t packed something. You good to go?”

Josh checked the house once more, insisting on opening the suitcase and triple checking what they’d packed, whilst Tyler watched on in amusement. “Okay, okay, I think we can go.”

“Do you have your phone?” Tyler watched Josh’s face fall as he ran back to the bedroom, returning with his phone and a sheepish smile. “Now we can go.” Their hands were locked together as they left the house, Josh dragging the suitcase.

It had been a mad rush to pack in time, and Josh was panicking. Though he was attempting to deny it, Tyler could feel the panic rising inside of Josh, a looming cloud of crippling panic. A panic attack was fast approaching and only through pure stubbornness was Josh pushing it back. “We good to go?” He asked once they’d got into the car, looking over at Tyler from behind the wheel.

Despite recognising Tyler’s moving lips, he was distracted by just how gorgeous he looked. The rising sun was casting an orange-pink glow on his face, peach lips plump and wet, his tongue peeking out to wet those lips periodically. That spark in his eyes was Josh’s favourite thing to see, the hope and the happiness and the love that they’d slowly and lovingly tended to, to see it there now burning strong in those hazel eyes.

“Josh!” Tyler laughed, slapping his arm, “stop staring and drive.”

A blush blossomed on his face, as he leant over to kiss Tyler once more. “Okay, sorry, but it is not my fault you are so damn beautiful.”

“I’m not beautiful,” he murmured, cheeks turning a similar colour to Josh’s.

“Let’s agree to disagree angel, but we do need to get going. I don’t want to be late.”

 

 

 

 

 

Tyler was leaning against Josh, phone pressed to his ear as he babbled on to Mark about some idea for a music video or something like that. Honestly, Josh was just trying to remember to breathe as he attempted to distract himself by texting everyone he could think of.

The airport was filled with the hustle and bustle of busy lives, business men marching around in suits full of self-importance, families excitedly shouting and laughing before going on holiday. There were couples, much like him and Tyler, cuddled in embraces and sharing sweet kisses. There were smiles, there were tears, there were hundreds of people going about their life.

And here he was, about to get on a plane and fly to New York. About to have a possibly life-changing meeting. Here he was with the love of his life leaning comfortably into his side, languidly spread out against him. Here he was battling a panic-attack with memories of Tyler and sweet kisses and embraces and TV nights.

“Boarding for Flight 34AJX is starting.” Not for the first time Josh checked the ticket, reading the flight number he’d already memorised.

“Ty, Ty, this is ours,” he whispered, trying to move from beneath Tyler without leaving him to drop to the ground. “Tyler,” he whined.

“Our flight’s boarding Mark, I’ll call you when we get back.” Tyler hung up quickly, giving Josh a calming smile. “Come on then Dog Breath,” their hands found their way to each other without conscious thought, but feeling the heavy warm presence of Tyler’s hand Josh found breathing much easier.

It was a quick process getting to the plane, throwing their hand luggage above them and falling into their seats before they could register it. The time had passed in a haze, a jumble of greetings and explanations and handing things over and getting things back. Josh trusted Tyler with every part of it. “You want the window seat?” Tyler offered, feeling a wave of pride when he felt Josh’s relief surge through him.

“Thanks,” Josh sighed, gripping Tyler’s hand as soon as he had sat down as well. They stayed in silence, it didn’t feel like long until the plane started making its way shakily to the runway. The words of the pilot and safety talks breezed by, despite Josh’s intense gaze it went in one ear and out the other.

It was as the flight was starting, the plane picking up speed, that Tyler truly noticed Josh’s vice grip on both his hand and the armrest. His face was a sickly pale, sweat gathering on his forehead, breaths coming in short gasps.

The panic attack he’d been holding off this whole time finally making its appearance. “Josh, Joshie, it’s okay, I’m right here. Focus on me, my breaths,” he said calmly.

“I can’t, I can’t Ty,” his voice was tinged with hysterics, completely terrified. One hand came up to claw at his throat, eyes filled with petrified tears.

“Jish, Jish, you’re okay. You’re good here. I’m right next to you okay,” he placed Josh’s hand on his chest, “follow my breaths, in and out with me Joshie.”

To his credit he really tried, heaving and shaking breaths, but it was agonising even for Tyler. He tried his best to send over calming thoughts, not to let his own fear or concern seep through the bond, instead only allowing calm and relaxing thoughts to go through the bond.

And it worked. It was Tyler’s steady heart, even breaths and thoughts that allowed Josh to breathe properly again. “Thank you, thank you,” he muttered, leaning in to press kisses to the side of Tyler’s face.

“You’re good baby, come here,” he pulled Josh to lean against him, hands running through his hair.

He felt home, he felt safe. “I’m so excited Ty. We’re having a weekend away, our lives could change after this meeting.”

Tyler smiled into Josh’s hair, “they will change. But we’re making the most of these days out in New York, I’m treating my baby right.” Josh giggled softly, pushing back into his warmth. “I have a good feeling about this weekend Josh.”

“Me too.” They stayed like that, Tyler carding through his hair and rubbing at his arm. In any other setting it may have been arousing, but it was just comforting, it was intimate, it was lovely. “Will you sing to me?” Josh asked, voice slurred and sleepily.

It made Tyler break out into a smile, “anything for you sweetheart.” He sang softly, calming words and melodies that sent Josh into a peaceful sleep. He’d been expecting it since the panic attack started, they always take a lot out of Josh and one of that severity was sure to leave him exhausted.

“Is everything alright here?” A stewardess asked, perhaps noticing the tear tracks on Josh’s sleeping face.

Tyler nodding, responding in a hushed whisper, “just a panic attack, wore him out.”

“Shall I get some water for when he wakes up?”

“That would be brilliant,” Tyler smiled.

“Of course and anything for you?”

Tyler let his gaze settle on the boy beside him, laying in his lap, “yeah, just a water for me and a pack of Doritos.” She nodded with a smile and went to get the products, returning them silently but speaking thanks with her eyes.

 

 

 

 

 

When Josh slowly woke up it was to a napping Tyler, a hand still in his hair and another on his arm. He felt safe and loved and forgot for a moment they were on a plane, until the plane shuddered. Terror shot through him, his hand going to grip Tyler’s shirt tightly. “Ty? Ty, you awake?”

A tired hum came from Tyler, his eyes remained shut, “wha?”

“Ty, you awake baby boy?” His voice was small and shaky, the fear nibbling at the edges.

“Yeah. Y’okay?” Tyler slurred, hands beginning to move in that way that made him so comfortable earlier.

“Scared,” Josh whispers, biting his lip.

“Don’t be baby, we’re almost there. Not much left now. Some Doritos in the pocket of the chair in front of me.” Josh’s whole face lit up and Tyler could feel the smile even with his eyes closed.

He could feel him twisting around to grab the Doritos before settling back into his lap, “you’re the best boyfriend ever.” He was already shovelling the food into his mouth, leaving Tyler to laugh airily as he woke up fully. “Thanks for taking care of me.”

“Always baby,” Tyler promised, kissing Josh’s forehead. “Now give me some Doritos.”

The remainder of the flight was filled with happy conversation and hushed laughter, loving kisses and sacred touches. Strangely, Josh didn’t feel so scared. In fact, the thought of flying was almost enjoyable, especially when Tyler started pointing things out of the window (“that’s a purple-speckled titbird”, “Tyler, that’s not a thing,” “is too”.)

Even the descent went without too much hassle, Tyler came out with an aching hand and finger nail marks he attempted to hide from a slightly pale Josh, but it was better than the awful panic attack from earlier. “Welcome to New York,” Tyler smiled, opening his arms wide.

“Welcome to New York,” Josh echoed, wrapping himself around Tyler and letting their lips meet for a chaste kiss.

 

 

 

 

 

The office was big and tall and with the dark grey cloud and the grey rain Josh couldn’t help but feel intimidated. Even Tyler’s confidence was faltering, fingers twitching without his consent until Josh wrapped his own hand around them. “We’re going to be fine.”

They ended up waiting for 5 minutes. There was gentle music playing in the background, a muted TV on the news station, a fish tank that had Tyler enraptured and Josh trying not to giggle. Their initial worry, that hint of fear, seemed to fade in that room as their minds relaxed. “Mr Joseph, Mr Dun if you’ll kindly follow me.” The receptionist led them to another office down enough corridors for that fear to ratchet up again.

“Thank you,” Tyler smiled shakily before entering the room. “Mr Godfrey I assume.”

“I told you just to call me Shaun, I don’t think we need all those formalities.” Regardless, he shook both their hands before waving to the seats opposite him. “Now, before we start talking let me just say I am desperate to sign you boys. Your music is new, it’s different, it’s exactly what we need. You sold out the Newport solo, you’ve created a strong fan base solo, you’ve written and distributed music solo. As far as I’m concerned, we’re here to guide you. We would be here to fund you, to help you get out to more people, to encourage radio play and promotion opportunities. But I trust the two of you, after all, you made it this far.”

One look from Josh and Tyler knew this was the one, they both did. It was exactly the creative freedom they desired. “So, you’d be like-”

“I’d view us as your parents. We’re there to nurture, to offer financial aid, to make sure things are going okay. A base for you to fall back on, someone to encourage you if things are getting touch.”

It was as if he were a mind-reader, as if he’d sat in every meeting they’d attended so far and actually _listened_ to what they were asking for. “And single wise?”

Shaun smiled again, not a forced business smile, but something that looked like it truly belonged, “I think you boys know more about what represents you than we will. Here’s the thing, you’re weird, the music doesn’t fit into any category. None of it does. So, pick to your hearts content. Alternative rock is the general label we’ll apply, but we would work closely with you in choosing appropriate sounds and singles, the right shows and promotion. The right tour.”

“I think I speak for both of us when I say, this is exactly what we were looking for,” Tyler beamed, thrumming with excitement.

“Of course, we’ll have to talk about the band what things will be released, biographies. Any secrets you’re keeping need to be shared now, we can’t afford to be shocked by leaked news.”

Josh cleared his throat with a blush, holding tightly to Tyler’s thoughts through their bond imagining that warmth was his body against his, “I, uh, me and Tyler are soulmates.”

A booming laugh escaped Shaun’s mouth, it made Josh think of those awfully homey Santa’s that drag around reindeer and fake presents to make kids smile. “Nothing wrong with that, it’s cute really, might help marketing and stuff. Unless you want to keep it quiet?”

“No, god no!” Josh answered quickly, arm shooting out to hold Tyler’s like he might float away. “It’s just, we didn’t meet in the most conventional of ways.”

Tyler could sense his discomfort, “you wanna go or something?” The offer was declined, but he could feel Josh’s relief at the option being available. “We dream-walked before we ever met, both thought we were imagining the other. I was in a dark place. Attempted suicide. Josh saved me. We’re slowly but surely gluing the pieces back together.”

“I can see why that’s hard to believe,” Shaun sighed, writing some notes. “And your health now?”

Both of them shrugged in sync, “improving. Josh has anxiety, I get suicidal thoughts. We’re probably both depressed. Or have depressive episodes.”

“It’s part of being human,” Shaun assured them, already falling into that fatherly role he’d talked about. “I think, stick with whatever you’re doing now. If things go wrong, well, keep us updated and we will do everything we can to help.” Neither boy was sure if he was talking about their mental state or their relationship, but were grateful all the same. “Now, feel free to take this contract away with you and sign it later.”

“We can do it now,” Josh argued, it was his verbal agreement that made Tyler reach over for the pen. They both wanted this. Desperately. It was exactly what they needed.

As they said their goodbyes Tyler pretended not to notice Josh pull Shaun aside and whisper something about voices and schizophrenia. He pushed those thoughts aside, knowing it was probably just Josh’s paranoia, they had a weekend to enjoy.

And a signing to celebrate.

And _holy shit_ they were actually signed. To a real life, real good record label.

_Fucking shit balls of death._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. So I am on a roll of creativity rn.... don't know when the next chapter will be out. But expect fluffiness. Also, I've never been to New York or a label meeting so I am totally making it up. Hope you enjoy it! Would love to know what you think frens


	10. Chapter 10

It felt like they’d entered a whole different city when they left the offices. The sun seemed brighter, the skies seemed clearer, the air felt warmer. Everything was a little more beautiful, every ugly ass pigeon that flew by and every yellow taxi, every food stall and coffee shop, every angry business man and tottering woman. _Everything_ was beautiful.

But not nearly as beautiful as the person beside them. As usual their hands were entwined, fitting together like puzzle pieces, crafted to be there. Both smiles were blinding, both boys glowing. “Wanna take a walk in the park?” Tyler suggested, leaning in to kiss Josh’s shoulder.

“I’d love to take a walk in the park.” Of course, Tyler got side-tracked on the way to the park, dragging Josh into a particularly cosy looking coffee shop to grab some takeaway cups.

“We’re coming back here,” Tyler whispered before they left, bringing the steaming cup of life to his lips. It didn’t take them long to find a bench, a fountain providing their backdrop surrounded by green grass. There were birds flying around, searching for abandoned food, squirrels hopping about and dogs running rampage in the open green.

Though, it was Tyler’s smile that was burned into Josh’s mind. The way he put those coffee-stained crooked teeth on display, it was pure happiness that seared through their bond. It was infectious in every aspect of the word, coaxing a smile out of Josh, making that happiness seep into his bones.

Not that it wasn’t there already.

Josh let himself lean against Tyler, watching another couple sat under a tree, “what next Ty-guy?”

“Can we find a cute bookstore?”

“You’re such trash,” Josh giggled, shaking his head fondly.

His insult earned him a sharp slap to the shoulder, which again only made him laugh more. “You’re so mean,” Tyler complained, sounding like a petulant child. The pout was evident in his voice, Josh didn’t need to look to know it was there.

“Shut up, you know I’m joking. I’d go anywhere for you, do anything for you. You’re my life.”

Tyler nuzzled into Josh’s hair, pressing soft kisses there, “careful, someone might think you’re obsessed.”

“Maybe I am a little,” Josh whispered back, sighing softly. “Let’s go find your bookstore Ty.”

And so their New York journey began.

 

 

 

 

 

Finding a bookstore wasn’t hard. Not even a little.

Finding one that Tyler liked? Well that was a lot harder.

Some he wouldn’t even enter, deciding he hated them as soon as he saw the sign or the window display or the posters on the door.

Others didn’t have the right smell (“it smells of stale bread,” “what the hell does stale bread smell like?”, “this.”) or were too crowded, or were too disorganised. In one shop Tyler was chased out by the person behind the till because he started trying to alphabetise the books.

So when Tyler smiled softly, entered the shop slowly and went straight to a bookshelf, Josh nearly cried. He had to admit, it was the nicest one they’d been too (and by this point he was beginning to think they were all the same), fairy lights adorned the walls, strung across bookshelves and casting a beautiful golden glow on everything in the shop. The bookshelves looked wonderfully old, antique in every way, the books appeared unorganised but there was some sort of order to them that Josh wouldn’t pretend to understand.

It smelt of vanilla candles and fresh pages, it smelt of the crisp autumn air after the rain and freshly cut grass. It was gentle and calming and _wonderful_. “This place is nice Ty,” Josh commented from behind Tyler, who was completely engrossed in a book. He received only a hum in response, he shook his head a little before exploring on his own.

He got lost in the mazes of alleys, staring at the spines of beautifully bound books. Then he found something, tucked away in the corner of the shop that had his heart hammering with excitement, thoughts of Tyler’s reaction running through his mind.

It was easy enough to sneakily buy it, Tyler was struggling around the shop with five books in his hands when he found him again, his own new buy tucked away in his pocket. “You good to go?”

“Can I get all of these?” Tyler asked, blinking up hopefully.

There was something so beautifully pure in his eyes, glowing with a happiness that wasn’t always there. The look on his face was one of Josh’s favourite, it was one of pure unadulterated peace, happiness and hope. “Of course baby boy,” Josh smiled, wrapping an arm round his shoulder and guiding him to the counter.

 

 

 

 

 

After a long day exploring New York, with Tyler dragging Josh into cute little boutiques and antique shops, exploring thrift stores and book shops and cafes they finally returned to their hotel. Josh was exhausted, but Tyler seemed more alive than ever.

“We have to go walking when it gets dark, I want to see the stars,” Tyler squealed excitedly from their bed, a book in his hand.

“Ty, we’ll barely see anything, light pollution and stuff,” Josh sighed, stumbling over to the bed and falling beside him.

“Please Joshie, just a little walk,” he pouted.

A groan fell from Josh’s lips, “you know I can’t say no to you,” he frowned, though that melted away as the smile broke out on Tyler’s face. “You’re buying me another coffee though.”

The smile was pressed into Josh’s shoulder, Tyler moving to straddle him and press gentle kisses there. “I think I can do that,” he murmured, voice smooth and sultry. His hands began massaging Josh’s tense muscles, smoothing out the knots and causing Josh to groan in pleasure. “Remember the first time I did this,” he growled into Josh’s ear, “this time I’m gunna make you feel good.”

“Tyler,” Josh whined, hips bucking up in search of friction. He was lost in Tyler’s voice and his hands and his hips and his words, then came the thoughts, Tyler artfully sending glimpses of Josh beneath him, thoughts of him crying out as he orgasmed, thoughts of Tyler getting him off in every single way. “Please,” he whimpered, hands falling on Tyler’s hips.

“And what is it you want baby? Tell me,” his voice was so soft, but there was a commanding undertone Josh couldn’t ignore.

“You. Please. T-touch me, pl-please Ty,” he begged, eyes full of lust.

Tyler loved seeing Josh like this, all strung out beneath him, loved being able to help his lover relax, to pull him from the constant doubts and worries nibbling away in his mind. Right now the only thoughts flying through Josh’s brain were of Tyler and his throbbing dick and Tyler. A smile appeared on Tyler’s face, eyes lighting up as he saw what Josh was thinking, “shall I suck you off princess?”

The moan that came from Josh’s mouth sounded affirmative, so without another word Tyler moved down. Tugging down Josh’s jeans, which took effort on both parts thanks to them being so tight, and removing his boxers whilst pressing chaste kisses to the newly exposed skin.

Josh looked beautiful, mouth hung open as he panted heavily, looking down at Tyler with lidded eyes and plump lips. His cock sat straight, a dark red already leaking pre-cum, his hands were clutching the sheets as he writhed under Tyler’s gaze. “So pretty,” Tyler complimented, hands falling to Josh’s thighs, gently massaging them.

It was so _close_ but not close enough, Josh was stuck between feeling relief in those tense muscles and feeling awfully aroused and not quite being touched. “Tyler,” he whined desperately, eyes pleading with him. And as those hands continued to rub at his thighs, moving expertly around tight muscles his tongue ran across Josh’s tip.

There was a cry of pleasure from his soulmate, one tinged with a beautiful desperation that made Tyler’s own cock pulse in his jeans. He felt powerful, he felt in control, he felt in love and it was so perfect. As he lapped at Josh’s cock teasingly, licking long stripes up the base before lapping at the tip like a kitten, Josh let out outrageously erotic moan.

Tyler couldn’t hold back anymore, wrapping his bitten red lips around Josh’s throbbing dick and bobbing up and down. His tongue pressed flat against the bottom of Josh’s cock, licking as his throat attempted to swallow. As the muscles tightened in his mouth Josh groaned again, whining as he muttered a string of half-sentences, hands continued working on his thighs, moving closer to the base of his dick before disappearing again.

Though that was barely present in Josh’s mind, especially with Tyler’s lips around him. He came with a cry of Tyler’s name, his throat sore from the whining and the shouting and the begging but he was smiling like a mad man. “Relaxed?” Tyler asked with a smile, licking at his lips.

“Mhmm,” Josh hummed, pulling Tyler into his arms. His eyes felt painfully heavy and he wanted nothing more than to sleep with Tyler in his arms. “Let me help you out,” he slurred, trying to shove a hand down Tyler’s pants.

Tyler just laughed and scooted away, “you’re practically asleep, I’ll sort myself out. You get some sleep baby, I’ll join you in a minute.” In his half-awake state Josh was vaguely aware of the shower turning on, the rhythmic pitter-patter of water, he could just about hear Tyler moaning softly under the noise and make out his own name being cried out every now and then.

It wasn’t until Tyler returned to the room, humming softly, that Josh finally fell asleep. With Tyler’s warm presence beside him, and the beautiful unfamiliar tune it was easy to drift away.

 

 

 

 

 

He wasn’t expecting Tyler to join him but there he was, smiling over at him sweetly. “Hey sleepyhead,” he giggled.

“You’re sleeping too,” Josh pointed out, laughter bubbling out of his mouth.

“Yeah, but I only fell asleep so I could see you.”

Josh shook his head, laughing again, “that’s not how sleep works Ty.”

“Is too.”

“It isn’t.”

“Is.”

Josh groaned as Tyler stared at him with a straight face. “You are absolutely insufferable.”

“No-one is making you stay,” Tyler shrugged, turning to face the sea.

Maybe it was the light, but sadness seemed to wash over him, a dullness that made Josh feel instantly guilty. “I want to,” he assured him, but it didn’t seem to work, “I love you so completely, with every single atom of my being, I don’t think I could survive a single day without you.”

“Not one day?” Tyler asked, lips turning up into a smile.

“Maybe not even an hour,” Josh whispered as if he were telling Tyler the most precious secret.

Their bodies slumped together as they sat on the sand, leaning against each other and revelling in the warmth. “I don’t think I’d survive without you either,” Tyler responded, voice soft. “You’re everything that makes me a better person, you make me smile and you make me see worth in myself.”

“I make you cry too,” Josh mumbled angrily, hands digging in the sand.

Tyler turned to him with anger scrawled across his face, “we make each other cry. No-one expects this to be an easy ride, stop being so hard on yourself. We do that because we love each other so much, we’re blinded by it sometimes.”

“Sorry,” the word was carried away by the gentle breeze, and Tyler responded with a soft kiss to Josh’s shoulder.

“You have nothing to apologise for, I love you and I always will. Stop being stupid. You wanna hear a song I’ve been working on?” And just like that they fell back into laughter, holding hands as they went to the piano.

Josh sat beside him, watching in awe as Tyler’s fingers danced across the keys effortlessly, watching his mouth form every word, his body twitch and stutter as he sang of the battle field of his mind. As always he found himself reminded of just how much he loved this man, the one he’d seen grow into something more beautiful and precious than he had ever imagined.

 

 

 

 

 

It was Josh who woke first, the sky dark outside, the sun having just set. He allowed himself five minutes to stare at Tyler, in a totally non-creepy I-love-my-boyfriend way. His face was a picture of serenity, completely relaxed, with his mouth hanging open and his chest rising and falling calmly. Josh let his fingers trail the outlines of Tyler’s tattoo’s, the bands around his wrist, the boxes on his chest. He let himself get so lost in Tyler’s body he didn’t notice his eyes flutter open, “wha?”

“Hey beautiful, you wanna go for that walk?” Josh offered, looking up to meet those beautiful hazel eyes.

“Yeah, I do,” Tyler leant forward to connect their lips, that soft smile that has become a regular visitor appearing on his face. “Just let me wake up a second.”

“Okay baby boy, I’ll get dressed. Don’t take too long – I need caffeine.”

Tyler slowly sits up, “you’d leave me behind for coffee?”

“I’d kill you for coffee,” Josh deadpans as he jumps into his jeans.

Tyler sniggers softly, “nice to know where I stand.”

“I’m a nice guy,” Josh shrugs, smiling crazily, “now come on, or I’m going to sleep and not coming with you.” At this threat Tyler finally seemed to start moving, slowly, but it was better than blinking sleepily as he was before.

 

 

 

 

 

It was another half hour before they made it to a coffee shop, Josh could barely keep his eyes open as he leant heavily against Tyler who was smiling stupidly at him. “If you were _this_ tired you should have just said, we didn’t have to go out.”

“You wanted to, and I love you so want to see you happy,” Josh mumbled.

“Yeah, well I want to see you happy too big guy, next time tell me. I feel like you’re gunna pass out in my arms,” Tyler giggled lightly, the sound instantly making Josh himself feel lighter and more awake.

When they escaped the night-time chill and entered the coffee shop the sweet smell of caffeine was enough to get him standing straight and marching to the counter. He could hear Tyler’s muffled laughte behind him as he blinked blearily at the menu, he was baffled at the wide range of coffee and tea and there was stuff on there that didn’t sound real.

So when the nice lady behind the counter asked what he wanted (and fluttered her eyelashes whilst doing it) all Josh could respond with was an intelligent, “uh”. The girl giggled, cheeks dusted red and it wasn’t until Josh felt jealousy rear its ugly head within him that he realised what was happening.

As all this slow thinking was going on in Josh’s head, Tyler had thrown an am over Josh’s shoulder and pressed a kiss to his cheek whilst locking eyes with the girl who was staring at Josh lustfully. “He’ll have a black coffee,” Tyler went on to list cakes and whatever the hell he was having, but Josh was too busy smiling and burying himself in Tyler’s warmth. Josh did have the awareness to note the girl behind the counter looked suitably sheepish, and wasn’t staring at him with quite the same hunger.

“Uh, you two are really cute,” she commented awkwardly as she handed over the tray.

Tyler’s smile was blinding, his laughter pure music, “I know sweetheart, it’s all him,” he continued to chuckle softly all the way to the table he’d chosen. And of course it was by the window, with a beautiful view of the darkening sky and of streetlamps and passing cars. “It’s kind of beautiful.”

“You’re kind of beautiful,” Josh responded with a smile, barely able to look away from Tyler to see what he was talking about. “You know, I only ever have eyes for you. I wouldn’t dream of another soul Ty, you are it for me.”

“I know,” Tyler murmured, looking down at his fancy-shmancy coffee thing, “I guess, I just, it’s like you said, sometimes I think you’ll wake up and realise I’m not so great. That you could do so much better. You’re so gorgeous, inside and out, and you could get anyone you wanted with a smile, Jesus, people would throw themselves to your feet. I just, sometimes I get jealous when I see them looking because I’m scared that maybe you’ll end up looking back.”

Josh took his hand in his, rubbing gentle circles until their eyes met. “I don’t think we’ll ever stop being afraid Ty, we’re broken people and our brains are sick – but that’s okay. We have each other. I’ll say it until the earth stops turning Ty, you have me forever, until you’re sick and tired of my ugly mug. Those people who look at me, not a single person is more beautiful than you, not one of them is as strong, as remarkable, as talented. I bet you none of them would come to Taco Bell with me at 2AM, and I’m sure they wouldn’t hold me close as I cried hysterically for no reason, they wouldn’t reassure me about everything; how I look, how I drum, they definitely wouldn’t hold my hand before a show and whisper about how great we’ll be. We have each other’s backs in a way no one else could, we are soul mates in every aspect of the word.”

There was a smile on Tyler’s face, something like tears glistening in his eyes, “I’d like to think we’re from the same star,” he whispered.

“We are. We were meant to be Ty, in all our flawed glory. Now, shut up and drink whatever the fuck that is so we can go look at the stars.” Tyler laughed, pressing a kiss to Josh’s knuckles. “Also, I bagsy eating the strawberry tart.” He ignored Tyler’s frown and the puppy eyes he was throwing Josh’s way; they both knew they would end up splitting both the cakes.

They always did.

 

 

 

 

 

If Josh was honest, his legs were killing him and he was cold and he really wanted to go to bed, but in this moment he was not honest. He was in love.

The stars were sparkling above them and birds were cooing and there were animals running through the trees. It was dark and streetlamps cast a yellowing glow on the park that made it feel dreamlike. Silver light of the moon reflecting in the water that was eerily still. It was as if the whole world had stopped for them.

“I think that’s our star,” Tyler commented, pointing to what appeared to be a random star. _Why?_ “Because it’s nothing particularly special, it isn’t the brightest, it’s the same size as every other star, but it sits apart from all the others. There’s something about it that seems different, a good different, like when you try a stuffed crust pizza for the first time – that kind of different.”

Josh was giggling now, smiling over at Tyler as if all the stars were held in his eyes, “It can be our star.”

“You’re not even looking at it,” Tyler frowned when he glanced over at Josh.

Who just smiled again, rubbing his thumb across Tyler’s cheeks, “the sky will never be as beautiful as the stars in your eyes, your eyes hold whole universes Ty. An infinite amount of swirling masterpieces that I may never understand, but I can admire them for hours and hours. You’re the most precious thing on this planet Ty, in this entire universe, I’d choose to find your beauty than this world’s in a heartbeat.”

Tyler had blushed a beautiful pink, tongue flitting out to lick his dry lips, “you’re such a sap.”

“I’m your sap,” Josh shrugged, smiling as he rests his head on Tyler’s chest. “I got you a present.”

“Josh,” Tyler whined, “why? Now I feel bad because I didn’t get you something.”

But Josh didn’t want something in return, Tyler knew it, he just wanted to see him smile. “I really don’t care baby, as long as you love it I don’t care.” He pulled out a small bundle from his jacket, wrapped in brown paper.

With a hammering heart and careful fingers, he opened it up, being greeted with a leather journal. It was beautiful, it was untouched, it was full of empty pages begging to be filled with dark secrets and lyrics of love and life and fear. “Josh,” he sighed, voice full of wonder and happiness and love.

And, dear God, Josh nearly died right then. “You like it?”

“Fuck,” and Tyler let one tear fall, dropping onto the tan leather cradled in his hands, “I love it. You know me so well, fuck, I, I love you so much.” He leant over and pressed their lips together hungrily, tongue exploring Josh’s mouth earnestly.

“Love you,” Josh mumbled into his mouth, _glad you like it_.

 _You’re the best boyfriend ever_. Josh couldn’t help but smile wider, slowing their kiss down and making it something more intimate.

“This is a moment I want us to remember forever, you look beautiful in silver.”

Another blush took hold of flushed cheeks, “you really are unbearable.” He noticed Josh hold back a yawn, so the minute shiver of his body and felt the chill in his own spine for a brief moment, “let’s go back.”

So hand in hand, with a beautiful new journal tucked under Tyler’s arm, they headed back to the hotel. Both of them smiling _insanely_ wide, sharing glimpses of their thoughts of each other and happiness and the future and the past and it was all sickeningly happy.

 

 

 

 

 

When Josh woke up the bed was empty. Which wasn’t all _too_ strange, Tyler was a bit of an early bird sometimes. He’d wake up with melodies ringing in his ears and couldn’t resist the pull of new music, or wake from restless sleep with nightmares and anxious thoughts and a fear of returning to sleep.

The strange part of all this was that Josh couldn’t hear the shower running, nor could he hear music, or singing, or typing, or hushed voices. It was silent.

And that scared him.

“Ty?” He called out, slowly sitting up and rubbing his eyes. As if after blinking a few times Tyler would appear.

Spoiler alert – he didn’t.

So he spread out through the bond, calling for Tyler almost desperately. Anxiety was beginning to eat away at him, making him feel sick. What if Tyler had left and wasn’t planning on coming back? What if e was hurt? What if he had been kidnapped? What if he was de-

 _Calm down. Breathe baby. I’m on my way. 5 minutes._ Tyler’s calm voice rolled though him, instantly calming those thoughts. His breathing was still laboured, but it was regular now and the world wasn’t spinning quite as fast and the black spots had vanished and he was pretty sure he wasn’t about to throw up. “Joshie?” Tyler’s head poked round the door, seeming relieved when he saw Josh’s shaking figure.

“Ty,” he released the shaky breath he was holding.

In a second Tyler was at his side, kissing every inch of exposed skin, “I wanted to surprise you with breakfast, next time I’ll leave a note,” he whispered against pale skin.

Josh held him close, breathing in his favourite smell and revelling in the feeling of Tyler against him, “sorry, I ruined your surprise.”

“Nope, I should have left a note or something. I thought I’d be back before you got up, let me just go get it okay,” it took more than one kiss before Josh let him wriggle free of his grasp. Tyler ran back to the table he’d left the food on, Josh’s to-go coffee in one hand and the still steaming croissant in another. “I wanted to get you a bagel, but they were all out,” Tyler pouted handing them over.

But Josh was smiling as he leant into Tyler’s side, “it’s perfect, thank you.”

“You’re perfect,” Tyler laughed, smiling wider as Josh’s laughter joined him. “Plans for today?”

“I was thinking some more hotel sex, maybe some shower sex, maybe skip lunch for sex and then find some restaurant,” Josh spoke round a mouthful of food.

Tyler ending up laughing so hard that he was snorting, “you’re insatiable you animal.” And Josh merely shrugged, smiling slyly behind his coffee. “I’ll consider your offer.”

It was Josh choking now, nearly spitting his coffee all over the clean white bedsheets, “you will?” His voice was nearly a squeak, making Tyler laugh even more.

“Sure, why not?”

“I don’t know, I just, I. Sure.” Coherent thoughts were lost on Josh in that moment, staring at Tyler in all his smiley golden beauty.

“Joshie?” Tyler asked after a silence had passed, receiving a hum in response. Josh knew what was coming, Tyler was about to ask for something that he thought Josh would say no to. “Could we go to the zoo?”

Josh smiled, “that sounds cool. Can we find a record store too? I want to bring something back with me.”

An excited squeal left Tyler’s mouth as he span to press their lips together, “and if we have time, can we go to an art museum?” For a moment Josh forgot he was supposed to answer, his eyes had fallen to Tyler’s soft lips and sweet, sweet smile. “I promise I’ll make it worth your while,” Tyler’s voice turned deeper, sultry, it made Josh think of sirens in all those old legends.

He was pretty sure Tyler could draw him into the ocean with his voice, get him out into the road. “I’m not saying no to that offer, but I was going to say yes anyway.”

Tyler laughed against his skin, “well, I better offer you my payment then.” Before Josh could open his mouth to protest, Tyler was exploring the space with his tongue. Stopping whatever thoughts Josh planned on verbalising and swallowing every guttural moan and groan. “Hands and knees sweet stuff,” and Josh nearly fell off the bed he was moving so quickly.

They both ignored Tyler’s body shaking with laughter, and Josh’s burning cheeks, instead getting lost in the moment again. Of fingers massaging Josh’s ass, slick fingers pressing against his hole and stretching him open, of Josh’s pornographic moans and the way his muscles would clench around Tyler and the way he pushed back needily.

“Need you, fuck me, please, please,” Josh babbled, his thoughts sending the same desperate string of words when he found the words being stopped by moans.

Tyler leant over him, a hand in his ass and one on Josh’s shoulder, lips against the shell of Josh’s ear, “you want me baby?” Josh nodded eagerly, for a moment Tyler wondered if it were possible to give yourself whiplash from nodding too hard, but then Josh groaned loudly and ground himself back on Tyler’s hand.

He pushed intriguing thoughts like that to the back of his mind, giving his full attention to the mewling, desperate boy beneath him. “Ty,” he whimpered when Tyler withdrew his fingers, despite knowing something even better was coming his way.

“Shush,” Tyler muttered, pressing soft kisses to the curve of Josh’s back. He was all smooth skin, glowing in the golden light. Slowly he pushed into him, enjoying the slow groan from Josh’s mouth, at this point he had his face pressed into the pillow, hands fisting the sheets.

He would deny that he had waited a moment before entering to admire Josh’s round ass, plump and wiggling tantalisingly. Jesus, even thinking about those pale orbs had his cock twitching and leaking pre-cum. “Tyler, Tyler, Tyler,” he was incapable of any other word.

Every single thought in his mind was of Tyler, of his touch and his presence and him in all his beautiful glory. “I got you,” Tyler panted, holding Josh’s hips as he thrust into him. “Fuck, you feel so fucking good.”

Tyler’s hips began stuttering, his relentless pace becoming erratic as he neared his orgasm. He snaked his arm round Josh’s side, fingers wrapping around his hard and leaking cock, Josh spasmed into the touch moaning desperately. His body seemed torn, pushing back onto Tyler’s cock and thrusting into the too loose grip on his cock.

“Cum for me, cum for me baby,” Tyler pleaded, voice tinged with desperation. He was _sososo_ close and when Josh screamed through his orgasm and clenched around him Tyler followed. Blunt fingernails dug into pale skin, trails of red showing the path of Tyler’s hands, of his lips and teeth.

When he pulled out, both of them whining he took a blissed second to observe the white liquid run out of Josh’s ass, before collapsing beside him. “S’good,” Josh slurred, turning to look at Tyler.

“Your ass is good,” Tyler giggled back, hand moving to cup said ass. “You look so fucked right now,”

Josh nodded, mouth hung open as he made an affirmative noise. “Pretty fucked.” He couldn’t quite get his head around how Tyler was capable of words and sentences and jokes, when he could barely get past that orgasm and the bliss that followed. “Zoo first, or museum?”

Laughter bubbled up from inside Tyler, escaping his mouth in more beautiful giggles that blossomed into a garden of flowers. “Zoo. I think before that though, you need to wake up a little. And shower.”

“I’m awake,” Josh argued with a frown.

“Turn over princess,” Tyler continued, waiting for Josh to comply. It was slow and lethargic, but he did eventually spin round to face the ceiling.

“My ass hurts,” he frowned before letting out a giggle, “I think I should shower.” Though he refused to actually get up, one hand straying to reach for Tyler’s.

But Tyler had a different idea, moving to straddle Josh and lean in for another kiss. “You look beautiful,” he smiled. And boy, he did. His hair sticking up in every direction, cheeks flushed and lips red from biting. He was covered in bite marks, purple signs of their love.

As he sat there, admiring and kissing and letting his hands roam over Josh’s toned body, he felt something stirring. “Who’s the animal now?” Josh asked, cheeks growing even darker.

“Yeah, well, look at you getting all worked up again. Someone’s waking up.”

Josh laughed, “you planned this you dick. Get in that shower with me.” As he was getting up he felt the pain between his legs, “actually, if you could help me to the shower that would be great.” His sheepish grin was enough to convince Tyler, he wrapped his arm round Josh’s waist and helped him to the shower on weak legs.

Lips meeting under the warm water once more as the two melted into each other. For neither the first or last time.

 

 

 

 

 

Tyler was buttoning up his shirt, staring at himself in the mirror, though Josh would see his gaze flit over to him for a second. “We have 10 minutes ‘till we need to leave Ty,” he reminded him, running a hand through his hair.

“I know, sorry,” he moved quicker, letting out an irritated groan when he realised he’d buttoned his shirt up wrong. “Frick.”

Josh giggled at how cute was, moving to help him, “here you big idiot.” He received a grateful smile in return as he buttoned Tyler’s shirt up. “I don’t often help you put clothes back on.”

He let out a _very_ manly shout when Tyler slapped him, “you shut up. We’re going to miss our reservation.”

“I still think this is your fault,” Josh muttered, “you just had to listen to the whole tour.”

“You said I could!” Tyler exclaimed, shoving his phone and wallet into his pockets and grabbing his jacket.

“But you asked. And you know I can’t say no to you, so that was unfair,” Josh was smiling a little as he spoke, watching Tyler flounder. “Ty, you have everything, come on.”

They hurried out into the street, Josh wrapping an arm round Tyler immediately, and headed in the direction of the fancy Italian restaurant Tyler had picked out. It was a little on the expensive side, but they’d just signed to a label and taken their first real out of state trip – they thought they could splash out a little.

Thankfully it wasn’t too fancy, because they were wearing button-up shirts and dark jeans but for a moment Josh had wondered if somewhere this beautiful was expecting tuxedo’s and ties. But Tyler had done his homework. “Reservation for Mr Joseph,” he smiled at the waiter.

“Of course, this way please sir,” he led them to the back, a table set up near a window with flickering candles and roses. “Is this table alright?”

“It’s beautiful,” Josh answered, unable to look away. “Did you ask for this?”

Tyler’s half-hearted shrug was an answer enough, something like embarrassment coursed through the bond and his cheeks were turning pink. “Do you like it?”

“Jesus Ty, I love it,” he laughed, “this has been the best weekend ever. I mean that. I got a Blink-182 vinyl, we got signed, we had mind-blowing sex, I fell even more in love with you, we found our star and you’ve made yet another perfect date.”

If Tyler had been pink before, he was now a deep red. His eyes were glowing and he couldn’t hide his smile, no matter how hard he tried. “I see your priorities,” he giggled, “I’m glad you like it.”

“I think I said I love it Ty, don’t you forget that – I love you and I love everything you do.”

“That sounds like some crappy line from some poppy boy-band.”

Josh scoffed, laughing as he read the menu, “you’re a crappy line from some poppy boy-band.”

“Your face is a crappy line from some poppy boy-band.”

“Your mum is a crappy line from some poppy boy-band.”

For a whole 5 seconds Tyler was able to keep a straight face, to glare at Josh and act offended, “how dare you bring my mother into this?” Then the two burst out laughing, receiving more than one odd look from those around them.

A strange look washed over Josh’s face once the laughter had subsided, “I love you, you know that?”

“I had a pretty good idea. I love you too. More than I ever thought possible.” And so their meal continued, with light-hearted jokes and laughter and confessions of love and life and the future and they spoke about their favourite movies and actors and X-Files (“don’t you tell me it’s over, it is never over Tyler – just you wait.”) and Tyler’s never-ending flirtations.

And really it was those that provoked Josh the most. Because when his suggestible comments and fluttering eyelashes and take me to bed looks stopped getting as much of a reaction (little did he know Josh was half hard beneath the table) he took it a step further.

Maybe Josh had blacked out for a second, but suddenly Tyler was sat beside him whispering something in his ear about sharing dessert but he was too lost in Tyler’s seductive voice and warmth breath to really know what he was nodding along to.

And then it stopped.

Tyler had pulled away, he had space and could breathe and he was very suspicious. Because that wasn’t very Tyler, Tyler loved teasing him and getting him all worked up in public (especially after Josh had told him he kind of like it if they built it all up right). “What dessert do you want then?” He asked.

“Uh, you can choose,” Josh replied, frowning a little. Tyler just nodded, looking over the menu with his teeth worrying his bottom lip.

“You shouldn’t bite your lip,” Josh had aimed to scold, but his voice wavered and gave the game away.

Then Tyler looked up at him, lips red and innocent eyes, “sorry, didn’t notice.”

That was a lie. Josh knew it. And he also knew that Tyler was most _definitely_ up to something. “Are you ready to order dessert?”

And then the penny dropped. A hand landed on his thigh, long fingers trailing softly up and down the sensitive skin. It was torturous and Josh wanted to whine and shift closer because damn his cock had been taking an interest in Tyler all night.

“Sure, you ready Josh?” He might have read it wrong, but it felt like Tyler checking this was okay so with red cheeks he nodded vehemently, seeing Tyler’s wide smile at the edge of his vision. Then the hand moved higher, palming his half-hard dick through his jeans making Josh let out a small and pathetic whimper.

“That’ll be out to you in about 10 minutes,” the waiter informed them, giving Josh a strange look before leaving. Not that Josh cared, or even noticed.

“Ty,” he breathed out, his hand grabbing Tyler’s thigh in an attempt to ground himself.

There was a soft giggle in his ear, “you’re so good for me Joshie, so good, no one even knows,” his voice was so low in his ear. His lips were brushing the skin and his hand was still slowly touching Josh, it was nowhere near enough to get him off, more like enough to have him hard and wanting.

Josh nodded, turning to kiss Tyler before resting their foreheads together, “always good for you,” he mumbled making Tyler smile even more and nod in agreement.

Their moment was ruined by some sort of sundae being placed in front of them, and really had it been 10 minutes already? And the hand disappeared from his dick and he let out a broken whine. “Let me feed you.”

For a minute Josh couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, because Tyler was seductively eating ice-cream (and we all know what that does to Josh) and now he wants to _feed him_. If he doesn’t come in his pants like a teenager, then he deserves a medal. Despite being so sure he would not be able to handle it, he nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

So they fed each other, and it was one of the most sexual things Josh had ever done and he was painfully hard. He was so hard he was having trouble thinking, all the blood flowing to his dick rather than his brain. Tyler had a look in his eyes that was all lust and love and hunger (and it was _not_ for ice-cream) and he too seemed to be shuffling awkwardly in his chair. “Waiter!” he called out as they finished, “can we pay please?” His cheeks were red and eyes blown wide and he sounded desperate, and the waiter looked like he’d seen this far too many times as he nodded and left.

“Love you,” Josh whispered, connecting their mouths. He could taste the delicious dessert on Tyler’s lips, the sweet stickiness coating plump lips.

“You too,” Tyler responded breathlessly, looking for the waiter. “Why is he taking so long?” He whined, looking to Josh hopefully.

As if sensing he had been called, the waiter passed over the tray and receipt. Tyler had looked at the menu before they came and just threw all the money he had brought (specifically for this) onto the tray. “Thank you,” Josh stammered as Tyler pulled him up and led him from the restaurant.

The waiter seemed to be laughing softly. He had _definitely_ seen this too many times. Though there was something beautifully romantic about it.

Josh and Tyler could barely separate, the short walk back was filled with messy kisses and clashing teeth and hands straying under shirts and beneath belts. “Fuck, fuck, I love you,” Tyler cried as they got into their hotel room, pushing Josh to the bed. “Love you so much.”

“Love you too,” in an uncharacteristic move, Josh flipped them, sucking marks down Tyler’s torso. “Love you, love you, love you,” he would whisper against the tanned skin after each bruise.

They continued to show their love for each other. Not sleeping till early the next morning. The trip had turned into something beautifully special, a weekend neither would forgot and not just for their career, but for what they learned about each other and their bodies.

They learnt and explored and mapped and experienced every inch of each other, they took their sweet time in finding out what made the other whine and moan, what would have them hard in seconds.

They also learnt what made them smile, what their favourite jokes were, they learnt more about each other in this foreign place – they delved deeper into the ocean of their soulmate, strengthening their already strong bond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed my sin. This has been pretty fluffy... fair warning, it is not all smooth sailing. Things might start going wrong in the next few chapters....
> 
> Love hearing what you think and am open to any suggestions rn.


	11. Chapter 11

Josh slept the whole way back. Of course the whole idea was Tyler’s, or so he claims, tiring the poor boy out before getting them to the airport for their flight back. And his beautiful boyfriend was asleep before the plane had even taken off, only waking when Tyler shook him whispering they were home.

And then it had been business as usual.

There was another celebratory dinner (and God, things are moving so quickly it’s astounding) and Tyler and Mark were filming some videos to bridge the gap between ‘Regional At Best’ and their first real label album.

“Spaghetti?” Tyler called out, shouting over Josh’s drums.

“Sorry, what was that?” Josh asked, smiling sheepishly with glowing cheeks and Tyler _reallyreally_ wanted to march over there and kiss him silly.

But he had restraint. He was a mature adult after all. “Spaghetti alright for dinner?” Tyler repeated, eyes crinkling at the corners as he smiled fondly at his lover.

“That sounds great, need any help?”

“No, you stay here and play. You sound good. Look even better,” he winked and walked away giggling, hearing Josh’s laughter behind him.

 _You’re a dick. But your ass looks great._ Josh’s laughter grew louder and Tyler couldn’t help laughing along with him, rolling his eyes as he set about making something for the two of them. The steady beat of Josh’s drums, muted slightly, was relaxing.

It helped him almost as much as it helped Josh. Sometimes he envied the tattooed boy, for being able to chase the steady beats and be grounded by the thrumming vibrations. But then, it was Tyler who got to sing and preform and lose himself and his worries on stage. And as he was losing them, Josh was fighting them.

Tyler was so lost in his thoughts, humming to a song he hadn’t quite finished yet, he didn’t notice the drumming cease. So when Josh wrapped his arms around his waist and pressed his lips to his neck, Tyler screamed and jumped in his arms. “You can’t do that,” Tyler shouted, slapping Josh’s arm.

He could tell his boyfriend was trying desperately not to laugh, biting his lip as he looked at him with wide eyes. “Sorry Ty, you’re so gorgeous, I just couldn’t stay away,” his voice was strained as he fought back his laughter, and when Tyler’s shoulders sagged he finally let it out. “It was pretty funny though, you jumped up and _screamed_ , you actually screamed.”

“I’d describe it more as a choked shout,” Tyler muttered, lips pulling up into a small smile as he stirred the sauce.

“It was definitely a scream,” Josh laughed against his neck, pressing soft and fluttering kisses there. Each one sending a shot of electricity down Tyler’s spine, it was tantalising. Like Tyler was a spring and Josh was slowly winding him up until he’d burst, jump free.

“Was not,” Tyler mumbled, turning from Josh’s eager lips. “Buzz off, I’m making dinner.”

But Josh just shouldered him to the side, gently stirring the sauce as Tyler had done, “and I’m helping.”

He tried not to melt completely when faced with Josh’s beaming smile and crinkly eyes and just his cuteness completely. “Josh, please, go drum or something.”

The disappointment in Josh’s eyes wasn’t forced at all, and Tyler instantly felt guilty, “you mean, you don’t want my help?”

“No, no, of course not baby,” Tyler pulled him in for a short kiss, “it’s just I’m almost done now, don’t want you wasting your time. If you wanna help you can get some plates out, get the table ready. Or a movie, if you want to eat in the living room. Music. I don’t know, you’re the best at those things.”

Like a puppy, or small child, Josh forgot about his bad mood, instead bouncing off happily. Within seconds he had music playing softly, his fingers tapping along to the beat on any surface; his leg, the counter, a plate, Tyler’s hip.

Anywhere.

And it was adorable. “Table?” Josh asked, as he carried their plates.

“Yeah,” Tyler smiled, seeing Josh had already put out mats and drinks despite being willing to eat in the living room if Tyler had wanted. “I’m sorry about earlier, I don’t know what came over me, it was much better with you there with me,” he nudged Josh’s foot, hoping that Josh would be okay with it all.

“I know, you get all territorial sometimes. It’s cute,” Josh shrugged, “the food is delicious though, thanks baby boy.”

Tyler shook his head, thanking God yet again for letting him have the perfect man sat opposite him. “Thanks Joshie, I was thinking, maybe this Sunday we should have our parents round for a roast. It’s almost Christmas after all.”

“It’s almost your birthday too,” Josh giggled, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively. “I think we call that our celebration.”

He faked offence, “all I get is a dumb meal with our families?”

Josh just giggled more, causing Tyler’s heart to beat erratically (almost worryingly so), “no, of course I have wild, wild things planned for the two of us.”

“You spoil me,” Tyler smiled, reaching over to sqeeuse Josh’s hand, “but seriously, you don’t need to get me anything J, I have everything I could ever want.”

“You don’t have a cat,” Josh pointed out.

Tyler laughed, his head falling back as the sound drifted from his lips, “I guess you’re right, I don’t have a cat.”

 

 

 

 

 

“Josh, Josh!” Tyler shouted from the kitchen, his voice was panicked and Josh nearly fell over in his rush to get away – fearing the worst despite knowing he wasn’t in pain. “You gotta get the pork from the oven, it’ll burn,” he ordered.

“Don’t worry about it Ty,” Josh soothed, running a hand over his shoulder.

“Don’t worry about it?” Tyler exclaimed, eyes wide as he continued chopping up vegetables, “I spent hours with that piece of meat. Putting a glaze on, timing it all right, caring for it lovingly. If it doesn’t come out with perfect crackling and completely delicious I don’t know if I can go on.”

“Ty-”

“I will resign as cook,” Tyler continued, “look at me, slaving away whilst you small talk in there. I’m _dying_ Josh. Do you know how hot it is? Do you?” Before Josh could open his mouth Tyler carried on, “it’s fucking hot. I’m in a literal hell. There are pots of potatoes boiling over, I need to make the gravy, I haven’t got drinks out, or plates, or the table ready, and I still - ”

While Tyler rambled on Josh got the meat from the oven, nearly drooling at the smell. He finally silenced Tyler with a forceful kiss. “Listen here dumbass, I wanted to help. I want to help. I can make the gravy and carve the meat, I’ll set the table. I can cover the rest of it, you deserve a sit down. Go and see your parents,” Josh ordered softly, kissing Tyler again.

“Thank you,” he sighed, throwing his apron to the side. Josh grinned at the sight of it, a kiss-the-cook apron he’d seen and just had to get Tyler. He pulled it over his head, grinning as he finished making the dinner.

“Josh taking over?” Kelly asked, that ever present smile glowing.

Tyler nodded, “yeah. I guess I was getting a little overwhelmed.”

Laura let out a small laugh, “maybe next time you should team up instead of flying solo.”

“There is _not_ going to be a next time. I have a new-found respect for you both.” Both women laughed, Laura sqeeusing his knee softly.

There was some clattering in the kitchen which didn’t sound to great, followed by a suspicious silence. “Dinner is ready,” Josh shouted, voice muffled. As they sat down he wandered in with plates. Grinning at Tyler and winking as he placed the plate in front of him, “our finest plate kind sir.”

“Why thank you chef, I suppose this is when I kiss you?” Tyler laughed, already pulling Josh down to meet his lips.

The boy hummed, “and I’ll turn into a beautiful prince.” They kissed with wide smiles and laughter spilling out.

“You already are a prince,” Tyler mumbled, voice low and cheeks red. Their families oohed and ahhed, though Zack was making gagging noises and Jordan looked mildly grossed out. “Now go get yours, I’m not waiting for you.” With a mock salute Josh rushed from the room, returning quickly and digging in without another word to anyone.

He practically moaned after the first bite, looking to Tyler with wide eyes, “holy shit, this is so good. I want this every day. Oh god.”

Tyler went straight passed mildly embarrassed to completely mortified, his cheeks burning as Josh continued making appreciative noises that went straight to Tyler’s pants. “Uh, th-thanks,” he stuttered.

“Jesus, go fuck already,” Jordan muttered.

“Language,” Laura scolded absently, “the food is delicious Ty, you did good.”

“Josh helped.”

Aforementioned boy just laughed, “I cut the meat. That’s about it. You did all the hard work.”

Tyler shook his head with a frown, “it would have burnt if you didn’t come, it would be all dry and gross.”

“You both saved the day, now eat,” Chris said as he rolled his eyes.

“What do you boys have planned for Christmas?” Kelly asked after a few minutes of silence.

The boys shared a look, both unsure, “I thought, maybe, we could spend it here. Maybe, just us,” Tyler’s voice was quiet and careful. He hadn’t spoken with Josh yet, but a selfish part of him wanted the boy all to himself. He also knew their parents may not be overjoyed, after all it was a tradition to be together.

Chris nodded thoughtfully, “I thought you may say that. What about a compromise?” When Tyler nodded with interested, but guarded, eyes he continued. “Christmas Eve with us, Boxing Day with the Dun’s. That way we can swap gifts and still have a nice meal.”

“So we get three Christmas’s?” Josh beamed excitedly, causing the parents to laugh whilst nodding. “We’ll do it!”

A more restrained, but still overjoyed smile stayed on Tyler’s face, “thank you.” As the meal continued with easy conversation Tyler drifted and Josh noticed, concerned eyes tearing down his defences. “Josh, we should go get the dessert.”

Without questioning it Josh hurried after Tyler, who moved almost robotically to the kitchen. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, maybe Tyler to break down or shout at him or panic, but being slammed against the kitchen counter and kissed senseless hadn’t even occurred as a possibility. “Ty,” he breathed when the viscous kiss had ended.

“You’re so hot, fuck you Josh,” Tyler growled, kissing him again and slipping his knee between his thighs. “You must have known what you were doing, making those damn noises.” His voice was low, a roughness that one wouldn’t expect from such a sweet and innocent seeming man.

Josh shook his head, “I didn’t Ty, I didn’t mean to,” he promised, hips moving against Tyler’s knee without his consent.

But Tyler just held his hips down, “I think you did.” And then he was across the room, the warm, hot presence gone and leaving Josh feeling cold and empty and really fucking hard.

“Tyler,” he whined, “please, I didn’t mean it. I didn’t know.” Tyler didn’t care though, a smirk on his face as he continued putting out dessert. “Tyler,” it was almost a whimper, the smaller boy kind of looked like he wanted to cry.

“Behave mister, and maybe, _maybe_ , I’ll get you off when they’re gone.”

And shit, Josh didn’t think he could possibly get any harder but he physically hurt. “Okay,” his voice quiet and submissive, watery eyes locked on the ground.

Seeing his baby like that had Tyler’s dick twitching too, he tilted his chin up, pressing a loving kiss to his lips, “good boy, I love you.”

A spark shone in Josh’s eyes at the words, a part of Tyler’s brain questioning whether it was the praise or the confession. “Love you too Ty,” he risked pressing a kiss to Tyler’s cheek before adjusting his pants and heading back in.

If their parents noticed anything (which they more than likely did) they cleverly ignored it. Their siblings however, grimaced and shot them knowing looks whenever they got the chance.

It’s safe to say that Josh _did_ behave. The two boys were painfully hard through the rest of the visit, rushing their families from the house to have some of the hottest sex they’d had.

 

 

 

 

 

Then the worst thing that could ever happen to them happened. “I’m going away for a few days,” Tyler announced.

Josh nearly spat his drink out, coughing when he finally managed to get it down, “what?”

“I’m so sorry Joshie,” he frowned.

“And you had to tell me today,” Josh huffed, frowning at the TV.

A wave of guilt crashed into him, reaching out smoky tendrils that wrapped around his stomach and made him feel sick, “I’m leaving tomorrow.” And that explained the guilt. “We have today, we can enjoy today.”

“Where are you possibly going without me?” Josh asked, trying not to get upset – it was Tyler’s day after all.

“I just, I have to go.” But Josh’s stare was unwavering, it peered into his very soul and he knew if he didn’t tell Josh, then he’d use the bond to figure it out. “My parents want a family holiday. A weekend. Without you.”

“Oh,” he tried not to be offended, he knew the Joseph’s didn’t mean it like that, not at all. But it still felt like he was being pushed away, like he was being scolded for being too clingy. “Okay, that’s, yeah, we have today.”

Tyler reached out and brushed hair from Josh’s face, “listen baby, I’d love to take you, you know that. And they’re not doing it because they don’t love you or spending time with you. It’s because we’re inseparable and whenever you’re around I find it nearly impossible to not give you every ounce of my attention. They just want to steal me away for a couple of days, I’ll be back before you know it.”

He pressed loving kisses to Josh’s neck, smiling softly against the skin, “I can’t even be mad at you.”

“It is my birthday,” Tyler grinned up at him, pressing their lips together again.

“Really?” Josh gasped, laughing as Tyler nodded with a giggle. “In that case, I should probably wow you with my amazing skills in bed.”

“You are a cute napper,” the two ended up laughing so hard they fell off the sofa.

They didn’t get to the bedroom. The floor was good enough for them.

 

 

 

 

 

_On the plane now, love you x_

Josh had been staring at the text for 30 minutes, waiting for the next one to come through. The echoes of Tyler’s voice ran through his mind. The bond was still something neither of them completely understood, and it could be tiring if they tried too much with it, hence Josh frantically checking his phone rather than just calling out through their bond.

His mind wandered to the taller boy, to the day they’d shared yesterday. It had been full of tender kisses and gentle love-making, that was until Josh gave Tyler his present. Another of many.

Ties.

Two ties that Josh had fished out of their wardrobe, and with a nervous, stuttering voice he asked if Tyler wanted to tie him down. It was new for both of them, but god it was hot. Tyler had complete control and Josh was putting all his trust in him.

Josh could feel himself getting hard just thinking about it, of Tyler hovering above him and teasing Josh’s writhing body.

They were doing it again. That was for sure.

When the phone rang it jolted Josh from his fantasies, the initial disappointment fading when he saw the name on the screen. “Ty,” he greeted with a smile.

“Hey baby, we made it here okay,” Tyler replied, he sounded tired – kind of like he’d only just woken up. “You okay over there?”

“Yeah, just thinking of you,” without even meaning to his tone had slipped into something else, something provocative.

It was so beautifully innocent, tinged with something Tyler couldn’t quite place that had his mouth watering. “Oh, uh, what exactly?” Josh heard a door closing, a lock clicking shut, he’d heard Tyler mutter something about going to the bathroom and smiled deviously.

“Last night. You above me. Fuck Ty, I’m so hard,” he whined, letting his fingers trail across the fabric of his jeans.

“Are you touching yourself?”

“Not without you,” Josh whispered, it was a part of their relationship that had gone unspoken. The mild dom/sub thing they had going on, all they knew was they _needed_ it.

“Do it, let me hear you,” Tyler demanded, voice a rough growl.

Josh didn’t need telling twice, sighing in relief as he released his dick from his confines. It was already stood proud, the first drops of precum glistening on the tip. “Oh god Ty, wish it was you,” he moaned as he began touching himself, slowly pumping his dick.

“Fuck,” Tyler gasped, letting out breathy sighs that Josh recognised immediately. He was touching himself too. It made Josh harden further, his whole body flushing. “Wish I could see you, feel you. Wanna touch you.”

Whilst Tyler’s voice was muffled, an attempt to be quiet as he spoke lowly to Josh, Josh was whining desperately. Moans and groans clambered out of his throat without consent, loud and full, “want that.” He heard Tyler’s stuttered breathing, “want to ride you, and you’d hold my hips so tight and I’d rock on you and make you feel so good.”

This seemed to be the tipping point for Tyler, who let out a strangled yell, “Josh,” this was followed by heavy pants and Josh’s own orgasm, “god I miss you.”

“I want to cuddle you so much,” Josh pouted, curling in on himself.

“Soon princess, thank you for that,” he could feel Josh’s bashful smile through the phone, “I miss you and I wish you were here, but I’ll be back before you know it.”

Josh nodded, before remembering Tyler wasn’t here and couldn’t see him, “miss you too. I’ll see you tonight?” Despite trying to ooze confidence, it came out as a question rather than a statement. Insecurity eating away at him.

“I hope so baby, I have to go now, I’ll speak to you soon.” Josh barely had time to say his goodbye before Tyler had hung up. With a small smile, and sadness eating away at him, Josh cleaned up the mess he’d made of the living room before heading to the shower to clean himself up too.

The house was too quiet. Too empty. And after half an hour on the drums, Josh felt more drained than ever before and headed to bed.

 

 

 

 

“Hey Princess,” Tyler smiled against the shell of his ear, pressing a soft kiss there. Fingers toyed with the curls of hair at the nape of his neck, coaxing a smile out of Josh.

“Ty?” his voice was slurred with sleepy confusion. “S’t really you?”

“A dream,” he mumbled against Josh’s pale skin, “but it’s still me.”

Josh grumbled, “dreamin’ ‘bout dreamin’.” It was cute really, at least Tyler thought so, that in his subconscious all Josh wanted was to wake up with Tyler curled up beside him.

“It’s a pretty good dream,” Tyler disagreed, fingers trailing up and down Josh’s exposed skin, following the lines of his arm and disappearing beneath the sheets. Though Josh didn’t verbally respond, he made a questioning noise, “in this dream I get to lie with you.”

The words were whispered in his ear, in this strange dream-state where Josh was strangely tired (and Tyler should have given this more attention) he couldn’t hide the shudder that travelled through his body. “Miss you.”

Tyler nodded against his skin, smiling and pressing loving kisses down, down, down. It wasn’t sexual. It could have been. They were both half-hard and missing each other, but it stayed something domestically intimate. Caring. “You okay? You seem really out of it.”

“Tired,” Josh shrugged, eyes still closed as he turned onto his back.

A frown appeared on Tyler’s face, concern beginning to seep through, “Josh, you’re literally asleep. How can you be tired?” He received another tired shrug. “You’re looking after yourself though?”

“You’ve been away a day Ty, less than that, I’m fine,” Josh snapped, suddenly sitting up and turning away from Tyler. There was something foreign between them, a forced distance, a tension. There was something in their bond that put a foul taste in Tyler’s mouth. “I’m fine,” he whispered, more to himself than the man beside him.

Cautiously he placed a hand on Josh’s shoulder, feeling the twitch of the muscles beneath his warm fingers, “Joshie, I love you. Please tell me if something is wrong.”

“Nothing is wrong Ty, I’m being dumb,” he let himself sink into Tyler’s touch. “I don’t know what’s got into me, I miss you too. And I love you so much.” He turned round with teary eyes, swallowing Tyler’s questions with an eager kiss. “Please don’t make me talk about it, please.”

Tyler didn’t make him talk about it. He kissed him until their lips were sore, they lay together pressed into each other and wallowing in the warmth and comfort. “I can take it away,” Tyler whispered.

“What?”

“That feeling, I can make it go away, you know I can.”

“I don’t want you to,” Josh sighed, kissing Tyler’s head, “I don’t want you to feel this way.” Tyler didn’t hear the unspoken ‘again’.

Tyler frowned, nuzzling into Josh’s warm chest, “please, it hurts me to see you like this. I can feel it now too. It hurts me to see you struggling.” But his whispered pleads went ignored.

 

 

 

 

 

Josh felt like shit.

He felt empty and sluggish. As if someone had drained all the happiness from the world with the flick of a switch.

It had been sudden, without warning and completely suffocating. He wondered briefly if it was a combination of him and Tyler, but knew he was wrong.

He’d decided long ago, after a particularly viscious relapse from Tyler that he’d take as much of his pain as he could. As much of his depression. It worked. Tyler didn’t notice.

It wasn’t everything, not at all, just enough to help Tyler heal. Enough to get them through.

He didn’t know exactly how or why things had gone wrong. Just that they had. Just that he felt like total shit, felt like the world was cold and dark and much better off without him.

He’d found himself in the kitchen with a knife in his hand that morning. Apparently he’d blacked out or something, it felt like mere seconds had passed, in the blink of an eye he had gone from the bathroom to the kitchen with a sharp knife millimetres from his skin.

There was nothing he wanted more (other than Tyler to come home) than to press it against his skin, to paint himself red, paint the floor and the counter and the knife – to make a masterpiece. But he didn’t. He thought of Tyler. Thought of how sad he’d be, thought of how he’d feel knowing he was so far away and couldn’t do a thing, thought of how he’d feel it as if he was doing it to himself.

It would push his baby boy to relapse. He’s sure of it.

So he had to stay strong.

He had to do it for Tyler.

 

 

 

 

 

A new tub of pills and a returned Tyler later and Josh was feeling better. He’d told Tyler what he had to – that he was suffering from depression. That he thought it might be just because they were apart, or because he’d been trying to lessen Tyler’s pain, mentioned that maybe it was emotion’s he’d repressed until now.

But he felt less empty with Tyler around.

It had been a phase.

He had felt it as it happened, he knew it now. It was a moment of weakness, for whatever reason his brain had struggled to deal with it and that was his response.

He ignored that nagging feeling in the back of his mind that it was more than that, he ignored Tyler’s guilt-ridden eyes, he ignored the very _idea_ that maybe Tyler had more understanding than he thought. “I love you,” Josh smiled, kissing Tyler’s cheek.

“I hated seeing you like that,” Tyler mumbled, not looking Josh in the eye.

“And I hate seeing you like that, hate seeing you sad or angry or disappointed. I wish you could just smile 24/7. But we’re broken people Ty, our brains are sick and that’s okay because we have each other. Everyone is broken in their own way. We’ll help each other, like we always have.”

Tyler couldn’t not smile, meeting Josh’s lips for an eager kiss. “We should start working on our album soon,” he muttered, already feeling the stress manifest into a headache.

“Not yet, we have all the time in the world,” Josh deepened the kiss, feeling Tyler relax in his arms as he moved to straddle him. “I missed you, let me show you how much.” Any thoughts of the next album flew from Tyler’s mind, he had a hot boy sitting in his lap and grinding on him as he kissed him like his life depended on it.

There were much more important things on Tyler’s mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hoping you're all still enjoying this. would love to hear what you think, open to suggestions... I think this one will be coming to a close soon.


	12. Chapter 12

And though to Josh it felt like they had all the time in the world to finish their first ‘real’ album, Tyler felt like he was racing the clock.

In reality, it was a healthy mix of the two. Flexible deadlines set by a label that just wanted to nurture the blossoming talent they’d found.

For Tyler, it meant sleepless nights churning out lyrics that often didn’t make sense. For Josh, it meant trying to coax his boyfriend into bed, remind him to eat, drag him into the shower. “We can track this one,” Tyler sighed happily, reading over the lyrics and feeling genuinely proud.

He hadn’t felt good about a song in a while, too often the songs were too raw or just didn’t make sense (too many red bulls and not enough sleep), but this one felt _right_. “Really?” Josh smiled happily, setting his phone aside.

“Yep,” the smile on Tyler’s face was one Josh hadn’t seen in a while, “I think this writer’s block is gone.”

“And what’s this one called?”

“Screen,” his voice was soft as he read over the lyrics again, humming the tune he thought it would go to, a wave of doubt crashed over him.

But being the ever perceptive boyfriend, Josh stepped over, squeezing his shoulder, “it sounds perfect.”

Tyler laughed, leaning into Josh’s touch, “you haven’t heard it yet.”

“Don’t need to,” Josh whispered, kissing Tyler’s neck, “but you hum a lot, you big doofus, and sometimes things drift over the bond.”

“You’re a dick.”

“Whatever, let’s go record.”

 

 

 

 

 

Mark sat quietly, flicking through his phone. “Where is he again?”

“I think he said the studio,” Josh sighed.

“Without you?”

“I suppose, said he wanted to write without distraction.”

Mark frowned a little, “I’m the distraction I guess?”

Another sigh slipped from Josh’s lips as he ran his hands through his hair, “life is the distraction. I’m starting to worry about him Mark.” Mark fixed him with a questioning gaze, “it’s just, I don’t know. Something doesn’t feel right. I’m worried about him.”

“What type of worry are we talking about here? Do we need to be watching him?” Mark caught on immediately, not missing the concern evident on Josh’s face.

“God, I don’t know, not now, not yet,” he whispered, “I’m keeping an eye on things.”

An arm pulled him into a soft hug, “you aren’t doing it alone, okay. We’ll keep an eye on him together, and I’m here for you too.”

Without warning a tear slipped down Josh’s face and he held Mark tighter, “I’m scared Mark, I don’t want us to go through that again. We’ve been so good for so long.”

“It’s going to be okay, recovery isn’t easy. You’ve been lucky, both of you, you have had someone to rely on. And you’ll have each other if it goes wrong. Let him know you’re there for him, keep him grounded and don’t blame yourself.” The words were exactly what Josh needed, Mark holding him close as he cried softly.

“You’re right,” Josh mumbled.

“I always am,” Mark laughed, “Mario Kart?”

The other man smiled, “I’ll get snacks,” he wiped away the last of his tears and grabbed some Doritos and Red Bulls.

They were two races in when the door slammed open, “Josh, you okay?” Tyler called out, voice tinged with concern.

“Yeah,” Josh called back, slightly confused and trying to stay focused. When Tyler followed the sound of his voice he smiled fondly, seeing Mark and Josh nudging each other as they tried to win this race. “Hey,” Josh smiled over at him when he lost.

Tyler noticed the redness around his eyes, “why were you sad? I was worried.” His voice was gentle, eyes flitting to Mark. Adoration washed over Josh, smiling at the words. Tyler came back because he was sad. It sounds stupid, but it was what he needed, a reminder that Tyler was still there and in love.

“It’s nothing,” Josh assured him, “just one of those moments. You wanna play?”

Though for a moment thoughts of writing came to mind, he also saw the hopeful smile on Josh’s face and the pile of Red Bull’s and the food, “you’re going down.”

Josh cheered happily, pulling Tyler down beside him and crashing their lips together. “The only one going down is you.”

“Listen, if you don’t stop with the innuendo’s then I’m gunna punch you both in the face,” Mark grunted, though a smile was tugging at his lips.

“Sorry,” Tyler replied sheepishly, leaning over to whisper in Josh’s ear, “but whoever loses _is_ going down on the other.” No one commented on Josh’s blush, or on the fact that he played with a renewed vigour.

But Tyler wasn’t the Mario Kart champion for nothing. This win meant a little more for him though.

 

 

 

 

And for a long time it seemed as if things were okay. They’d work on songs, Tyler would write, Josh would drum and keep him grounded. They nearly lived in the studio, and if they weren’t there then at least one of them was in the practice room in their apartment.

But Tyler was withdrawing into himself. He stopped going out with Josh, preferring to stay in and write. There was a familiar darkness wrapping round their bond, that suffocating shadow strangling Tyler was painfully familiar to Josh.

He did everything he could. Brought his favourite foods to him when he’d been locked away all day, bought him cute little gifts to make him smile. But it didn’t seem to be enough.

So when things finally broke, Josh couldn’t say he didn’t see it coming.

It was a small dinner. Mark was there, Zach and Jordan were there, Ashley had come too. Small, intimate, fun.

And Tyler left as soon as he’d eaten, muttering sadly about a song he was working on that just _wouldn’t_ come out.

Josh’s eyes stayed trained on the closed door of their practice room, “sorry guys, he’s, uh, not exactly himself.”

“Do we need to worry?” Zach asked.

“No, maybe, god, I just, I don’t know anymore,” Josh groaned, rubbing a hand over his face and pressing his palms against his eyes. “I don’t know anymore.”

It was Ashley who reached over, grabbing at his shoulder, “it’s okay. What about a movie?” They all agreed, though the mood had obviously dropped. Zach couldn’t stop looking from Josh to the closed door, flashes of what used to happen behind closed doors haunting him. And Josh was as much trapped behind that door as Tyler was, his attention far from on the movie or Ashley’s warm (but not as warm as Tyler’s hands). “I can bring the nail polish round,” she whispered, making Josh smile a little.

“He did like it,” he agreed, thinking back to that one particular night. “Maybe I should take him out again, treat him.”

“You know him better than all of us,” she shrugged, “but I’d say that sounds like a pretty sweet idea.”

Suddenly that light reappeared in Josh’s eyes, like he was finally fully in the present, “I could get him his own nail varnish! And some cute flowery clothes and a new keyboard, and flowers and I’ll take him out for dinner and we can find somewhere super cute to go,” he listed excitedly. Jordan and Zach were laughing hysterically as Ashley beamed at her brother.

“He’s lucky to have you,” Zach said once he’d got over his laughter. “Really, he is.”

“You’re both lucky,” Ashley corrected, nudging Josh’s side.

Jordan continued cackling, “yeah, I didn’t think anyone would put up with you.”

Even Josh let out a laugh, and soon that concerned atmosphere had vanished, the movie went ignored as the four of them acted like teenage girls in planning the most perfect day for Tyler. It was nearing 11 o’clock when Ashley finally stood up, pulling her leather jacket on with a yawn, “sorry guys, but I’ve got work tomorrow.”

“Oh man, yeah, I gotta get going too,” Jordan exclaimed, jumping to his feet. He graced Josh with a hug, shouted a goodbye to Tyler (who didn’t respond) and left. Zach followed suit, and Ashley stayed long enough to kiss Josh’s cheek and wish him luck.

The apartment was eerily quiet without them. Even the practice room was silent, no drums or keyboards or ukulele’s, not even a screaming Tyler. With his heart hammering, imagination racing, Josh slowly entered the room.

He probed their bond, not sensing anything out of the ordinary, there had been no pain so he hadn’t been hurting himself. Somewhere he was aware that Tyler _should_ be okay. But, damn, he was worried. And he had cause to.

But he let out a sigh of relief at the scene before him. Tyler was slumped over the piano, mouth hung open as he snored softly – he finally looked in peace. For a moment Josh admired the scene, taking a few pictures because Tyler looked downright heavenly, before moving closer.

Underneath his head was the journal Josh had bought him in New York, the page was filled with frantic scribbled words and strange doodles. A noose. It stared at him from the page and Josh swallowed down the fear.

Tyler would be alright.

He pulled Tyler against him, the tired boy barely stirring. His eyes lingered on the notebook, he wanted to read it, to see what was on Tyler’s mind. But he wouldn’t. Couldn’t. That was Tyler’s special place, the place he’d write his fears and doubts, he couldn’t invade his privacy like that.

So he closed it over, the noose still flashing in his mind, pressed a soft kiss to Tyler’s hair and lifted him up. The brown-haired boy snuggled closer before frowning, “gotta finish my song,” he whined sleepily.

“Ssh, go back to sleep baby boy. It’ll be there in the morning,” Josh cooed, carefully placing him in the bed and trying to get Tyler’s clothes off.

“No, gotta, now,” Tyler sounded desperate, hysterical almost, but his eyes were still closed. He was sleeping. Josh was sure of it.

Something akin to pity surged through him, followed by anger. He was angry that even in sleep Tyler couldn’t find peace. “Baby boy, it’s almost finished, remember?”

His face calmed, the struggling stopped, “yeah, nearly.” The words were a relieved sigh. “Gotta do drums.”

“I’ll do the drums, you sleep. You worked hard,” he whispered, finally getting Tyler’s jeans off.

Tyler didn’t say anything for a while, Josh finally thought he’d fallen back into that deep sleep he’d found him in. “Joshie,” he whimpered.

“What is it Ty?”

“Don’t tell Joshie,” a tear rolled down his cheek and Josh’s heart broke. He felt like he was intruding, like he was seeing something he definitely shouldn’t.

He knew he shouldn’t ask. He knew it. But he had to. The words fought their way out of his mouth, “don’t tell him what?”

“That I want to die,” the words were quieter. Tyler’s face calmed again though, “don’t tell him,” he whispered again. For Josh it felt like the world had been tipped upside down.

It was that bad?

It had got to that again and he’d done nothing?

“I won’t,” he promised, kissing Tyler’s cheek, being vaguely aware of tears rolling down his cheeks, “you’re okay, I won’t tell him.”

A small smile grew on Tyler’s face, “love Joshie,” he mumbled as he turned and pressed himself against Josh, who revelled in their closeness.

He craved the touch, holding Tyler steady in his arms and pressing his lips firmly against his forehead. “Love you too baby boy,” he felt that smile grow a little wider against his skin, listened as Tyler’s breathing evened out and his mutterings grew silent.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“You look tired,” Tyler commented, peering over his shoulder at Josh who was sat on the counter cradling a steaming cup of coffee.

“Didn’t sleep much,” Josh shrugged. Correction – didn’t sleep at all. He spent the night watching Tyler, making sure he was okay, that he slept. Those words echoing in his mind. ‘I want to die.’ “You look like you slept better though.”

Tyler nodded, looking back at the pancakes, “I did, thanks for taking me back to bed. I’m sorry I didn’t come hang with you guys last night.”

“It’s okay,” Josh sighed, “you’re busy and stressed with work, it’s alright. But just remember, you come first Ty, you always come first. You being safe and healthy is all that matters, to me and your family and your friends and the label.”

“I know, grab me two plates would you.” He expertly avoided the topic, doing nothing to lessen Josh’s concern. “Anyway, you wanna head to the studio again? I’ve nearly finished this song and then there’s some I think we can clean up a little.”

He received a strained smile in response, “sure, but if we go to the studio today I want you to take the next two days off.”

“Josh,” he whined whilst pouring maple syrup all over his pancakes.

“No Tyler, you need time off or you’ll burn out.” Josh reached over, taking Tyler’s hand and squeezing it, “please baby boy, for me.”

Though he didn’t look too happy about it, he did eventually nod slowly. “Why didn’t you sleep well?”

Josh felt physically sick just thinking about it, face paling as he shrugged, “I just don’t feel too good.”

Whilst it wasn’t a complete lie, it was enough to make him feel bad. “If you’re sick then maybe we should stay at home today?” Tyler looked worried, watching Josh intently.

“No, not today. I’m alright, I promise. Studio today, then two days to rest.” Perhaps the white lie of illness was what convinced Tyler, as he nodded easily this time. No longer arguing to work non-stop ‘till the album is finished. “Now eat up, can’t have my baby going hungry.”

Tyler scoffed, shovelling a forkful of pancakes into his mouth, “same goes for you, lover boy,” the words were muffled by the food in his mouth. But it made Josh laugh all the same, rolling his eyes as he complied.

 

 

 

 

 

Josh was up and out the next day before Tyler had even stirred.

It wasn’t early though. It was 10:30. Tyler had fallen into bed around 11 and he was still completely dead to the world.

Luckily, it allowed Josh to make his early escape. His first port of call was the music store, out of all the things he was looking for at least with that he knew what to get. He was in and out in under half an hour, almost walking away with another snare (possibly walking away with new super-awesome red drumsticks).

He found the cute little clothing store Tyler had mentioned fairly easily, entering warily and looking around in slight fear. Nearly falling over when a shopping assistant appeared, “can I help you?”

“Uh, maybe, yes, I think,” he stammered.

She smiled sweetly at him, eyes shining sympathetically, “what is it you’re looking for? Or what type of thing?”

“I’m, uh, looking for my boyfriend. He likes flowery things and nail varnish, but pretty colours,” he explained, blushing as his mind wandered to possible adverse reactions.

Instead of the women shouting at him to leave and calling him all the names under the sun, she merely nodded in thought, “I’m guessing this boy is Tyler.” At Josh’s look of surprise she barked out a laugh, “that boy is always in here, you get to know people well.”

A small laugh escaped Josh’s lips, “he never shuts up about the place. He’s feeling a little low, I just wanna cheer him up.”

“You’re just as sweet as he said you were, I hate this world,” she grumbled with a smile, leading Josh to the back of the store. “He’s been looking at these for a while.”

Josh let the fabric run across his fingers, it was light and airy and would fall to just above Tyler’s knees. He knew he’d look gorgeous in it, the dark drape would hang off his body so beautifully and the bright flowers would light up his face.

He could see why Tyler loved it, his boyfriend had good taste. So he grabbed one, holding it carefully. “I’ll take it.”

She nodded again, leading him to some shoes, “just so you know, these would totally match,” she whispered.

“Thanks,” he giggled, finding Tyler’s size and grabbing them too.

“Nail varnish?” Though Josh felt slightly flustered and totally out of his depth, he nodded and let himself get led around the store for hopefully the last time. “This is such a cute peach colour, I think it would match the flowers. You could go for something darker, but I’m guessing we kind of want to brighten him up.”

“Jeez, thank you so much. I’d be lost without you,” Josh took the varnish from the side, Tyler would love it, “this is it for me.” It cost £60. More than Josh wanted to spend, but Tyler was worth it.

There was still no message from him as he walked to a florist, so he assumed Tyler was still sleeping and made a mental note to pick up Taco Bell on the way back. The florist was empty, an old man sat behind the counter surrounded by pots of blooming flowers. “Can I help you young man?”

Fighting back the overwhelming déjà vu he smiled, “I want to get some flowers for my soulmate.”

The man smiled fondly, perhaps lost in a memory, perhaps seeing himself in Josh, “what type of flowers then?”

“I love you like crazy, I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, please never be sad again,” Josh smiled sheepishly, cheeks a burning red by now.

“I think I can string something together,” the man assured him, reaching over to pat Josh’s arm. “For now?”

“Delivery if possible, tomorrow?”

After checking his diary the old man pencilled it in, “is there anything else?” Josh’s eyes had been on the cacti on the shelf behind him. Something about those sturdy little plants made him think of Tyler.

They always seemed to fight through, sure they went through rough patches but they made it. Every time. There was one with a beautiful pink flower, hot pink on the tips and candyfloss at the centre. “Can I have that?”

“Pretty little thing this, a fighter too,” the man smiled.

_Yep. That’s my Tyler._

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tyler was _still_ in bed, snoring softly, when Josh returned. “Ty, wake up. I got Taco Bell.”

“What time is it?” He grumbled, turning to bury his face in the pillow.

“Well into the afternoon lazy bones, if you don’t get up now then you won’t be able to sleep tonight.”

Groaning, Tyler turned back over, shooting Josh a sleepy smile before pulling him in for a kiss. “Why are you so hot?”

“Heating’s on,” Josh joked, moving to grab the bag of food.

Tyler just sighed, rolling his eyes, “I hate you.”

“Mmhm, I’ve noticed,” Josh hummed, leaning over to peck Tyler’s lips. “Eat up Princess, I’ve got a big day planned tomorrow.”

Excitement lit up Tyler’s eyes, “really?”

He was bouncing excitedly, nibbling at his bottom lip, Josh had to hold back a groan and will himself not to get a boner, “yeah, Christmas shopping.”

“No, it’s something else,” Tyler shook his head, grabbing Josh’s arm. But Josh bit back his smile and shook his head. “You’re such a bad liar.”

“Am not.”

Tyler giggled, “stop trying to distract me.”

“Stop trying to ruin my surprise.” He smiled at Tyler again, kissing his cheek and trying to sort out the mess that was his hair. The sleepy boy looked like he’d been dragged through a hedge backwards, it was adorable but also hot as fuck and Josh kind of just wanted to push him to the bed and have his way with him. So instead he thought trying to tame the beast that is Tyler’s hair would be safer. “But we do need to go Christmas shopping.”

“I’m sorted,” Tyler boasted, smiling proudly and wriggling his eyebrows suggestively as he began eating.

Josh shot him a hard look, “sex is not a good enough present for Christmas.”

“It’s not sex, at least definitely not now. Have fun with your hand Josh,” Tyler snapped playfully, shuffling to the side and refusing to meet Josh’s gaze.

“God, I hate you,” Josh laughed.

It didn’t take long for Tyler to join him, unable to keep a straight face, “I’ve noticed.”

 

 

 

 

 

Both Josh and Tyler were able to catch up on their sleep that night, drifting off with Tyler wrapped around Josh and breathing against his neck. With the steady heartbeat of his lover against his back Josh was asleep in no time to the sound of his favourite lullaby.

It was the shrill alarm of the doorbell that eventually woke them. Neither of them conscious enough to fully realise the situation, “I go’ it.” Tyler’s voice was slurred with sleep as he stumbled to his feet, pulling on Josh’s crewneck and rubbing tired eyes as he headed for the door.

He must have been halfway there when Josh realised who it was, suddenly shooting up in bed. “Tyler, wait,” he shouted frantically, trying to pull his jeans on as he jumped his way to the door.

Whether Tyler decided to ignore him remains unclear, but Josh was just rounding the corner when the door opened. “Sorry, you must have the wrong house,” Tyler smiled, almost apologetically. Like it would have been his fault if this was wrong.

It was that same old man, he met Josh’s eyes who was hovering behind Tyler, he just let out a low chuckle, “no, it’s for you. From someone who loves you very much.” A bright smile and deep blush appeared on Tyler’s angelic face, it was beautiful. “You should smile more, it suits you.”

“Thank you, thank you so much,” Tyler laughed, nearly crying he was so happy.

“It’s not me you should be thanking,” pointing to Josh, “he cares for you very much son, don’t forget that.” And Josh barely had time to smile in thanks before a happily crying Tyler was hanging from his neck. The next time he looked up the man had left, wanting to give the couple their privacy.

Josh made a mental note to go there again – not just to see the man (and learn his name) but because the genuine glee on Tyler’s face had him seeing stars and feeling like he was flying. “You like?”

“Oh, Josh I love them, thank you, thank you, thank you,” he was peppering Josh’s face with kisses, moving down to his neck. It was adorably innocent, Tyler was all smiles and bouncing happiness. “I should put them in a vase!”

As Tyler trimmed the flowers and carefully placed them in the vase, arranging them with a concentrated glare and teeth biting his bottom lip, Josh watched on with a fond smile. His position leaning against the doorframe gave him the perfect view, a smiling Tyler with eyes that seemed to glow as he gazed lovingly at the flowers. As he stepped back proudly, Josh’s smile grew even wider, with both his face and his chest hurting at the sheer amount of happiness, “they look beautiful Ty.”

Tyler squealed, laughter bubbling up out of him, “Jishwa, I love you, when did you sort this? How? You’re such a beautiful person, so wonderful, I’m so lucky,” he had thrown himself at Josh again. Latching himself to his torso and speaking hurriedly into his neck.

For a moment Josh thought he might have a heart attack, the sheer amount of happiness from the both of them nearly suffocating him, “yesterday,” he responded with a blush, “I love you Ty. I’d give you the world if I could Baby Boy.”

When their lips met it was something a little more heated, there was a passionate fire behind it. “Anything else planned?” There was _that_ look in Tyler’s eyes, his fingers playing with the button on Josh’s jeans.

“It can wait,” Josh growled, pressing their lips together hungrily. There were no complaints from Tyler, he jumped up and let Josh carry him to the bed, refusing to let his lips leave Josh’s skin for even a moment. “Love you so much,” he mumbled into his skin.

It was a promise, an admission, a realisation. It was everything.

And it was nothing. It meant nothing whilst simultaneously everything, it was a beautiful heat of the moment slip of the tongue that made their hearts soar between stuttering beats. A phrase they’d heard so often, spoken in moments of passion and intimacy. The warmest moments and even those days when they want to scream and shout (and cry) at the other. But it never truly stopped being the most beautiful words they’d ever heard. “You too, fuck Josh, you too.”

Tyler seemed desperate, already falling apart in Josh’s arms. His hips were bucking up into Josh’s, hands desperate to _touchtouchtouch_. He wanted more. It was clear this wasn’t going to be slow and sensual (Josh was hoping to get to that later), for now it’s hot and heavy. Quick and fast. And hopefully hard.

And Josh was pretty damn hard. “Fuck me Ty,” Josh mumbled against his skin, “fuck me hard.”

“Oh god,” Tyler whimpered, desperately shedding clothing. “On the bed, down,” he pushed him down, a soft yet firm hand against his chest.

“Wanna feel it Ty, make me feel it,” Josh pleaded, he wanted to _know_ Tyler was here and safe. He wanted the bruises to litter his body, wanted to ache every time he moved.

The younger boy didn’t need telling twice, his hands gripping at Josh’s hips tight and nipping and biting and sucking at the pale expanse of skin. “Hands and knees,” he ordered, voice low and sultry. It was perfection. It made Josh shiver as he rushed to obey, ass on display. “So good for me baby,” Tyler leant down to kiss at Josh’s spine before thrusting a finger inside him.

It was anything but slow. Tyler was rough and forceful, carefully controlling the situation. Below him Josh had his face pressed into the pillow, tears brought to his eyes, it was thee beautiful type of plain that blossomed into the best pleasure. He was whimpering and moaning and pressing back against Tyler’s probing fingers. “Ty-ler,” his voice was broken, barely able to carry that one word.

But it made his point; he was desperate and aching and he _needed_ more. “I got you baby. You okay?” Josh nodded desperately, muffling wordless moans into a pillow. “Speak to me Joshie, wanna know you’re okay?”

“Yes Ty, fuck,” he whimpered, the words thrown out of a raw throat.

“Okay baby, good boy,” there were more gentle kisses, soft hands carding through Josh’s hair. It was a distraction, because seconds after a sweet and sloppy kiss to the nape of his next Tyler was slamming into him.

The shout tore its way from his throat at the unexpected intrusion. For a moment, a terrifying moment, Josh didn’t think the pain would subside. But then it did, and boy, the moan from Josh was pornographic. Tyler thought that noise alone would make him cum.

Somehow he found it in himself to hold on, grabbing Josh’s hips and thrusting. The two of them made matching noises of pleasure and exertion, at some point Josh began pushing back as if challenging Tyler to push him harder. “Gunna cum,” Josh whimpered, tears streaming down his face at this point.

“Do it baby, cum for me.” Tyler followed soon after Josh, collapsing onto the smaller man’s back. “God, that was. That was great.”

Josh laughed breathlessly, chest heaving as he shoved Tyler off to roll over. “I regret doing this first.”

He was still panting, painted in a layer of sweat, and Tyler thought he looked beautiful, shooting him a lazy smile. “Why’s that then Cowboy?”

“Because I ache more than I thought. I’m delaying our day of joy and wonder, by like half an hour. Let’s shower together,” Josh blabbed, his voice hoarse.

There was a momentary frown on Tyler’s face, something like doubt and guilt, “did I ruin your plans?”

They shared a sweet kiss, something reassuring, “in the best way possible. We’re just postponing. Nothing serious. Now, shower with me.” He got to shaking legs, wincing and forcing a smile at Tyler.

“Need a hand,” Tyler laughed.

“You gon’ fucked me good,” Josh giggled, laughing even harder when he was hoisted into Tyler’s arms.

Tyler pressed a kiss to his head, smiling against the skin, “I guess I should help you out.”

“My hero,” Josh swooned, breaking out into yet another fit of giggles. “I love you.”

“And I love you.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tyler still had his hands clasped over his eyes that were squeezed shut, he could hear Josh clattering around and the sound of something rustling. “It’s not Christmas, you know that?”

“I’m aware,” Josh laughed, “this is better than that.”

“Nothing’s better than Christmas,” Tyler mumbled, at Josh’s burst of laughter he too cracked a smile. “How long is this better-than-Christmas going to take?”

Before he could peek through his fingers, soft and warm hands wrapped around his. “Tyler, I, I know you’ve been feeling low lately. You’re under so much stress, but I am so, so proud of you. Okay? And I love you. I love you so much. But I’m watching you work yourself into the ground. So. So, this is so you remember to take a minute okay. I want you to always remember how much I love you, how proud I am no matter what. Okay?” His voice was as gentle as his hands, it was the soft waves of a calm sea lapping at the shore.

“Okay,” Tyler released the word in a breath, “I love you. I know. And I’m proud of you too.”

When Josh carefully pulled back his hands he was nearly blinded by the smile there, “don’t freak out.” He moved to show the small pile of presents, the keyboard already set-up and the clothes neatly folded.

A hesitant hand ran over the fabric, it was careful like a single touch would turn these gifts to dust. “Josh, you shouldn’t have.”

“But I should Ty, you gotta believe you’re worth all of this. You are perfect.”

“How much did all this cost?”

“That doesn’t matter. The smile on your face matters, the fact that for the first time in weeks you’re relaxed matters, the fact that we’re here together matters, the fact we’re madly in love matters. Anything else is unimportant. You matter. How you feel matters. And I’m here to look after you and remind you that you are not a robot.”

He smiled as Tyler pulled on the kimono, it hung off his body just as he expected. “You matter too you know, you’re just as important.” He hoped the answering smile was enough. Words seemed too material for the moment, they weren’t needed.

Instead, he watched Tyler float around the room and from item to item with angelic grace. He watched his fingers as they danced across the keys of the keyboard, watched his smile as he held up the shoes and the nail varnish. And giggled at Tyler’s confusion at the cactus. “Not that isn’t totally cool, but, a cactus?”

“It kind of makes me think of you,” Josh began, pulling Tyler close when he sat down beside him. _Go on_. “It’s strong, and beautiful. It doesn’t give up. It’ll go for miles without anything, it’ll work and work and work on seemingly nothing. But on the outside it looks fine. These things never give up, never die. Neither do you Ty, you always keep fighting. You’re beautiful and sturdy, my little fighter.”

Tyler leant up to kiss his cheek, “did you just compare me to a cactus?”

Josh laughed, loud and proud, “I think I did. Did it work?”

“It worked you big sap,” Tyler giggled, slapping Josh’s chest. They stayed like that for hours, Tyler curled into Josh’s chest, with Disney movies on TV.

And if Tyler kept smiling at the cactus, Josh wouldn’t say a word.

And if Josh let Tyler paint his nails, well, Tyler kind of owed him, didn’t he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the delay! hope you're all still enjoying this. operation make tyler smile continues in the next chapter. i'm going to a cabin in the woods next week for a week without wifi (literal hell) - hopefully will still write and will have stuff to post when I get back. but expect delays my beautiful people. stay alive frens


	13. Chapter 13

Christmas came and went in the blink of an eye.

Tyler got Josh hair dye and Josh nearly cried. It was electric blue. He made them put it in that morning. They ruined the bed sheets with blue dye and there are suspicious stains all over the sofa.

Josh very nearly didn’t get anything for Tyler. The taller boy had insisted he had everything he could ever want or need. So he got a new cactus, nail varnish (and talk about luck in picking up a pastel set because _matching blue_ ) and cute as hell clothes.

They were doing better. The album was nearly done and Tyler wasn’t quite so dead on his feet, some nights Josh would have to drag him to bed (or lure him with the promise of some sexual act), but he was _better_. Josh was better.

It was beautiful.

They seemed more in love than ever before, and really how is that possible?

 

 

 

 

 

And then there were label meetings. Promotion talks. Album cover shoots. Thank you notes. More meetings. Expected sales. Actual promotion. Some more meetings. Live performances. Single releases. Music video recordings.

It was travelling in a slightly larger bus and blacked out SUV’s. It was being addressed as Mr Joseph and Mr Dun. It was having control. It was being scared out of your mind.

It was being recognised on the street and signing autographs. It was being hassled for photos when they were tired and sweaty and just wanted to go home.

It really was everything they’d dreamed and more. It wasn’t easy, but they expected that, it was paying off though and that was more than they could ever ask for.

“What if they don’t like it?” Tyler whimpered the night before the big day – release day. The day they were throwing Vessel out to the world.

Josh pressed a kiss to his forehead, humming softly, “they will love it Ty. They always have.” But the other boy just shook his head, another rasping breath being sucked through panicking lungs. “Tyler. This album is a Vessel. It is a vessel for your thoughts and feelings and anxieties as you wrote, it’s a vessel to pass those on, a vessel to carry us to the next part of our lives. You have to trust that it’ll go in the right direction. And if we’re wrong, we’ll make a new vessel.”

It seemed to work, with Tyler relaxing into Josh’s side, “you’re right, you’re so right,” he mumbled, turning to litter kisses along Josh’s jaw.

“I do that a lot,” Josh laughed softly, hands moving to glide under Tyler’s vest. “You know, I have a feeling that tomorrow is the beginning of something special for us. Everything will change.”

“Good change or bad change?”

For a moment Josh couldn’t respond, his mind stuck on the perfection before him. Eyes lingering on Tyler’s full lips and bright eyes (the same ones that seemed so dull and lifeless just over a month ago) and the way the white vest hung off his body yet seemed to cling at sharp hips. “Good change,” he promised, kissing the words into Tyler’s skin, “good change.”

Pale skin met bronze as they moved leisurely, exploring each other as if it were the first time and they had all the time in the world. It was something more than passion, it was unadulterated love.

 

 

 

 

 

“You mean we have an actual bus?” Josh asked, fixing his hair in the mirror.

“If you weren’t so late you would know,” Tyler laughed through the phone, he was currently sprawled across the sofa in what would be their home on wheels. “It’s _massive_.”

His laughter was returned earnestly, Ty could just see Josh’s head thrown back and his eyes squinting and all those laughter lines grinning at him. “Yeah, well if you hadn’t left me to get ready _on my own_ we wouldn’t have this issue at all.”

Tyler shook his head, still smiling – it seemed to be a permanent feature at the moment. Not that anyone was complaining about that. “You know Ma wouldn’t let me go if I didn’t go and see them. So it was either you pack yourself, or we say no to Fall Out Boy. _Fall Out Boy._ ”

Josh giggled, “I know, I can’t believe it sometimes.”

“And Brendon,” there was something dull in his tone, something dismissive.

“Dallon is there. You know they’re better now,” Josh reminded him carefully, it had been the spark to several heated conversations. “It isn’t our place anyway. They seem happy.”

“I know. You’re right, hurry up and get your ass over here. I wanna fuck you on the sofa.” Josh let out a desperate and surprised moan, rushing his goodbye’s and hanging up, leaving Tyler laughing softly. “Mark?”

There was some clattering from the back of the bus before a sheepish looking Mark appeared, “I was exploring.”

The soft laughter didn’t stop, Tyler even tried covering his mouth but those delicate noises continued to fall like flowers from his lips. “When Josh gets here we’re probably going to fuck.”

“Thanks for the warning,” Mark grimaced, “I’ll go buy some coffee or something when he gets here.”

“Can you believe this Mark?” he sighed, leaning back and staring at the ceiling with thoughtful eyes.

“That you’re going to fuck? Or that the band I saw play in front of 20 people would be touring with two of the most successful scene bands and have songs and an album in the Top 100?” Tyler opened his mouth to reply, but Mark rushed on. “Yes. I can. You deserve all of this. You and Josh are the most talented dudes I know. Really.”

The silence seemed to stretch on for hours. But it was really only seconds, maybe a minute at most. “Oh,” he sighed in wonder.

“So, yes I can believe this. And no, I’m not at all surprised. Next time you’ll be number 1. I can feel it in my bones.”

Tyler smiled, “thank you. I’m so lucky to have you. We’re so lucky. We’ve got such a good group of people with us.”

But Mark just shook his head softly, “passion like yours is infectious. It’s hard not to be motivated to do our best. Undeniable passion births undeniable product.”

For Tyler it was a moment of clarity, an epiphany, if it were a movie the angels would be singing. “Who said that?”

“I did,” Mark laughed.

“Man, why am I surrounded by such smart people?” Before Mark could question him further, the door flew open and Josh fell in.

“Honey! I’m home,” he laughed, face red and smile bright. “Oh, hi Mark.”

Mark just shook his head, moving past Josh to get to the door, “don’t you worry, I’m just leaving. You two kinky assholes get your fill now, God knows we are _not_ putting up with that on the road.”

Despite the dark blush on both boy’s faces, Tyler still muttered a response, “I think you will.”

“Oh god,” Mark groaned as he left, slamming the door behind him and mumbling his complaints.

Almost as soon as it shut he was gone from their minds, not in a mean way. Not at all. Mark really did mean a lot to them, he’d been there since the start. Tyler honestly believes him (and the other crew members) are part of the secret to their success.

But, the pull towards each other was _so_ much more. It was something that couldn’t be explained, couldn’t be verbalised.

It was a soul bond. And it was so beautifully perfect.

So, the door fell shut as did their brains. Thoughts focused only on the person sat opposite them. They moved together in practised efficiency, with a gracefulness usually reserved for a dance. The other’s body was well-travelled land, mapped out better than their own skin.

Sometimes Tyler thinks he could map out the constellations of freckles on Josh’s back from memory, and Josh could find every nook and cranny in Tyler’s skin with a blindfold on.

They were, quite literally, made for each other. They filled every empty space the other had, Josh’s warm touch helped heat Tyler’s cold skin. Just as Tyler’s cool hands would stop Josh from being swallowed by the burning.

Their fingers slotted together like well-used jigsaw pieces, their lips fit together like they were once part of the same masterpiece. (Josh liked to think they were. He saw a Tumblr post about everyone coming from stars, that soulmates came from the same star. And, boy, did he love that idea.) “I love you,” Josh whispered into the crook of Tyler’s neck.

“Mmhmm,” Tyler muttered, nimble fingers getting Josh’s jeans to the floor. “Bunk?” Although moving location was nothing but an inconvenience for them, it felt a little like crossing the line having sex in the public area. Back lounge? Sure. Bunks? Most definitely. But somewhere in both their minds they decided the front lounge would be (late night and rushed) blowjobs only.

Josh’s answer was swallowed by Tyler’s hungry kisses, though clearly affirmative as he hoisted Tyler up and struggled to the bunks with him wrapped around his waist and attacking any open expanse of skin. “Ours?”

Tyler nodded, it wasn’t until the two tried to squeeze in that they realised just how awkward and uncomfortable this would be. “Back lounge? I want this to be good,” Tyler panted, eyes blown wide. There was no further discussion, Tyler tugged Josh along behind him and pushed him down onto the plush leather sofa.

His body was already sticking to the fabric, the thin layer of sweat coating his body glistening under artificial lights. “So pretty,” Josh whispered, despite the fact that it was him Tyler was admiring as he lay on the sofa waiting for him. He reached up a hand, moving slow enough for Tyler to stop him if he wished, running his fingers across Tyler’s face.

A smile blossomed there, his fingers following the lines of his smile, searching the crevices, rubbing his dimples. It was a feather-light touch, reverent.

It was delightfully intimate. And despite the lack of sensuality, it made butterflies soar in Tyler’s stomach (butterflies that were slowly travelling down to his dick). “Hands by your side,” is voice was soft, but Josh obeyed immediately.

And dear god, if there was ever a day that didn’t make Tyler’s cock twitch then he was very very sick, because it was the hottest thing he’d ever witnessed. “Ty,” Josh whimpered, hips bucking slightly, as Tyler was absorbed in his thoughts and admirations Josh had been left ignored and _oh so_ desperate.

“Shush Joshie, I got you,” he murmured, moving down to kiss at his exposed chest moving down and down and down before totally skipping Josh’s leaking cock straining against his boxers. Though the heat of his breath made Josh let out a throaty whine-like moan. “I got you,” he pressed the words into pale thighs.

“Please Tyler, please, I just, please,” and dear god, Josh was the prettiest little picture right now, with bitten red lips and deep red cheeks. Fading blue hair sticking to his forehead, sweat rolling down his toned body, the deep purple marks on his pale thighs, the way he was shaking with desperation and his cock so desperate for his attention.

With a slow and deliberate hand Tyler reached out to palm Josh through his boxers, “wanna remember you like this forever.”

Josh moaned, hips stuttering into Tyler’s warm hand, “take a picture,” he moaned. The words made Tyler froze, “do it.”

It wasn’t something they’d ever discussed (add it to the very long list), but he searched Josh’s face for any sign of regret. His eyes seemed pretty clear considering the circumstances and when he bit his lip, blinking at Tyler through fluttering lashes any doubts flew from his mind.

Somewhere in his mind Tyler made the compromise that if Josh changed his mind (because it was a pretty heated moment and his choices may not always be the wisest) then he would delete them. Immediately. Or maybe after a long look.

Yeah, definitely after a long look.

“Okay, shit,” he shot off the bed, scrambling to get his phone. When he returned Josh had wiggled up, half sitting and had a hand in his pants. He had the sense to look bashful, but Tyler had a sneaking suspicion it was all for the camera.

His hands were shaking, but god the picture looked great. And then Josh’s head fell back in pleasure, another snap. “Tyler,” he gasped – _and_ fuck.

“Uh, hands, Josh, hands,” Tyler stammered, snapping another picture. “One without the boxers?” His voice had evened out a little, but Josh knew him well enough to detect the wavering. He still did as he was asked though, biting at his lips. “Okay, okay.”

It seemed that with the photos all taken Tyler seemed frozen, this was new ground, and maybe if Josh wasn’t so painfully hard he would also be unsure of what to do. But lucky for them he was more than wager to continue.

Uncharacteristically leaning forward to snatch Tyler’s phone from his hands and throw it from his grip. Thankfully Tyler didn’t shout (Josh had his concerns, after all, he had been told to stay still) and instead surged forwards to meld their mouths together.

Prep was rushed, both boys too desperate to really give it the attention it needs. It was Josh’s incessant begging and reassurances that he was ‘fucking ready, damn it’ that finally broke him. “Alright, tell me if I need to stop.” Josh nodded, muttering something along the lines of “yes, god, just fuck me.”

The moans escaping the two of them as Tyler finally pushed in were pornographic, for a fleeting moment Tyler entertained the thought of recording this too. Of having these purely erotic noises on his phone for those lonely nights, or the ones when they just couldn’t get time alone. But then Josh pushed back against him, rolling his hips, and his attention was brought plummeting back to the present day as he started thrusting into his boyfriend.

It felt like it was over far too quickly, after a few minutes Josh began tightening around Tyler, “so close baby, so close,” he whined. This only spurred Tyler on, his thrusts becoming more erratic, his grip on Josh’s hips vice-like.

“Fuck baby,” he groaned, leaning down to press a messy kiss to pale skin, “Josh!” He came with a shout of Josh’s name, collapsing against slick skin.

Through the haze of his orgasm he began to stroke Josh’s cock, Josh couldn’t help but jerk into the movement, speeding up Tyler’s hand. “Ty, Ty,” his lovers name fell from his lips over and over and over, before he came with a broken cry. “Shit,” he gasped, falling back and pulling Tyler down with him.

“We need to shower,” Tyler whispered, nuzzling closer to Josh. “First, snuggles.”

Josh giggled, pressing a kiss to Tyler’s head. “That was pretty awesome.”

“You bet it was.”

A moment of comfortable silence passed before Josh shifted beneath him, looking down at him with a feral grin, “next time I’m getting pictures of you.”

 

 

 

 

 

Josh had anticipated awkwardness between Tyler and Brendon, it was inevitable. But the reality of it was so much worse.

Tyler refused to talk to him, look at him, interact with him. He would pretend he wasn’t even in the room and ignore Dallon if he had something to say about him. (Something like, “we’ve worked it all out Ty, things are good for us now. He’s changed.”)

The boys from Fall Out Boy were nothing short of angels, Pete was an endless source of laughter and Patrick proved to be the perfect soundboard for new ideas. Joe could always be found with a snack and an easy smile, ready to take your mind off any issue (especially if that issue is not having had alone time with your boyfriend in _weeks_ ) and Andy was their confidant no matter what.

And for the life of them they couldn’t wrap their heads around Tyler’s issue with Brendon. It was evidently more than band rivalry; Josh was falling back into his friendship with Brendon – it’s just as strained as it had always been.

They’d all been laughing, Tyler and Josh were sat with the boys from FOB and it was going great. Then Dallon walked in, with Brendon under his arm and Tyler fell silent, abruptly ending the story he had been telling through his giggles about Josh.

“I’m going to the bus,” he announced, getting up and walking out without another word or waiting to hear the other’s. He gave Dallon a brief smile, but Brendon didn’t even get the honour of a glance.

All eyes were on the retreating figure, watching the door slam close. “I have to fucking ask, what is that?” Pete blurted, Patrick blushing on his behalf and shooting him a harsh glare.

“Nothing,” Brendon muttered, looking at least a little ashamed about it.

“It was far from nothing,” Josh sighed, he felt a little guilty about seemingly taking Tyler’s place in the sly comments department.

“It was nothing,” Dallon said.

“No. You don’t get to say that,” Josh snapped, stunning everyone. “Ty and I had to pick up your broken pieces, you don’t get to write that off. Not by a long shot.” He didn’t care about the hurt that flashed across both Brendon and Dallon’s faces. “You broke him Brendon, and when he broke a part of Tyler did too. You had no right to do that to him, to leave him like that. If Dallon decides to take you back then so be it, but Tyler won’t forgive you that easily. And I find myself agreeing with him. Don’t expect us to pick up the pieces this time.”

And with those words echoing in the room and Pete looking like he wanted the ground to swallow him whole, Josh left.

He found Tyler crying in his bunk. He didn’t need to ask. He could feel the swirls of anger and guilt and sadness. Inside of Tyler was an angry hurricane and a fierce tornado, Josh could feel only a fraction of this. “Ty, don’t cry for them,” he said softly, pushing Tyler aside and climbing in next to him.

It was far from comfortable, but he’d manage it. Tyler sniffed sadly, wiping at his face, “I’m just, I, why did he go back to him? I don’t understand it.”

“Oh Ty,” Josh pulled him into his chest, running a hand through soft hair, “it was entirely his choice. They seem better now. Okay? You need to stop letting it bother you, please. I hate seeing you like this.”

There was a shaky nod into his chest, “he was so hurt.”

“But now he’s not, and it’s okay to not like it – I don’t like it. But we gotta live with it.”

“Why are you back here anyway?” Tyler sounded a little brighter, Josh saw it for what it was – a victory, an attempt to follow Josh’s advice.

Josh let out a hoarse laugh, “yeah, I may have snapped at Dallon and Brendon.” Those words coaxed a giggle from Tyler.

“That’s my boy,” he laughed, tears forgotten. “Did it work?”

“I dunno, I left. Glad I did, now I get to kiss you,” he pressed his lips against Tyler’s cheek, trying hard to fight a smile as Tyler giggled and squirmed beneath him.

“Jish! Stop it,” fingers were jabbing into his sides, tickling him relentless as he was left breathlessly begging for relief. Josh didn’t stop, pausing only for him to breathe before continuing his two-pronged attack, pressing kisses wherever he could reach (and risking a pretty nasty looking head-butt). “JISH!”

Slowly the bus came to life, muffled talking and TV and machines – not that it stopped Josh. “What is it? Tell me what you want Ty.”

His smirk was pure evil, fixing Tyler with a look of mischief. “Get off,” Tyler gasped.

Slowly and deliberately Josh rolled his hips against the squirming mess, “I could do that,” his voice was smooth and sultry, low and teasing in the most infuriating way.

“Jish,” Tyler whined, though now he wasn’t quite sure what he was asking for. “The crew.”

There was another roll, providing a delicious friction, before suddenly Josh’s warmth was gone. “You’re right, best stop.” A cheeky wink and that gorgeous smile, then he was gone. Leaving Tyler with a tent in his trousers and a frown.

 

 

 

 

 

When Tyler did eventually join them he was pouting, though it melted away as he watched Josh from the doorway. He was laughing at the other’s, kicking butt at Mario Kart and bragging playfully. As he noticed Tyler his smile grew wider, “come play Ty! You’ll destroy us all.”

“No, that’s not fair,” Mark groaned, resigning himself to defeat, as did half the crew.

“I can take him,” Michael smirked, sparking Tyler’s competitive spirit.

He strode over, eyes alight, “you are so on.”

“Fuck yes!” Josh cheered. “Popcorn, someone bring popcorn,” he squealed excitedly. The game didn’t start until they each had two cans of Red Bull and a snack within arm’s reach.

It was a one-on-one. The crew (and Josh) gathering as spectators, placing bets on who would win. Tyler was overjoyed to hear most of the crew bet on him. There were cheers and shouts, flailing arms and thrown Cheetos (Josh’s attempt to distract).

The result was as expected. Tyler destroyed Michael. Completely and utterly.

At some point Josh fell asleep on Tyler’s shoulder, this didn’t stop the game at all – merely paused it as they laughed and took photos to tease him with later. Then continued, with Ty making an effort to stay as still as possible.

“Time for bed!” Mark announced after Michael threw the controller to the ground with a cry.

“But Dad,” Tyler whined, giggling a little. “It’s not my bedtime.”

Sam frowned at them, “we gotta clean this mess up too.” At this Tyler jumped to his feet, leaving an exhausted Josh to slump into the empty space – still asleep.

“Going to bed!” He hoisted Josh into his arms, who groaned but pressed himself closer. He ignored the protests from some crew members and denied the offers of help. “I have him, really, I can handle it,” he assured Mark for the thousandth time.

Getting Josh into the bunk was the hardest part, he refused to loosen his vice-grip on Tyler’s shirt. “Stay,” he sighed, still asleep. The word was soft and pleading, so innocently beautiful that Tyler caved instantly.

Somehow he managed to clamber in with Josh clutching at him, wiggling them under the sheets. Clothes were going to have to stay, but with Josh’s gentle breaths fanning on his skin and feeling his steady heartbeat against his chest he couldn’t find it in himself to care.

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Josh woke in the night wrapped around Tyler he decided to pay him back.

Shuffling the jeans down to his knees was the hardest part, he was careful not to wake him. That would spoil the surprise.

He was grinning when he took Tyler into his mouth, humming as he starting sucking and bobbing his head. Feeling Tyler harden in his mouth was a foreign feeling, but made that tiger-like grin grow wider. Tyler still hadn’t woken, in his sleep he started moaning softly, hips stuttering.

“Joshie?” The word fell groggily from Tyler’s lips, swallowed in a moan. “Fuck,” he groaned, bucking his hips up as he realised _exactly_ what was happening.

Josh pulled off with a pop, “quiet baby boy, the others are asleep.” That grin was a permanent feature on his face, before Tyler could question just _why_ he was getting sucked off at God knows what time his cock was in Josh’s mouth and there were no thoughts other than, fuck, more, Josh.

“Close, close,” Tyler whined, knuckles white in the sheets. He was thrusting into Josh’s mouth relentlessly watching those swollen pink lips swallow every inch of his hard dick. “Josh!” He came with a muffled cry, shoving a fist into his mouth in an effort to not wake up every crew member.

“Good?” Josh smiled, nuzzling into Tyler’s neck.

“The best,” he laughed, still a little breathless, “what did I do to deserve this?

There wasn’t really an answer. Not one in particular. “Being yourself I guess. Everything you do, did, will do.”

“Is it tiring being this cheesy?”

Josh’s laughter bubbled up out of him, “sometimes.” He silenced Tyler’s next quip with a deep kiss. “Shut up, I wanna sleep.”

“You woke me up,” Tyler grumbled good-naturedly. “Night Princess.” The only response he got were Josh’s soft snores.

 

 

 

 

Dallon and Brendon were snuggled up, much like Tyler and Josh, “what if we just lock all of us in a room?”

The suggestion just made Dallon laugh, “he’ll come round.”

“They hate me,” Brendon sighed.

“You deserve it.”

There was silence and Dallon wondered if he had gone too far. “I do.”

“Bren-”

“No, I do. But I’ll change their mind if it takes me years, I’m not letting you go and I’m not letting them drop you because of me.” They shared a sweet kiss, both smiling a little too much to make it any more than two faces meeting.

Dallon hadn’t smiled like this in a while, “tomorrow. We’ll talk to them tomorrow.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the wait lovelies. been in a rough place, got into uni and have lost some motivation for this. trying to bring it to a close now so I can start something new. love you all, would love to hear what you think.
> 
> this chapter kind of sucks. stay alive frens


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning - Self-harm. Rape/Non-con  
> Stay safe lovelies

“I’m sorry.” He hadn’t meant to start a conversation yet, Dallon had said to wait so he planned to wait. But the guilt was eating him alive and he hated it.

“What was that?” Tyler asked, managing to look at Brendon for a moment (perhaps death glare would be a more apt description of the cold look directed at the other singer).

Brendon glanced around the room, Josh was pretending not to listen and Dallon was gone. Meaning Brendon had no back-up if this went sour. With a nervous gulp he responded, “I’m sorry.”

That cold and calculated stare remained trained on him, not faltering or softening for a second, “for what exactly?”

“Leaving. Breaking him. Getting him back. For letting someone else pick up the pieces.”

“You should be,” Tyler spat, at this Josh looked up with a frown – the anger he felt in his veins was all from Tyler and he felt sick because of it.

“Ty, maybe you should-”

“No Josh, he broke him. No. No. No.” Something about the way he said it, the despair and sadness and desperation led Josh to believe this might not _all_ be about Brendon and Dallon. But they’d promised not to dig in each other’s minds. Promised to give each other a little space.

So he watched carefully, monitoring his emotions and prodding gently. “I regret it every day. I hate myself for leaving him. I was stupid and selfish. I was scared of being in love, of sacrificing my reputation and I ran. Ran into the arms of someone else eventually. But the whole time I thought of him, of how much he had loved me. I was with a man too much like me, he was afraid and hiding and manipulative and both the worst and best thing to happen to me. I can see how stupid I was, Dallon deserves the world. I know that.”

Josh was won over, completely, because he knew Brendon was not the best with speaking about his feelings and that speech, well it was eloquent and heartfelt. 10/10. “It’s alright Brendon,” he assured him, placing a hand on Tyler’s knee. “Don’t fuck up again. We will kill you.”

Brendon laughed nervously, watching Tyler more than Josh, “I know you won’t forgive me yet, but I’m going to work for it Tyler. I hope that we can become friends, I’m in love with your best friend and you’re in love with mine.” He shot him a gentle smile before leaving.

“What’s up?” Josh asked as soon as they were alone.

Tyler looked at him with vacant eyes, blinking slowly. It was like looking into the past, seeing that Tyler from when they first met. “Headache,” he mumbled, but something was _off_.

“You wanna nap on the bus?” Looking at Tyler was like seeing a zombie, the switch in him had been instant, but the most disturbing part – for Josh anyway- was that his emotions hadn’t changed.

How long had he been hiding this?

 

 

 

 

 

They fell back into their old routine, back into loud parties and laughing and drinking and having fun. Expect this time Brendon was getting on with Tyler and thigs were _okay_.

Not okay – amazing.

Josh watched Tyler carefully for the next week, but it seemed maybe it was just a headache. The smiles didn’t seem strained, his laughter not forced and he was _choosing_ to socialise.

Of course he had those dark days, but that’s nothing new. He would cuddle up with Josh in the back lounge and whisper about his fears and insecurities and Josh would reassure him and when they left the room it was like the words had never left his mouth.

It was a safe place.

It was so beautifully Josh and Tyler. They loved it. And if Josh was having a bad day or a panic attack, Tyler would take his hand and help him breathe again. They’d count breaths and Tyler would do all the autographs and photos whilst Josh napped or played drums or ate.

Josh dyed his hair a vibrant red, and Tyler got the dye all up his arms and all over the bedsheets.

No-one questioned it.

“You coming out with us tonight?” Josh asked, but he knew the answer. Tyler had barely moved, had the blanket pulled up over his head and was grumbling occasionally.

“No,” his voice cracked and broke, as if he had been crying.

Warning bells were ringing for Josh at this point, “movie night in the back?”

“You go,” he turned to face him with red-rimmed eyes, “I’m just gunna sleep.”

But something didn’t sound right. Not even a little bit.

Josh’s stomach was twisted up, he felt so so sick, “sure? If you need me-”

“I’m fine Josh, I don’t need you.” There was something distinctly hurtful about that, the way it was hurled, the look on his face. He leant over and pressed a chaste kiss to Josh’s lips. “Go and enjoy yourself,” he sighed, before returning to his hiding place under the sheets.

It felt wrong to walk away, to leave it at that. But he did. “Keep an eye on him, please,” he whispered to Mark before heading out. He couldn’t wave away his concern, not this time.

He was terrified. And here he was running away.

Brendon would be proud.

 

 

 

 

 

Tyler did eventually drag himself from his bunk, falling into a seat in the lounge with the remaining crew. The TV was just background noise, the sounds in his head were so much louder. It took dedication and effort, but he managed to ignore the itch of self-harm.

He had done it without any help and he felt good.

Really good.

Then something unusual happened. He felt something, not something new, the feeling itself was familiar – arousal. It wasn’t his. It was Josh’s.

A fierce arousal coursing through Josh, something Tyler had only felt when they were with each other. “Who is Josh out with?” He asked, voice trembling.

“Brendon, Pete, some other band guys I think.”

He felt sick. He _had_ to know, he tried prodding at their bond, trying to get a feel for just who Josh was lusting over. All he got were bright and swirling lights, like seeing something through a kaleidoscope.

It made him feel worse than before. He ran to the toilet, throwing up the small amount of food Mark had convinced him to eat.

_He likes someone else. It was only a matter of time. He’ll leave you._

The thoughts were so loud, louder than before, as loud as before Josh. Just thinking his name made him hurt, made his skin itch and burn and his stomach threaten to spill what little food and water was left.

His hand found the razor without much thought. He couldn’t help but notice that his crimson wrists matched Josh’s hair.

 

 

 

 

 

Josh was drunk. So drunk.

“One hit Josh, it’ll be fun,” Brendon slurred, holding the joint out.

He had never been one for drugs, but everyone around him was so smiley and here he was worrying about the boy he had _chosen_ to walk away from. With a deep breath he took the joint, to the cheers of others. “One hit.”

But one hit turned into two, turned into three, turned into someone bringing out cocaine. Josh wasn’t in a state to say no. The world was just a swirling mess of bright colours and loud laughter.

Someone was dancing on him, grinding and bouncing on his clothed dick. His body betrayed his mind, jeans tightening and as he took another hit he let himself enjoy it. Laughing as he held their waist, pressed against their neck.

 _Not Tyler._ His brain supplied, he mumbled something like a protest. But his lips were numb and his limbs were jelly and he was being led to somewhere quieter and lights were dimmer. And it was warm and there was someone touching him and kissing him and it _wasn’t Tyler._

But time felt wrong and his body wasn’t working like it used to and he convinced himself that it _was_ Tyler. That he’d come after all and he was the warm presence along his back and kissing up his spine. That it was Tyler making those noises behind him and moaning far too loudly. That it was Tyler who was making his world spin dangerously and positioning trembling limbs.

It was Tyler. It was Tyler. It was Tyler.

He let the feelings swallow him whole, didn’t want to think of someone else being behind him. It was Tyler.

He didn’t feel the familiar pain in his wrists, he was blissfully numb. Jolts of pleasure rung through him and he let the waves swallow him whole.

 

 

 

 

 

Tyler was crying. A lot.

There was so much red. But not enough. He wouldn’t die. Not from this. Pass out maybe, regret it definitely. But not die.

His own pain, which was considerable, tied with Josh’s disorientated arousal had Tyler gagging. Not a single part of his body felt right, it was as if someone had taken him apart and stitched him back together all wrong. “Mark!” He called out, voice wrecked.

Somewhere in his mind he questioned when their next show was. This wasn’t easy to hide. Not at all. The world was going fuzzy at the edges and his thoughts were running from him like terrified rabbits in the path of a rabid dog.

Tyler was the rabid dog.

Or was it Josh?

Maybe Tyler was the rabbit.

The incessant banging on the door broke him from his daze, “Tyler, what is it? Open up.” He sounded terrified. Guilt washed over Tyler, Mark would be destroyed when he saw this. Josh would be destroyed and there’s no way in hell Mark’s keeping this quiet.

“I don’t feel good,” Tyler mumbled, words slurring together. His lips weren’t moving right. Or they felt that way. Everything felt numb, felt slow.

“Let me in buddy,” his voice was so soft, a reserved panic. A small smile graced Tyler’s face as he unlocked the door. “Fuck,” was the last word he registered.

He didn’t pass out and he sees that as an achievement. Mark led him to the lounge, had Michael cleaning the bathroom up and Sam finding the first aid. “Who’s gunna call Josh?” Sam asked, handing over the first aid kit. Tyler was mostly cleaned up, revealing the numerous cuts littered on his skin.

The bleeding had mostly stopped, bar a few deeper incisions, and Mark felt a lot more in control than he had 10 minutes ago. “Uh, I guess I will. Can you start bandaging him up?”

Sam had barely nodded his head before Mark was in the back lounge with a phone pressed to his ear, “you better fucking pick up.” Josh didn’t answer. And if all his concern wasn’t with Tyler, he may have thought this strange, but there was a broken bleeding boy and that took everything from him. In the end he phoned Patrick, trusting him to be the sober one.

“Mark?”

“Patrick, thank fuck, is Josh there? We’ve got an emergency.” He could hear the loud music in the background fading as Patrick went outside, it sounded like chaos wherever they were.

“I haven’t seen him in a while actually, when you say emergency?” he let the word trail off, trust Patrick to not even ask the question straight out.

It put something like a smile on Mark’s face (a glance in the mirror showed it was more of a grimace), “Tyler relapsed, he’s not very responsive right now. I just, Josh has always dealt with this, you know.” The words were rushed and stunted, his panic and fear becoming more pronounced.

It seems Patrick caught on because the music got louder, “I’ll round everyone up, he’ll call you on the way back.”

And he did. 15 minutes later Josh’s name flashed on his screen, his was back with Tyler, trying to coax some sort of response from him but received nothing more than grunts and small head movements. “Josh?”

“MARK!” He cheered, far too happily. “Mark, where’s Tyler?”

“Josh, Tyler’s hurt.” Mark snapped bluntly, angry at the state of his friend. Angry that he would miss this in his lover.

“He isn’t hurt,” there was a deep frown on his face as Josh blinked rapidly, “he was, he was with me. Like 10 minutes ago.”

Something was wrong. Josh was on speakerphone and everyone was unconsciously holding their breath because something was very wrong. “He stayed in the bus Josh,” Michael reminded him gently.

“No. No. He. He came late. Because, we danced. And he, we, in the bedroom and he was there,” Josh was panicking now because it was _not_ Tyler, not Tyler at all and the lie was crumbling around him and he _knew_.

There was a muffled ‘shit’ from Pete in the background and a tear rolled down Tyler’s face and the crew were silent. “That wasn’t Tyler.”

At this statement Josh broke down, sobbing and breathing in short gasps, “I said no no nonononono, I wanted Tyler. Ty. Ty. And it, it wasn’t, not Tyler, and and I thought it was it was dark and spinning and all the lights were like fireworks. I. Where’s Ty?”

“Joshie,” Tyler whimpered, feeling a little like shit. He had done this, ruined himself, and Josh was being _raped_. He was mad at his boyfriend for being raped. “Joshie, come home. I need you.”

 

 

 

 

 

It was a mess of tears when Josh stumbled into the room, his eyes red and not just from the crying. Mark knew straight away, one look at Josh’s face and a glimpse of the guilt on Brendon’s and he had the scenario painted in his head.

Neither boy had it in them to be mad at the other, they cried for each other and for themselves as a tangled heap on the sofa before they fell asleep there. Leaving the crew, Pete, Brendon and Patrick sat in an awkward silence. “He was high, wasn’t he?”

Of course, Mark would be the one to break the silence. As much as he respects the others in the room, his allegiance is with the exhausted boys. Not any of them. “Yes. Weed, took some coke too.” The regret dripped from every single word, if it wasn’t for the complete disgust and hatred Brendon had aimed at himself Mark would have ripped him to pieces right there.

“And the person who took him upstairs?”

The words left a vile taste in his mouth and viler images in his mind. “I didn’t see, I swear.”

“I think the only way we’ll find out is if Josh goes to the hospital,” Pete’s voice was unusually soft, another reminder of the severity of the moment.

If.

If.

“There is no _if_ ,” Michael snapped protectively.

Pete just looked at us all pityingly, “if he doesn’t want to go then no-one can make him. He was high, he was drunk, the dude was tripping. He thought it was Tyler. In his mind he probably sees there is no case here, and if it were to go further there’s no evidence of a rape.”

“He didn’t want this,” Mark frowned causing Pete to shake his head instantly.

It was Patrick who spoke up though, “that isn’t what he’s saying, not at all. Anyone with eyes can see how in love they are with each other. They just seem to be magnets for bumps in the road. This night has been a mess, but we’ll deal with it together. We need to remember though, it’s not about us. It’s about Josh and Tyler and where they want this to go.”

“I think, uh, we should all sleep. Meet here tomorrow?” Brendon suggested, eyes watery. The response was dull and drained, but people slowly dispersed.

Mark stayed though, curled up in a small chair and watching over his boys with tired eyes.

 

 

 

 

 

When Josh woke up the first thing he felt was warm. He held onto that, the warm and safe feeling, before a puff of breath fanned onto his neck. That warm feeling was an arm. _NOTTYLERNOTTYLENOTTYLER._ He shot up with a shout, scrambling to the wall.

“Josh, it’s okay man, everything is okay,” Mark assured him sleepily, slowly approaching him.

By this point Josh had curled into a ball, rocking softly as he cried. “It wasn’t Tyler, it wasn’t, it wasn’t.”

“It’s alright Josh, it’s okay. This isn’t your fault,” Tyler assured him, looking over with teary eyes.

“I, I fucked up. I shouldn’t have had a drink, shouldn’t have done _drugs_. Fuck,” he buried his face in his hands, shoulders shaking with silent sobs, “I should have stayed with you.”

Tyler moved beside Josh, sitting close enough to feel the heat of his body but afraid to touch him. “I relapsed last night.” This brought out a broken sob from Josh, Tyler too was crying but he ignored it. “I relapsed because I thought you were with someone else. I. I should have asked you to stay last night, that was on me. I should have given you a chance to explain, I should have called you, I should have been with you.”

“No, no, this isn’t on you Tyler, please, please see that,” Josh cried, looking up at Tyler with desperate eyes.

A thin-lipped smile appeared on the taller boy’s face, “it is just as much my fault as it is yours Joshie.” Josh fell into Tyler, wrapping himself around his body and pressing himself as close to the other boy as physically possible.

They stayed wrapped around each other for hours, every movement of Tyler’s was slow and deliberate, he tried not to hold on too tight. Occasionally Josh would tense under his touch, fluttering eyelashes would look up into Tyler’s soft honey eyes and he’d calm once more.

Eventually he exhausted himself through crying, falling into a fitful sleep in Tyler’s arms. “Mark, I’m scared,” Tyler whispered, eyes locked on Josh’s body.

“Me too Ty. But we gotta stay strong, for Josh.”

“For Josh,” Tyler whispered. Because for him, he’d do absolutely anything.

 

 

 

 

 

Dallon had to drag Brendon to the twenty one pilots’ bus in the end, he had barely slept with the guilt weighing down on him. They ran into Pete and Patrick on the way, finishing their journey in silence. “What are we going to do if they can’t play?” Dallon asked.

“I think that’s the least of our problems,” Pete responded quietly, he looked worried. An emotion he doesn’t show easily. “We should knock first, he’s probably a little jumpy.”

It felt strange, not just barging onto their bus like they owned it. Stood outside awkwardly waiting for someone to let them in, it was Mark who opened the door eventually, breathing a sigh of relief. “He’s just woken up again.”

“And?”

“He stopped crying this time, but he’s quiet,” he shrugged, moving to let them in, “see for yourself.”

The scene before them was heart-breaking, it was evident both Tyler and Josh had been crying, they were still on the floor with Josh clutching at Tyler like he was the only thing keeping him afloat. “Hi Josh, hi Tyler” Patrick greeted as the went to sit on the sofa.

Josh muttered something into Tyler’s chest, “thanks for coming guys.”

“Of course,” Brendon sighed, lifting tired eyes to meet Tyler’s. He was relieved to see Tyler smiling at him reassuringly, a hint of pity in those hazel eyes. “How are you doing Josh?”

He responded wordlessly with a shrug. “Do you think you can perform tonight? If you want the night off then we understand, it is not an issue.” Pete had barely finished the sentence before Josh fixed watery eyes on him and shook his head forcefully.

“No. We’re playing,” his voice wavered and broke dangerously, “I can’t not play, I’m not letting the fans down like that. It’ll help. I’m not losing that.” _Losing that too._ That’s what he was thinking, that’s what they were all thinking.

“Sure thing dude, if you change your mind just let us know,” Pete managed his signature care-free grin, helping Josh relax a little more. “I do have another difficult question for you.” Josh nodded reluctantly, as if he knew exactly what was coming. “Are you going to report this?”

Most eyes were trained on the floor, Tyler was looking at Josh and Pete was watching the two of them. “I. I. No,” his voice was tiny, nothing like the Josh they were used to.

A tear rolled down Tyler’s face, “alright Joshie, that’s okay, if that’s what you want to do.” It was clear that Tyler didn’t agree with this decision, the way his body sagged after Josh’s decision and the tears.

“I think you should get tested Josh, get a rape kit done. You don’t have to press charges, but the information will be kept, in case you change your mind.” Surprisingly it was Brendon who offered this advice softly, no-one dared ask how he knew all this and judging by Dallon’s supportive (yet concerned) gaze and hand on his knee, they probably wouldn’t want to know the answer.

“Please Joshie, just in case,” Josh locked eyes with Tyler, exploring the glassy orbs for why felt like hours before nodding. “Thank you, thank you baby,” slowly Tyler leant in for a quick kiss, barely more than their lips meeting. But it made a small smile blossom on his face.

 

 

 

 

 

It was evident that the damage of that night wouldn’t just disappear and that the after-shocks would continue to rock them for months. But, if one good thing came out of it, it was bringing the two boys closer together. Josh played harder that night than ever before, the next day he had gripped Tyler’s hand as tightly as possible as he walked into a Sexual Health Clinic. And when his voice couldn’t form the words to answer the nurse’s questions, Tyler spoke up for him.

Josh didn’t recover overnight. Not by a long shot, for weeks they never did more than kiss. They’d become experts at reading each other’s moods, at communicating both verbally and physically. Their bond seemed stronger, felt more secure. Tyler became an expert in reading Josh’s body language, of responding to his body tensing and noticing the winces he tried to smother.

“Tyler,” Josh whimpered, pulling away from a steamy kiss, “I’m ready. Please.” His cheeks turned a deep red, suddenly finding his feet very interesting. It was like their first time all over again, except more nervous – if that was even possible.

It took Tyler a moment to catch on, it was only when his gaze landed on the bulge in Josh’s pants that he realised what he wanted. “What is it you want baby boy? You gotta tell me,” his hand had already moved to palm him through the material. They’d only recently begun getting remotely sexual, a hand job here and the occasional blowjob.

Nothing near their old sex-life, it paled in comparison. But Josh wanted it back, he wanted it to be the way it used to be. He wanted Tyler. “Fuck me, please,” Tyler’s eyes widened but his protests were silenced by Josh’s hungry lips.

“Tell me to stop, okay, if you need me to, tell me,” he said seriously, trying to hold Josh back a little.

“I get it Ty, I will okay. I just want you, I miss you.” Tyler crumbled at this, but he knew it was more than just Josh wanting to start getting intimate again. It was about knowing the last person inside him was some stranger, it was about replacing those bad memories with good ones, it was about feeling new and clean.

(Josh showered three to five times a day in the first two weeks after the incident. No-one asked about it. No-one stopped him. Instead Tyler would put the nicest smelling soaps he could in there to make Josh smile.)

It was slow, it was Tyler asking again and again if it was alright. It was whispered assurances and locked gazes, it was gentle and so beautiful.

When Josh’s eyes fell shut he wasn’t scared, he didn’t think back to that night like he feared he would, he thought of Tyler’s pretty face and the love in his eyes and how fucking beautiful he looked naked. “I love you Tyler, so much,” he gasped out, hands clawing at tanned skin.

“I love you too baby,” Tyler panted, pressing his forehead against Josh’s. When they came it was to cries of their lover’s name, they fell back together into a sweaty mess of tangled limbs. “Was that okay? You feel good?”

Josh’s smile was so wide he might split his face in two, “I feel great. I feel so fucking good.” He peppered kisses all over Tyler’s body, giggling as he went. “I, shit Ty, I love you, I love you so much. Thanks for sticking with me.”

“You literally stayed with me whilst I was in a coma, they were about to give up on me and you stuck by my side. This was nothing. I’d go through hell for you, I’d do anything for you Josh. If you were never ready to have sex again then I wouldn’t care. I love you.”

“So you don’t love my smoking hot bod?” Josh giggled, nuzzling into Tyler’s chest.

Tyler shrugged with a laugh, “I mean, I’m not complaining.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last bit of drama before this thing starts wrapping up   
> what would you guys like to see first:  
> student/teacher joshler  
> or blurry/josh/tyler type thing 
> 
> stay alive frens


	15. Chapter 15

To say it returned to normal would be a lie. Sometimes Josh would jump when someone clasped his shoulder, he hated people stood behind him, crowds still made his anxiety flare to the point of physical sickness and now brought flashing lights and blurry recollections.

But for every bad day, and every panic attack and every horrible thought, there was Tyler. Tyler with his crooked smile and beautiful words, with his ukulele and piano and soft touches that come with warning. There was Tyler with gentle kisses, letting Josh choose how far it went, how fast it got there.

There was also the Tyler who’d tie him to the bed, who’d let him lose himself in passion, in his trust for Tyler. That had changed too. The trust. Growing stronger through every day of recovery.

Brendon too. He’d earnt his way into their good books, he’d shared his story with the two of them, in the hopes it would help them deal with it. It did. He would be there for Josh when Tyler couldn’t.

And as all this was going on, twenty one pilots made it. They were touring the world, talking on TV, playing radio stations and festivals. They were meeting fans everywhere, at the mall, at the airport, in toilets. People were getting Tyler’s words tattooed on them, writing stories about them, drawing pictures of them.

They were getting there, achieving their dreams, and it felt good.

 

 

 

 

 

The next album came easier, Tyler knew how the label would react, how friends and family would react. On tracks where his doubt was eating him alive he’d send a copy to Pete or Patrick, hours later he’d receive words of advice and comfort and reassurance.

He had his own professional soundboard and nothing made him feel better.

Except Josh.

“I like this one,” Josh assured him, fingers already tapping out a beat on his thigh.

“You do?”

Josh laughed, head falling back and eyes crinkling, “goddamn I do.” His giggles quietened before he leant in and whispered into Tyler’s ear, I think twice too you know.”

It was what he needed to hear, they both knew it. “What makes you think it’s about you?”

Tyler was biting his lip to hold back his smile and Josh was just outright beaming, “I’m sorry, who is it about? Who else makes you think twice and puts shit in their hair? Is it Hayley? I knew letting Pete introduce us to her was a bad idea. Or Ashley?” By this point Tyler had cracked, laughing and pulling Josh into his grip.

“Not any of them,” he assured him, “the person who made me think twice is beautiful and kind, got the biggest heart I’ve ever seen. Always has time for other people.”

Josh’s face matched his hair at this point as he hid in the crook of Tyler’s neck, “he sounds pretty cool.”

Another soft giggle escaped Tyler’s mouth, making Josh’s heart melt, “yeah, he kinda is. I think I’m gunna keep him around forever.” The words were soft, a promise, one that didn’t require an answer. The feel of Josh’s smile against his skin was answer enough. “He’s got a pretty good dick too.”

As intended it caused Josh to laugh hysterically, moving to kiss Tyler with laughing eyes and roaming hands. “You’re a total idiot,” Josh murmured after a heated kiss.

“You’re idiot. Now bring your good dick over here,” Ty pulled him back in by the collar of his shirt, which soon found its way to the ground.

 

 

 

 

 

“Tyler,” Josh whined, throwing balled up bits of paper at his boyfriend’s head. It was their third consecutive day at the studio and Josh had been promised dinner, but Tyler didn’t look like he was leaving _any_ time soon. “Tyler, it’s nearly 6.”

“I’m nearly done,” Tyler responded, eyes locked on the screen.

“You said that yesterday and the day before, the song will be here when you come back,” Josh sighed, but it fell on deaf ears. There wasn’t a sign that Tyler had listened, and he definitely wasn’t finishing up.

Josh couldn’t handle the embarrassment of turning up alone, or calling _again_ to cancel because of his work-obsessed boyfriend. And so commenced plan: Distract Tyler.

He continued sighing periodically, shuffling closer until they were shoulder to shoulder. Tyler frowned momentarily, but said nothing, so it may have just been something on the screen. Then Josh started tracing shapes on Tyler’s legs, intricate patterns that started at his knee and spiralled up.

Still no response.

Pressing firmer. Nothing. Going to the inside of his leg. Nada.

Desperate times… Josh began sucking a deep purple mark on Tyler’s neck. “Josh,” Tyler whined, much like Josh had earlier, swatting him away. “I’m working.”

“Me too,” Josh hummed, licking up Tyler’s neck, nibbling his ear. He knew how to make Tyler fall apart and while he may be trying to work right now, Josh wanted food and now he was pretty horny too. “Tyler, please,” he started rubbing against him, moaning softly at the friction.

“Fuck, Josh, I-I have stuff to do,” but Josh felt Tyler’s hips twitching beneath him, saw the temptation in his eyes.

“And I really, really, really want to have sex with you.”

A surprised moan escaped Tyler’s mouth that had him flushing red, “here? In the studio?” His voice was a touch higher than usual, making Josh smile as he moved to attack his neck again.

“Maybe right here,” a hand slipped under Tyler’s shirt, “maybe on that sofa,” as he brushed Tyler’s nipple with calloused fingers he heard his sharp intake of breath, “maybe in the toilets.”

“Here, here is good,” Tyler whimpered, throwing his shirt behind them.

“I vote sofa, but glad you can see things my way.” In his head Josh was doing a victory dance, though that train of thought was blown off track when Tyler threw him to the sofa. The look in his eyes one of lust and love and so full of desire that Josh honestly thought the sight alone would make him cum. “Love you.”

Tyler smiled, ducking down to suck at Josh’s neck to hide it, “shut up,” he muttered against the skin.

The gentle bites were driving Josh wild, but it wasn’t enough, “this is great and all, but fucking fuck me.” He made sure to thrust his hips forward, grinding against Tyler’s noticeable bulge.

“You have too many clothes on,” Tyler whispered, panting heavily, “I can fix that.” Josh almost laughed, but his teeth caught his bottom lip and he managed to hold it in. Any thoughts of laughter flew from his mind when Tyler rubbed at his crotch, his dick hard and aching for attention. “Need something?”

A low groan broke from Josh’s lips, “you, god, please, fuck me.”

Tyler did laugh, somehow both low and light, teasing and sensual, “I’m great but I’m no God. I will fuck you though.” As he spoke he set Josh’s cock free, his own jeans and boxers following soon after. “So hard for me Joshie,” he smirked, dry hand thumbing at Josh’s tip.

“Ty-tyler, pl-please,” Josh whined, hands pulling at tanned skin, trying to pull him closer. Their skin slapped together, covered in a thin sheen of sweat, Josh wanted _closer_ and Tyler loved watching him writhe beneath him. “Please,” he whimpered, hips bucking up under Tyler’s iron grip, barely getting any friction.

But it seemed there was a God, as Tyler (ever so slowly) began stretching Josh open. It was slow and torturous and the meal they were supposed to be enjoying was so far from Josh’s mind right now. “I got you,” Tyler promised, pushing Josh’s legs back as he leant over to connect their lips. Somehow, whilst Josh was lost in the kiss and Tyler’s lips and just _him_ , Tyler had stopped stretching him out, fingers slipping free.

Somehow, Tyler’s lips, like some crazy drug, had Josh distracted enough to not notice Tyler’s dick _inside_ him until he was thrusting. In and out and in and out, still far too slowly. Their lips still connected, nothing more than teeth crashing into each other and messy pants into each other’s mouth.

It felt far too intimate for what it was. But Josh wouldn’t complain. Every slow movement would graze his prostate making him cry out desperately, words weren’t his forte at the best of times, but right now his vocabulary was limited to; Tyler, please, more and harder. Even those words were half-strangled by pleasured moans and desperate groaning.

Tyler was loving it, hovering above Josh, arms shaking as he held himself up. It was taking everything in him to hold back, go slow, kiss him and not just bite into that pale skin and suck angry red marks and pound into him until their hips were bruised.

And when he saw the look of complete bliss in Josh’s eyes, that hazy lust, it was all worth it. He peppered his face with hot, wet kisses, bodies touching wherever possible. “I love you,” Tyler panted, that slow and steady pace running away from him.

“You too,” Josh gasped, barely able to get the words out. He willed his hips to meet Tyler’s every single time, it wasn’t long before the new pace had him close to edge.

Somehow, with his magical bond skills that far outweigh Josh’s (and he still has _no_ idea how he does it), Tyler knew. He leant in, hot breath fanning against Josh’s cheek, “cum for me baby, let me see you.” And Josh obeyed, coming with a cry of something akin to Tyler’s name.

His lover followed soon after, calling out Josh’s name before letting himself drop on top of him. Both of them letting out a grunt at the contact. “We gotta get to that restaurant,” Josh mumbled, kissing Tyler’s head.

“I knew that’s what you were after the whole damn time,” Tyler grumbled, still not moving, “we’re already late.”

“Blame traffic,” Josh shrugged, “please, I want a meal with my amazing boyfren. Pretty please.”

“I’m sucking you off in the toilets,” Tyler sighed, getting to his feet with a pout.

Though the beaming smile on Josh’s face made it worthwhile. “Deal.”

 

 

 

 

 

“Boys, it’s a pleasure to have you here playing for us,” the Radio presenter had a big smile and an even bigger microphone.

“Anytime man, it feels real good being here,” Tyler’s smile was tiny in comparison, but Josh knew he was overjoyed, knew their fans would see that too.

Her smile was soft and comforting, helping ease Josh’s nerves, “so, your new album is on its way, how do you feel about that?”

It was Josh’s turn to smile, turning to Tyler proudly, “this one’s a good one. I was listening to it today actually.”

The laugh bubbled up out of Tyler, coaxing soft giggles from the radio presenter (Linda?), “I think this one is a little different, something the fans will love hopefully.”

“Our Mum’s love it,” Josh added.

“Exactly, they _love_ it, so what else can we ask for.”

Josh managed to keep his laughter in, but his smile was blinding. “And we were told we have to ask this question, your fans were quite persistent.”

“They get that from you,” Josh huffed, nudging Tyler playfully. They all had to laugh at that one, Tyler muttering something about ‘parents’ and ‘your child’ and ‘mother Dun’. “Sorry, go on, I’m sure their question is the best.”

“How did you guys meet?” The smile on her face told them she’d looked this up before, maybe watched a couple of past interviews.

They shared a look, eyes glistening, “well, I was a lifeguard,” Tyler began with Josh nodding along, “and Josh decided to eat before swimming.”

“I didn’t wait,” Josh sighed sadly, looking down at his hands guiltily.

“And he got into some trouble.”

“But, lucky for me, Ty guy saved me and all our songs are about that.”

She was laughing silently, making Josh’s façade crumble a little, “so you just pulled him out and thought, we could be in a band.”

The giggles coming from Tyler’s lips never seemed to end, beautiful little daisies falling from peach lips, “I mean look at him, he has a nose ring and funky hair. And that lip-ring.”

“Don’t talk about that,” Josh groaned, hiding his face.

“It’s okay baby, I still love you.” Josh definitely didn’t blush, or completely melt into Tyler’s warm touch. The rest of the interview was a bit of a blur, with Josh hyperaware of Tyler’s warm hand on the small of his back and eyes trained on his smile.

 

 

 

 

Madison Square Garden.

They’d talked about it back in the early days, before twenty one pilots was twenty one pilots. It had been a dream, a far off goal they’d hoped to one day achieve.

And here it was.

“Two freaking nights,” Tyler squealed, turning to kiss Josh’s cheek with a smile.

“Eww, I’m still watching stop it,” Mark whined, the sound distorted and loud as he leant closer to the screen.

Josh blushed but managed to scoff, “yeah, well look away creep.”

“Shut up,” Andrew laughed, “tickets go on sale in 5 minutes.”

The tension was palpable, the Skype call that had been full of inside jokes and smiles and giggles falling silent. “I can hear you breathing,” Michael whispered, causing Mark to burst out laughing. “Calm down, you’ll sell out.”

“Sell out?” Tyler laughed, “nah, not both nights.” But his heart cried out, it was possible, he knew it. He just refused to let himself hope.

Josh’s hand squeezed his thigh, a calming and comforting touch, a reassurance and a hope. “I think we can do it,” his voice was gentle and sleepy, Tyler had dragged him from bed with fluttering eyelashes and rushed words.

His boyfriend’s insatiable excitement was irresistible, so he found himself up and interacting with humans that _aren’t_ Tyler by 8:30. And without coffee.

“Bets?” Michael offered, “£100 on you selling out.”

“Deal,” Tyler barked before Josh could warn him against that, “in fact, I’ll raise it to £250.”

There was a challenge in his eyes, maybe he wanted to be proven wrong or maybe he seriously thought they’d not do it. Whatever it was, Josh didn’t quite understand it and he definitely wasn’t supporting it.

Mark laughed, “I’m in, you’ll sell out today.”

Eyes were glittering, Tyler licked his lips with eyebrows raised, hands clapping on his thighs, “you’re on kids. Prepare to pay your papa.”

“Ew, I don’t need to hear about your kinky sex life,” Mark whined, once more nearly deafening them all with the sound.

“Alright, one minute, let’s all take a breath,” Andrew interrupted them all with a roll of his eyes. Josh decided that if he was taking anyone’s side, it was him.

Waiting for that minute to pass was excruciating. Tyler could hear his heart beating erratically, noticed Josh’s body tensing, even Mark and Michael seemed nervous. In fact, the only one who seemed genuinely calm was Andrew.

Whatever it was he had up made an alarm noise, making Josh jump closer to Tyler who pressed a kiss to his hair, “they’re out there.”

The pre-sale tickets were gone in minutes, but strangely that hadn’t helped Tyler feel confident about the general release. His reasoning being that the dedicated fans would have the tickets already and no one else would come.

These strange fears would be whispered to Josh in the dark of their room (or bunk), as Josh ran fingers through Tyler’s soft hair. And every time Josh would reassure him, he’d tell him that it’s okay to think that – especially with how things turned out. “More people love you than you think,” he’d whispered, that became a mantra, every time Tyler doubted himself Josh had those words ready to throw at him.

“First night gone,” Andrew laughed breaking Tyler from his thoughts.

The brown-haired boy looked at Josh in shock, pinching his skin to make sure it was real, “wha-what?”

“You owe me £250 motherfucker!” Mark shouted, cheering. “I may even treat you to a Taco Bell.”

Tyler giggled, looking at Josh with wide eyes, “and night 2?”

“It’ll be the same,” Andrew promised, calming blue eyes reassuring him. “I wouldn’t book a show you couldn’t sell out, well done boys, don’t go too crazy.”

With that he hung up, leaving the two boys and their longest standing crew members. “So, Taco Bell for dinner?” Michael suggesting, beaming.

“Invite the crew, we’re going to celebrate,” Josh laughed before hanging up. The kiss he gave to Tyler was nothing short of ferocious, it was a burning fire and it consumed every inch of Tyler. “More people love you than you think,” he whispered against his skin, pressing kisses between each word.

Tyler was breathless, lost if it wasn’t for Josh’s anchoring touch, “no one loves me as much as you,” he managed to say.

A smile broke out on Josh’s face, making his eyes shine and crinkle and the whole room seemed 10 shades lighter, “I think you might be right.”

They celebrated, several times, before they’d even left the apartment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I think I love you,” Josh blurted backstage, they were about halfway through the tour and their meet and greets were all done with and everything had been set up. They were alone, apart from Mark and his camera, but he felt like an extra limb on these tours – never far from the action.

Tyler laughed, looking over at Josh for a fleeting second, “I’m glad to hear that.”

His response was greeted with an exaggerated eye-roll, “you know what I mean.”

“Actually, for once I really don’t,” Tyler admitted, putting his phone down and turning to him, something about the moment felt special.

Josh sighed, taking a seat and refusing to look Tyler in the eye, “of course I’ve loved you forever, we’re soulmates. But it’s more than that now, without our freaky ass bond and all the other shit I would still love you. I don’t just love you because my mind and heart are made for you, I love you because your stupid and neurotic. I love you because of your soft hands and the way you _always_ know what to say. I love _you_ and I love every tiny thing about you.”

“I was made for you,” Tyler mumbled, laughing softly with a dumbass smile on his face.

They moved closer to each other, a tattooed arm snaking around a thin frame, “it’s more than that Ty.”

It was. It was so much more.

 

 

 

 

When Madison Square Garden came about they had their whole families there, cheering them on from the start. Chris made sure to jest and joke and ruin as many interviews as possible, Jordan made Josh help him pick up chicks and Tyler played basketball with his siblings.

Somehow they ended up in some tiny café, all of them over spilling from their table and taking up half of the shop. Tyler and Josh had hoods up and hats on, backs to the window but smiles on their faces.

Josh was drinking some crazy smoothie, something his friend Jesse roped him into last time they hung out at Columbus. Now he’s always got some strange juice in his hand, or a liquid shot or cold coffee and Tyler really can’t get his head around it.

He was sipping at a hot chocolate (with _two_ caramel shots), sharing a brownie slice with Josh. “Thanks for coming guys,” he said eventually, finally joining conversation and leaving the world in his head.

“We’re always there for you Ty, just now we’re here physically,” Kelly smiled.

“I actually have some things planned for the second show, it being the last one and all. Zach would you rap with us.”

The smile on his brother’s face was _nearly_ as bright as Josh’s, “dude, I’d love to. Practice after tonight?”

“Dude, practice when we get back,” Tyler countered.

“Dude, dude dudey dude,” Josh mocked, sticking his tongue out at Tyler whom fixed him with his coldest glare. The look on Josh’s face faltered for a second, letting Tyler believe he had won, before Josh leant forward and licked his cheek. Bursting out laughing at the shock on Tyler’s face.

He wiped it away with his hand, ignoring the giggling of their families, “you are disgusting.”

Josh frowned, “you don’t mind it in bed.”

Giggling turned to groans and Tyler decided revenge was best served cold. “Watch your back Dun, I’ll get you.”

 

 

 

 

 

He wouldn’t actually get him. Not like that.

But watching Josh squirm made it all worth it. And also allowed for him to make _other_ arrangements.

Night One was a success. Night Two though, that was either going to be their best show ever or be the last thing they ever do.

And Tyler was terrified.

“Calm down,” Maddie sighed, placing a hand on his bouncing knee.

“I can’t.”

Ashley stepped forward, nail polish in hand, “you’re about to vibrate off the chair and start flying, sit still. Nails?”

It was the same shade of pink from all that time ago, when Josh organised the most beautiful date for their first time. “Of course,” he smiled, body relaxing a little.

“I know what you’re planning,” she whispered, before smiling. “He’ll say yes, you don’t need to worry.”

Tyler looked terrified, absolutely terrified. “Does Josh know?”

“Of course not!” She exclaimed, trying not to laugh as colour returned to Tyler’s skin. “He’s an idiot, he never catches on. But he did mention thinking along the same lines.”

“Oh,” Tyler sighed, body sagging, “you wouldn’t ruin that surprise either would you.” She shrugged, but it made no difference. Tyler had his mind set.

 

 

 

 

 

“Alright, listen up people,” Josh looked over in confusion as Tyler started strumming his ukulele, “as some of you know, I’m crazy in love with the idiot on the drums.” The crowd cheered, the sound making Tyler smile and filling him with confidence. “We’ve been together through a lot, good times and bad. Josh has had my back for every second, every single one. He gives my life meaning.”

He stopped a moment, voice breaking. He turned to the blushing mess of a boyfriend, spotlights making his skin shine and his eyes squint. “I love you Josh, and I know we’re going to be together forever. I’m so glad I get to go on this journey with me. Will you go on another one?”

Like a confused puppy, Josh tilted his head, “like another tour?”

Giggles escaped Tyler, “no you idiot, like marriage?” And with that he was down on one knee, velvet box in hand. He didn’t have time to open it before Josh launched himself over the drums and had his tongue down Tyler’s throat. “Is that a yes?” Josh just laughed and kissed him again.

 

 

 

 

 

“I think we made it you know,” Tyler whispered, lips against Josh’s pale skin. Golden rings shimmering under pale moonlight.

“I think I agree,” Josh laughed, looking out at the sea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all so much, I love every single one of you. thnks for staying for the ride. hope it didn't disappoint. something new will be coming soon

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm pretty proud of this one, please let me know what you think. I probably won't update for a little while because I want it to be perfect, give me a week or two before you can bother me until I post again.
> 
> Also, I have a new Tumblr: whatisdunisdun - I'm actually going to try to use it this time, so please follow me. A funny story will be posted once I have 10 followers (several people have literally wet themselves at this sadly true story I'm willing to share).
> 
> Finally (promise) hit me up on kik; saidanddun or my new tumblr because I love hearing from you guys and am more than open to prompts. Love you all, stay street, stay alive |-/


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